First the good news for Kris Humphries – he got paid. Despite trying to dump the free agent power forward on any team that would take him in a sign-and-trade for Dwight Howard, the Brooklyn Nets announced that they have indeed made K-Hump the final piece of their starting puzzle for the 2012-13 season. Humphries reportedly inked a 2-year, $24 million contract that will put the Nets over the $70 million luxury cap… with their starting 5 alone.

But that’s neither here nor there. Now for the bad news – Humphries’ ex won’t shut the hell up. Myla Sinanaj – the version of Kim Kardashian that you’d find on a really bad celebrity impersonator job site – had previously claimed that she was pregnant with Hump’s child, which would have been bad news with that new contract, but it turns out she was lying. Shocking, I know (and my apologies to Humphries for bagging on him). That should be great news for him, as it can’t hurt his divorce case, but now Sinanaj is going right after Kardashian.

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Between Rob Gronkowski using Twitter as his personal Adult Friend Finder and Evan Longoria playing the role of Tampa Bay Rays PR to reach out to Alex Morgan and then “rescuing” Playboy Playmate Jaime Edmondson from the evil Darren Rovell only to start dating her, there isn’t much shame to the 140-character social networking game. So when a famous guy and attractive and/or famous gal start Tweet-flirting – or Twirting – with each other, us nosey nerds raise our eyebrows and start asking the important questions like “Is Miss November 2011 Ciara Price dating Boston Bruins star Tyler Seguin?”

And the answer is… I dunno.

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Back in December, we brought you the horrifying news that 2011 With Leather Celebrity Sports Fan of the Year and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover model Kate Upton was rumored to be dating New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez. And it all made sense – Upton’s sister works for the Jets so she gets Kate free tickets to games and Sanchez can’t get enough of teenage girls.

Of course, other rumors have come and gone – Sanchez and Kim Kardashian, Upton and Tim Tebow, Sanchez and Kirstie Alley, Upton and me. For the sake of disclosure, I may have made two of those up right now. However, this 4-month old rumor was seemingly laid to rest, but that didn’t stop Ellen DeGeneres from digging up the corpse on her show yesterday.

Meanwhile, Upton is staying coy over a reported romance with American football player Mark Sanchez.

When questioned about the New York Jets player on the Ellen DeGeneres Show, she conceded he was ‘cute’.

She said: ‘Yeah, he is cute. I’ve met him. My sister works for the Jets. And she’s been working there for four years. So, I went to all the games.

‘I met him briefly.’ (Via the Daily Mail)

Obviously we can all smell the bullsh*t a mile away, as if it’s a delightful lilac and cinnamon fragrance, or what I imagine Upton’s hair smells like when she’s asleep. But I appreciate With Leather’s First Lady for carrying on this discretion for the sake of us dorks.

Oh by the way, did you know that Upton is the new face of Skullcandy earphones? It’s true, and she helped advertise them in the best way possible – by wearing very little.

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According to his wedding website, free agent quarterback Jason Campbell was quite excited to marry his longtime, on-again/off-again girlfriend, Jenny Montes, at the Paradisus Palma Real in the Dominican Republic. Campbell’s massive wedding party included other NFL players like Ronnie Brown, Carlos Rogers, Jacoby Ford and Louis Murphy. Somewhere, Cadillac Williams shed a single tear.

But apparently it all fell apart during the day leading up to the Super Bowl of Campbell’s heart. Reports are mostly vague as to why the couple called it off, so I chose to go with the most ridiculous source I could find, from a site that watermarked the NFL logo.

Take it away, Media Take Out:

Jason’s fiance Jenny is a beautiful woman, and an MTOer. She had been pursued by TONS of ballers, but she chose to date Jason, when he was a rookie and his NFL career was uncertain.

The two met and started dating 5 years ago, and after a long separation found each other again. Jenny and her family were excited to fly down to the DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, to celebrate their nuptials. But that was not to be, Jason INEXPLICABLE BROKE IT OFF just hours before the ceremony was set to begin, stunning guests.

How hard is it to create a sensationalized gossip story that doesn’t have Swiss cheese logic? First of all, the two met and started dating in 2005, but if the wedding was in the Dominican Republic on Saturday, why wasn’t the family already there? Probably because they mutually called off the wedding on Friday and he definitely did not stand her up at the altar, according to CNN’s Kate Longworth.

But I like to think that Campbell and Brown decided to run away together. Unfortunately, they only made it 2 yards.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was in Los Angeles yesterday, appearing at a Boys & Girls Club event, when one of the young girls in attendance asked the most important question in the history of mankind: Why have people allowed the Kardashians to become stars? Is Tim Tebow dating singer Katy Perry?

See that? Even pre-teen girls ask more in-depth questions than Peter King. But as straight forward and legitimate as the question was, Tebow couldn’t even show the young girl the respect of offering her an honest answer.

Said the super dreamy QB:

“No, me and Katy Perry don’t have a thing, but she’s a very good artist,” he said, smiling when asked by one of the kids in the group.

“I’m single.” (Via USA Today)

They don’t have a thing? Define “a thing”, Tim. I knew a guy in college who used to get blackout drunk and go home with the same heavy-set girl every weekend and he denied they were “a thing”, too. But he still tried his hardest to convince us that he slept on her couch every time he called one of us to pick him up on Saturday mornings. I wish I could believe Tebow, but his name is just being linked to too many female celebrities these days. Sure, I’m one of the people linking him, but if I can’t believe my own ridiculous rumors, then who the hell can I believe?

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By all accounts, 2011 was a fantastic year for David Beckham. Granted, it doesn’t take much for Beckham to have a great year, other than just waking up and collecting whatever random amount of money is being thrown at him and his wife, Ginger Scary Sporty Baby Posh Victoria, that day. But last year he was fortunate enough to get the albatross off his back in helping the L.A. Galaxy win the MLS Cup, and unless I missed someone throwing a pot of boiling water at his face, he’s still David-f*cking-Beckham.

Momentum already seems to be carrying over into 2012 for Becks as well, because word is he’s already being heavily considered to be the captain of Great Britain’s soccer team at the Olympics in London, and he’s returning to the Galaxy for two more seasons, as some people assume he’ll eventually make a push to buy the team. But before any of that happens, he has one tiny little thing that he wants to take care of – he really wants to sue In Touch Weekly and prostitute Irma Nici for claiming that he slept with her 5 times to the tune of $10,000 a pop in 2007.

The problem is a judge already said he can’t.

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