Central Michigan University has agreed to a payout of $450,200 after its former women’s soccer coach was accused of getting stinky on his hangdown with two of his players, according to ESPN.

The [players], a senior and a freshman, each had a sexual relationship with Tony DiTucci because of his “skilled manipulation and seduction,” lawyer Jennifer Salvatore said.

“They were young individuals who held the coach in high esteem,” she said in an interview. “He made them believe they were special and he was in love with them. Looking back on it, they wish they had handled it differently.” [...]

DeTucci was replaced in midseason by Tom Anagost, whose interim tag was removed after his team finished second in the MAC. As for the Mack Daddy, he said that players totally came onto him first. Banging your coach is great until you realize that you’re sharing a bunk with one of your teammates. Hey, coaches these days don’t have time for rebuilding seasons. You gotta win now. Read the rest of this entry »

Former Central Michigan basketball player Brooke Heike has filed a lawsuit against that university, claiming that her former coach, Sue Guevara, cut her from the program in part because Heike is heterosexual. From FOX News, the number one news source of lesbians everywhere:

Heike said Guevara told her she wore too much makeup and was not the coach’s “type.” That meant she wasn’t a lesbian, according to a lawsuit filed last week in federal court in Bay City.

The former Romeo High School star lost her scholarship after the 2007-08 season.  “I didn’t feel that she did anything to improve herself after being told over and over what she needed to do,” Guevara told an appeals committee last June.

You can’t tell me this woman would try to coach a team full of lesbians. I mean, look at that shimmering short haircut. That awkward smile. The affinity for plaid clothing. Sure, she might be a lot of things, a liar, an idiot, a lesbian, but she is not a porn star.