An elaborate scheme to teach high school baseball players the value of not sending nude pictures to strangers, or a horrible man’s attempt to see kid dicks? YOU decide!

Actually, sorry, you don’t have to decide. The horrible dicks one.

Irvine police have arrested a high school baseball coach suspected of posing as a female on Facebook and convincing underage boys to send him sexual pictures of themselves.

Zachary Reeder, 30, of Orange set up a fake profile using a photo of a blonde female, police said, and used the social networking site to form relationships with his victims.

Reeder was arrested Saturday on suspicion of lewd conduct with a child, possession and distribution of child pornography, and child annoyance. (via Daily Pilot)

The worst part about the Manti Te’o story making “Catfishing” a household word is that a bunch of the less-clever perverts found out and went, “wow, I’m gonna try that!” So now women are being lured into jewel heists or whatever and local reporters are getting Catfished on Facebook for money. I wish we could go back in time to 2009, when the only way we had to address people with imaginary internet relationships was “stop being stupid.”

A video report of the story is after the jump. Enjoy*.

*”Enjoy” is probably not the right word.

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If The Pope has done nothing else to help the world, he’s gotten Dick Vitale to shut up. Temporarily.

The legendary sportscaster and professional caps-lock yeller had a chance to briefly meet and greet Pope Benedict XVI on Tuesday while on vacation in Italy, and as a man of faith he seemed so legitimately excited about it I can only make so much fun. Although he does type exactly like he talks.

Another tweet added “Can’t wait 4 the photos taken by the Pope’s staff- in awe as we made small talk .Asked his Holiness to pray 4 peace in our world & 4 my fam.” I would’ve loved to listen in on that conversation. Vitale goes UNBELIEVABLE BABY and kisses the Pope’s ring, then tells him he wants world peace. The Pope sorta scratches his head and goes “sh**, okay, don’t know why I didn’t think of that”. He should’ve asked the Pope what he thinks Rex Ryan’s tattoo means.

Of course, the religious experience wasn’t enough to change Dick’s human nature, and within a few hours he was back to his old self, sharing Italian vacation stories only Dick Vitale could find interesting.

That wouldn’t have anything to do with you just hanging out with the Pope, would it?

[via Twitter]

Okay, maybe not, but how awesome would Catholicism be if you had to dodge one of Dirk’s sh:tty picks to get to the altar?

The Summer of Love continues for Dallas Mavericks one-footed basketball monster Dirk Nowitzki. In the last month we’ve seen him trounce the Miami Heat in Miami to win an NBA Championship, single-handedly down an $80,000 bottle of champagne, put his Dirk in LeBron James’ mouth, become an honorary Ohioan, deliver a Top Ten List on the “Late Show with David Letterman” and throw out an eephus pitch at a Texas Rangers game. Now he gets to return home to Germany, where the Black Eyed Peas are always playing in the background and everybody f**king adores him.

A reported 11,000 people gathered for the Dirk Nowitzki Hero’s Welcome, which featured a personal parade, Dirk waving at everybody from a balcony like he’s Eva Peron, and a karaoke rendition of “We Are the Champions”. Good job, LeBron, you played like Shemp in the fourth quarter and now ALL OF GERMANY is the champion. Check out the video below, with a pointy helmet tip to Pegasus News.

I, for one, welcome our new basketball overlords.

“God said, ‘Go out and multiply.’ He did not say, just have two or three kids,” Pacquiao preached.

That’s the reason congressman and World’s Best Boxer Manny Pacquiao is opposing a bill that encourages the use of contraceptives and family planning in the Philippines. As this blog does not have a liberal agenda~ I will note that his stance is favored by the Catholic Church and that 80% of Filipinos are Catholic. God, an omniscient being who most favors early-90s African-American mother Bébé, could not be reached for comment.

In another interview, Pac Man explains why if he’s gonna eat it, he’s gonna eat everything.

“It’s sinful to use condoms and commit abortion. My parents were poor… they had four children, it was very difficult but we persevered.”

I’m not sure how much of that perserverence involved Filipino venereal disease, but Manny did run away from home to become a boxer after watching his poor dad kill and eat the family dog, so I won’t dispute the guy. You’d think the struggles of being poor and dealing with thinned-out resources would encourage someone to NOT have babies, but I’ve lived in the American South too long to believe in reason. I just think you’ve got to be in a weird place to have sex with a woman, finish inside of her, and then get disappointed when you don’t get her pregnant. That is some kind of crazy awesome Duggar Family fantasy life.

[H/T Larry Brown]