Brandon and I were trading emails yesterday, discussing our respective regional weather calamities (me = underwater, him = on fire), when he asked if I could help him out with a feature or a couple posts today. I responded, “I’ll try to do a feature if I see something worthwhile. I promise. If not I’ll probably end up doing something stupid like a series of five posts about my favorite Phillies players and what I think they smell like. (CHASE UTLEY SMELLS LIKE GRITS BEHCUZ HE’S GRITTY!)” I then went to bed laughing to myself about what a funny joke I just told, and tried to think about something that I could turn into a feature.

However, because Brandon is a delightful maniac, not only did he thank me for offering to help, he strongly encouraged me to follow through with my joke idea. So here we are. Instead of just doing Phillies, however, I’ve branched out to cover the whole major leagues. This is easily the stupidest and/or best thing I’ve ever done.

[Ed. note -- Be sure to tell us what you think players who didn't make Danger's list probably smell like in the comments section. The best one wins a prize, which will probably be scratch-n-sniff stickers]

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As the Yankees prepare for their showdown with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the ALCS, CC Sabathia, demonstrating that he has an IQ of at least one-half of his cholesterol count, let everyone in on a little secret regarding why players choose to play for the New York Yankees. No, it’s not the history or tradition. And no, it’s not the obscene amounts of money they can throw at a player. Instead, it’s the chance to win championships. Wow.

“You come here to get a chance to win a championship,” said Sabathia, who is scheduled to start for the Yankees against those same Angels in the ALCS opener tonight at Yankee Stadium. “We are one step closer to that.” via.

If Sabathia hadn’t blown my mind in the same way he routinely blows out pairs of 54/36 jeans, I would have never guessed that players are drawn to the Yankees for the opportunity to win championships.

You know, in retrospect, it has been nine years since the Yankees have won a title and they haven’t legitimately competed for a World Series title since they lost to the Marlins in seven six games in the 2003 World Series, so perhaps coming to the Yankees to compete for a championship isn’t the best idea after all. Maybe it was all about the money. Sabathia did sign a seven-year deal for a staggering $161 million.

So does that make Sabathia a moron for believing that signing with the Yankees gave him the best shot at winning a title, or does it make me one for taking the time to point out that the reasons should be obvious when they are in fact not? Or both? That’s going to be a tricky one to sort out. Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead and ignore this particular conundrum.

The Yankees introduced A.J. Burnett and CC Sabathia to the press yesterday in their official coming-out party, or whatever they call those media circle jerks.  Big League Stew smartly called this $240 million worth of initials, and the largesse is kind of embarrassing.  Think about it: that’s an 82 million-dollar pitcher standing next to a 161 million-dollar pitcher standing in a new $1.3 billion-dollar stadium.

In a related story, I found two dollars in change under my couch cushions.  Hello, slice of pizza for lunch!

That’s not true, actually.  It was just a joke.  The truth is I have a futon because couches are way expensive.  So I didn’t find any change at all.  Who knows what I’ll have for lunch.  Maybe this white bread is still good.  Man, this got real depressing real fast.

Brewers co-ace CC Sabathia wanted to send a message of thanks to the fans of his former team, the Cleveland Indians. And because the average baseball fan is 60-years-old, which jibes nicely with the demographics of the typical newspaper reader, it made sense to pay $12,870 to couch that benevolent gesture as a black-and-white ad inside today's Cleveland Plain Dealer sports section. 

It's from the Sabathias — CC, his wife, Amber, and their children — thanking the community for 10 very good years.

"You've touched our lives with your kindness, love and generosity. We are forever grateful!" reads the copy in the $12,870 black-and-white ad.

"Also, the complimentary cocktail wienies in the clubhouse were superb. Couldn't have been more savory. And when fans pelted me with popcorn when I was struggling in the early part of the season? Well, they only threw the saltiest, more flavorful kernels. And, for that, thanks!"