We talk a lot about the esoteric weirdos who make those wacky Taiwanese animation videos where Tim Tebow gets literally crucified and hockey fights turn into graphic dismemberments, but sometimes its nice to see actual animation, where the people involved took the time to make it clever or interesting or pretty or not full of random stabbings.

In the spirit of that sentiment, here’s a clip from Blank On Blank that illustrates a 1992 interview with basketball great Wilt Chamberlain. Highlights include:

- Wilt as a giant monster, destroying a town
- Wilt lovingly petting a cat (because this is on The Internet)
- Wilt’s sexual motto (“Viva la difference!”)
- a thorough conversation about dog sizes

It’s good stuff. Check it out, and then watch the rest of their stuff if you’re bored. The Jim Morrison one about the beauty of being fat is a good one. And check out the one where Manny Ramirez beats his wife with an oversized bat that reads STEROID ALLEGATIONS. I think that was them.

[h/t to Deadspin]

The question: “Metta World Peace, you had knee surgery 12 days ago. How is it possible that you’re playing in tonight’s game against the Hornets?”

The answer he gave in the Los Angeles Times:

“It’s not about how strong I am playing tomorrow night,” said World Peace. “It’s about how strong I was playing three games ago. I was ready to play.”

The doctors “were amazed at how the swelling didn’t even exist. That’s off of meniscus surgery,” he said. “You can play, but it’s the swelling that keeps you from playing. I didn’t have [any swelling] and that’s why I wanted to play right away.”

The answer he gave when somebody asked him the question to his face: “I’m too sexy for my cat.”

No, seriously.

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As a resident of Austin, TX, I don’t like to throw shade at hipsters. I think hipsters are great. Without hipsters we wouldn’t have so many niche coffee shops, high-end thrift stores, festivals with taco cannons or vegan food trucks. I think “hipster” gets thrown around too liberally, and is a catch-all for squares. Don’t like how somebody looks? Are they different from you? HIPSTER. GET HIM.

That said, I have prepared a dark world of shade to throw at CAT BIKE GUY, the Philadelphia resident with a GoPro camera and a desire to be a living, breathing ‘Portlandia’ joke. Here’s the quick checklist:

1. Ironic mustache
2. Pabst Blue Ribbon sticker on his helmet (no, seriously)
3. rides his bike everywhere
4. makes his housecat sit on his shoulders while he rides his bike everywhere so he can be the Cat Bike Guy
5. quirky soundtrack accompanying him at all times

All he needs is a really tall bike and some clunky glasses without lenses and he’s hipstered as hard as he can. That poor cat. When Cat Bike Guy stops, the cat should just leap for it and bail.

[via Reddit]

Look at this disgusting pig. Pig cat.

Providing further evidence that the U.S. has become a country full of people obsessed with glamour and fame while embracing laziness and apathy, the team at Today recently told us the story of one brave American who is finally fighting back. Holly is a 13-year old cat whose owner refers to as a “couch potato”, which is why it comes as no surprise that she has grown to a disgusting weight of 18-pounds.

Now, though, as her doctors have told her that she must lose at least six pounds to save her life, Holly has adopted a new weight loss routine thanks to the fine people at Olde Towne Pet Resort in Dulles, Virginia. It is at this very resort that Holly, with only a life jacket and a hunger to live, has begun swimming daily in a pool that is sometimes filled with ferocious dogs.

Bravery indeed has a new name today, and it is Holly.

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Here’s a story that will make you laugh, then cry, then want to find like four cats and tie them together and try to make things right.

Meet Stewie, the Guinness World Record holder for “World’s Longest Cat.”

The longest domestic cat is Mymains Stewart Gilligan (Stewie to his furr-ends), who is 123 cm (48.5 in) long. He is owned by Robin Hendrickson and Erik Brandsness (USA) and was measured on 28 August 2010.

Mymains Stewart Gillligan is a 5 year-old Maine Coon.

I wish the story could end with THIS CAT IS LONGER THAN EVERY OTHER CAT EVER THAT IS AMAZING, but it doesn’t. Stewie spent the last few years battling cancer and passed away earlier in the week. I can’t think of anything more directly saddening on the Internet than “a special cat has died.” Stewie’s owner posted a farewell video on his Facebook fan page (because he has that) and gives the poor guy a chance to say goodbye. The tears we cry for Long Cat are long.

Here’s a clip of Stewie in happier days, from his Guinness World Records video.

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The NHL Lockout is over (HALLELUJAH), so I can get back to talking about what really matters — cats trying to do things and failing miserably. If you’re worried about this not being sports related, two points: 1) it’s Monday morning, so give me a break, and 2) one of those cats belongs to Ray Lewis. (h/t to Bob’s)

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Links

Meet The Awesome Mom Who Made Her Son Sign An 18-Point Contract To Get His First iPhone |UPROXX|

The Best And Worst Of Geek Culture 2012 (Part 1) |Gamma Squad|

The Vikings May Have Lost, But This Minnesota Local News Report Wins Everything |Warming Glow|

Pictured: Arnold Schwarzenegger crushed a car with a tank today |Film Drunk|

The Best Of Vintage WWF Royal Rumble Promos |With Leather|

Vampire Weekend To Release Third Album This Spring |Smoking Section|

Ray Lewis Bid Farewell To The Dirt |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

!–more–>

13 Actors Whose Faces You Know From TV But Names You Don’t |Buzzfeed|

27 Cats Who Can’t Believe What They Just Saw |HuffPost Comedy|

The 12 Most Important Sneakers Over The Last Decade |Giant Life|

Napoleon Wasn’t Short, Vikings Didn’t Wear Horned Helmets, and 3 More Historical Misconceptions |Mental Floss|

What to Say When Someone Knocks on the Bathroom Door |College Humor|

Jackie Chan’s 10 Best Stunts |Unreality|

Cinema’s Most Dynamic Duos of 2012 |Pajiba|

Blackface Is Still Totally Cool in Germany, Apparently |Hypervocal|

Why Seth MacFarlane Sucks |Smosh|

“Top 10 Worst Solo Albums by Superstar Band Members” is just begging for a fight |Fark|

20 Athlete Crushes from Your Childhood |Brobible|

A Close Encounter With A Polar Bear |High Definite|