Image via TMZ in case that's not clear.

Last week it was reported that eventual free agent running back Cedric Benson was arrested for beating up his roommate, Clavens Charles, after an argument on the street. As you can tell from the image above, “beating up” may be a tad understated. Regardless, Benson claimed that he acted in self-defense after the two started fighting over their living situation.

According to TMZ:

Clavens claimed he and Benson “began to talk and argue about their living arrangements when all of the sudden Clavens was struck on the left side of his face with a closed fist thrown by Benson.”

“Clavens went on to say that Benson continued to strike him with several more closed fists all over Clavens face resulting in severe injury to his face.”

Clavens told police he was experiencing “severe bleeding from the mouth, possible loss of teeth and massive swelling of the left cheek.”

I’ve had some pretty nasty arguments with my roommates in the past, but holy sweet fancy goodness, man. That’s some serious conflict resolution right there. Benson was released on $10,000 bail and the Cincinnati Bengals were quick to point out that he used to play for them and this was not their problem, despite the lockout and that whole not being able to talk to him rule.

Needless to say, Charles is suing for damages, and his lawyer claimed that he’s already racked up thousands of dollars in bills. Benson should be able to swing the fees, since there should be a team willing to take a chance on a solid RB with anger issues and a violent criminal past. So we’ll see Benson next year in… Cincinnati.

Cedric Benson has had an odd career in the NFL so far, to say the least. The Chicago Bears took him with the number 4 pick in the 2005 draft, and in return they got 1593 yards and 10 touchdowns in 3 seasons. Compare that to his performance in Cincinnati last season, where Benson ran for 1251 yards and 6 touchdowns. Whatever performances Cedric has had on the field have been overshadowed by his ability to drink off it. Benson has shown his love of the sauce throughout his career, including an arrest in 2008 for boating under the influence, and another arrest that year for DUI. Benson’s boozing has got him another bind, as he was arrested earlier today for assault in Austin, Texas.

But that doesn’t mean it came without any incidents.

Bengals running back Cedric Benson has been arrested in Austin, Texas for an assault that allegedly occurred on May 30, according to Tom Plohetski of Statesman.com. He allegedly punched a bar employee in the face at Annie’s West.

Benson faces charges of assault with injury. He has posted bail. –PFT

You can’t get wasted and beat someone up in Texas? Texas authorities should probably clarify their stance on the position, because Vince Young was confused, too. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the incident occurred quite some time ago, and Benson “forgot” to report it to the NFL. Roger Goodell may have to send him to bed, without dessert. Read the rest of this entry »

Larry Johnson signed a one-year deal with the Bengals earlier today. Johnson said he was just happy for the opportunity blah blah blah. Nobody really seemed surprised that it was the Bengals that picked up Johnson, considering that (a) Cedric Benson is hurt and (b) Johnson is kind of a prick. But there are concerns.

The Bengals are taking a needless chance and risking a good thing. Johnson is the kind of player M. Lewis has spent a few years trying to get rid of. It’s odd he would add a guy like that. The Chiefs are paying him $2 mil to go away. Lewis was adamant Monday that if Benson is OK, Johnson will be a scout team guy and likely inactive on Sundays. He also said he approached Ced about it last week, meaning a bruised ego was a concern. –Cincinnati Enquirer.

The Bengals play next at Oakland next week, which seems appropriate. The Raiders are terrible and they abuse their women, plus that who human sacrifice thing. Wait, that’s not the Raiders. I’m thinking of the Aztecs. My b. That’s the Aztecs, right?

The NFL provided two DUI arrests over the weekend, forcing me to try to give a different spin on the tired "these guys are idiots" refrain. 

First up: the Bears' Cedric Benson, who tarnished his "the cops were picking on me" story in his ongoing drunken-while-boating case by getting picked up for DUI.  The details are pretty dull: cops say Benson ran a red light and failed sobriety tests, while Benson — who refused Breathalyzer and blood tests — claims he had only two or three drinks over several hours, that the light was yellow, and that he passed the sobriety tests.  Ya know, because people who take the tests are the best ones to judge such a thing.

Also hitting the blotter by driving blotto was NFL great and former Raiders quarterback Kenny Stabler, who as you can see is an old white-haired man who still goes by "Kenny."  It's at least his third DUI arrest — the others came in 1995 and 2001.  So sad.  You'd think he'd eventually get better at driving drunk.  A guy named Stabler should be able to drive more… stable-er?  Eh, that one worked better in my head.

ChicagoSports.com published this photo from the boat party where Bears running back Cedric Benson was arrested for BWI and tased.  As noted  in the original post, Benson and the LCRA — water cops! — had strikingly different stories, with Benson's sounding like police brutality and the LCRA's sounding like dealing with an aggressive drunk.  This photo, supposedly taken a few hours before the arrest, shows that Benson is clearly guilty of partying with his mother (center), Sun Chips, and — the most heinous crime of all — white girls.  And, along with witnesses' reports, it's changing the way people are looking at the incident.

"I called my dad and told him, 'Call 911, my black friend is getting beaten up by police on Lake Travis,' " said Elizabeth Cartwright, 22, a friend of Benson's from the University of Texas. "It's more what I heard than what I saw. I have never heard or seen Cedric that scared."… She said her fiance also took dozens of photographs that help corroborate her claims. [...]

Cartwright, an English major at the University of Texas who is to graduate later this month, estimated she and her fiance had been boating with Benson six times this spring and each time a Lower Colorado River Authority boat pulled them over for a safety check.

One thing's for sure about this whole situation: it would be way more interesting if Benson was a semi-decent running back.

[FanIQ, SbB] 

"Saint Andrew's Net" is With Leather's daily link dump, written by the bane of respectable journos and scrupulous primates alike, Michael Tunison. Expect sports and tits.

• The Angry T likens standout figures in the NBA Playoffs to superheroes. Manu Ginobili already has superhuman flopping powers, why link him to the Penguin?
• FanIQ takes a gander at the photos from the infamous Cedric Benson boat trip. Oh boy, drunken revelry with his mom! He's living Eli Manning's dream.
• The Legend of Cecilio Guante toasts the keepers of the afro flame in the NBA. All the more reason why someone should draft Bambale Osby.
• Machochip worries for the woman who broke the record for biggest breasts in the Brazilian equivalent of the Guinness Book of World Records. Shouldn't that be the Brahma Book of World Records? For his sake, here's the less pneumatic Karolina Kurkova, k?
• Bugs and Cranks maintains composure after the decapitation of the Reds' mascot.

Send your submissions for Saint Andrew's Net to withleather@gmail.com.