Much to no one’s surprise, the Oklahoma City Thunder are currently the best team in the NBA, as Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook continue their strange “I’m not better than him but I’m secretly better than him” routine, and the Chicago Bulls and Miami Heat have all but locked up their eventual meeting in the Eastern Conference Finals. And as I pointed out yesterday, while I might be a little biased, the Orlando Magic’s incredible collapse is probably the most interesting story in the NBA right now.

Other than that, all eyes are on the trade mill, so essentially the Magic are the focus of everyone with Dwight Howard standing firm with his preferred teams of the Los Angeles Clippers, Dallas Mavericks, Los Angeles Lakers and New Jersey Nets. Of course he’s also said that he’d play for the Boston Celtics or Chicago Bulls, but it’s clear as day that he wants to play in New Jersey or Brooklyn or wherever, and Magic GM Otis Smith is way too stubborn to trade him, so Howard will most likely sign there as a free agent.

Everything else is pretty much business as usual. So let’s make fun of everyone, shall we?

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Despite a rumor that had him pitching for a team that doesn’t make me want to kill myself, New York Yankees ace C.C. Sabathia jumped on the Internet on Halloween night to post a YouTube video announcing his brand new — and dare I say, fat — contract extension. The particulars of the deal, from Rumors and Rants:

The New York Yankees have reportedly agreed to a new deal with left-handed hurler CC Sabathia that will add $30 million to his existing contract. Sabathia had the opportunity to opt out of his deal this offseason and this move ensures that he will be in the Bronx for the near future.

Sabathia had until midnight to opt out of his current pact, which had $92 million remaining over the next four years, as he was scheduled to make $23 million each of the next four seasons. The new deal will add a year to the deal (2016) at $25 million, and gives the Yankees a $25 million option year in 2017, with a $5 million buyout. So basically the Yankees guaranteed Sabathia an extra year and at least an extra $30 million to convince him to stay.

C.C., the guy who took out a big ad in the newspaper thanking Cleveland Indians fans for not completely turning on him until he’d left the room, didn’t mention how the contract makes 2017 guaranteed if he spends x-amount of time off the disabled list or any of the particulars you might scan the wire for … he just wished us all a Happy Halloween, thanked the Steinbrenner family for making his literal and figurative never-ending buffet of financial success a reality, and said how excited he was to see everyone (even Greg Golson?) at the ballpark next year. I know he plays for the Evil Empire and all, but I feel like if you hate C.C. Sabathia, you might be doing it wrong.

You can watch the video below. Warning: It is a blonde wig and some karaoke song lyrics away from being a Shaq video.

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It’s hard being a Cleveland Indians fan in central Texas, but it has its perks; I was able to get a Cliff Lee Rangers jersey for eight dollars off the discount rack at Academy Sports. According to a report from ESPN, my next adventure in “supporting great players who play near me but left my favorite team years ago” could be New York Yankees pitcher and former Cy Young award-winning Tribesman C.C. Sabathia.

The Texas Rangers, likely to lose starter C.J. Wilson to free agency over the winter, are preparing to make a strong bid to sign CC Sabathia if the New York Yankees ace chooses to exercise the opt-out clause in his contract, a baseball source told ESPNNewYork.com.

“I hear they’re going to throw a boatload of money at him,” said the source, who requested anonymity.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say the anonymous source was “a guy on the Internet who follows baseball”. It’d be great if it was A.J. Burnett, unfolding some grand Machiavellian plot to usurp the Opening Day starter position. Regardless, the source goes on to say “no but I think he’ll stay in New York”, but I didn’t put that in the blockquote because 1) it undermines the entire point of the story, so I don’t know why ESPN chose to include it and 2) I would really like C.C. Sabathia to pitch for the Rangers. Nolan Ryan loves workhorse pitchers, and when Sabathia pitched in Milwaukee he was a feedbag away from making that figure of speech literal.

Now all we need to do is bring back Cliff Lee, get Cleveland to unload Grady Sizemore for 20 dollars and some A-leaguers (extremely likely, if you follow the Tribe) and put something racist on the hats and we’ll be all set.

Brandon and I were trading emails yesterday, discussing our respective regional weather calamities (me = underwater, him = on fire), when he asked if I could help him out with a feature or a couple posts today. I responded, “I’ll try to do a feature if I see something worthwhile. I promise. If not I’ll probably end up doing something stupid like a series of five posts about my favorite Phillies players and what I think they smell like. (CHASE UTLEY SMELLS LIKE GRITS BEHCUZ HE’S GRITTY!)” I then went to bed laughing to myself about what a funny joke I just told, and tried to think about something that I could turn into a feature.

However, because Brandon is a delightful maniac, not only did he thank me for offering to help, he strongly encouraged me to follow through with my joke idea. So here we are. Instead of just doing Phillies, however, I’ve branched out to cover the whole major leagues. This is easily the stupidest and/or best thing I’ve ever done.

[Ed. note -- Be sure to tell us what you think players who didn't make Danger's list probably smell like in the comments section. The best one wins a prize, which will probably be scratch-n-sniff stickers]

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As the Yankees prepare for their showdown with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the ALCS, CC Sabathia, demonstrating that he has an IQ of at least one-half of his cholesterol count, let everyone in on a little secret regarding why players choose to play for the New York Yankees. No, it’s not the history or tradition. And no, it’s not the obscene amounts of money they can throw at a player. Instead, it’s the chance to win championships. Wow.

“You come here to get a chance to win a championship,” said Sabathia, who is scheduled to start for the Yankees against those same Angels in the ALCS opener tonight at Yankee Stadium. “We are one step closer to that.” via.

If Sabathia hadn’t blown my mind in the same way he routinely blows out pairs of 54/36 jeans, I would have never guessed that players are drawn to the Yankees for the opportunity to win championships.

You know, in retrospect, it has been nine years since the Yankees have won a title and they haven’t legitimately competed for a World Series title since they lost to the Marlins in seven six games in the 2003 World Series, so perhaps coming to the Yankees to compete for a championship isn’t the best idea after all. Maybe it was all about the money. Sabathia did sign a seven-year deal for a staggering $161 million.

So does that make Sabathia a moron for believing that signing with the Yankees gave him the best shot at winning a title, or does it make me one for taking the time to point out that the reasons should be obvious when they are in fact not? Or both? That’s going to be a tricky one to sort out. Maybe I’ll just take a nap instead and ignore this particular conundrum.

The Yankees introduced A.J. Burnett and CC Sabathia to the press yesterday in their official coming-out party, or whatever they call those media circle jerks.  Big League Stew smartly called this $240 million worth of initials, and the largesse is kind of embarrassing.  Think about it: that’s an 82 million-dollar pitcher standing next to a 161 million-dollar pitcher standing in a new $1.3 billion-dollar stadium.

In a related story, I found two dollars in change under my couch cushions.  Hello, slice of pizza for lunch!

That’s not true, actually.  It was just a joke.  The truth is I have a futon because couches are way expensive.  So I didn’t find any change at all.  Who knows what I’ll have for lunch.  Maybe this white bread is still good.  Man, this got real depressing real fast.