ROWR!  HISSSS!!!  Buckle up, everybody, IndyCar competitors Danica Patrick and Milka Duno had an altercation in Ohio this weekend, when speed princess Danica didn't like fiery Latina Milka's slowocity on the track.  Tempers flared, and the passion was undeniable.

“She came to my team and our pit box in a very bad way with bad words,” Duno said. “If you come in a nice way, perfect, we can talk. If you come in a bad way, you are going to find my bad side. I don’t like drama, and I told her ‘go away, you are not welcome.’.”

Patrick said she didn’t regret her action… “Unfortunately, things involving me tend to evolve. I’m on the hot seat when I do something and when others do something (connected to me). It’s kind of the line that I walk because I’m popular.”

Duno acknowledged she was struggling in her first Indy-car event at the track, but she issued a warning to Patrick… I don’t like the show she likes in every race weekend,” Duno said. “She can push the guys because they cannot do anything to her, but she cannot push me… I know if somebody pushes me and finds my bad side they are going to get a problem.”

You know what would make this better?  If we had video of Danica approaching Milka, then Milka getting bitchy and throwing a towel at Danica, then Danica swearing at Milka after she walks away.  Oh wait a second, WE DO. 

Eh, needs more hair-pulling and clothes-tearing and passionate, angry lesbian sex.

[Fan IQ] 

Randy Couture may be one of the greatest fighters in UFC history, but on Saturday night it was his wife Kim who had the attention of the mixed martial arts world.  And not in a particularly good way.  Kim Couture made her pro debut against fellow rookie Kim Rose, and Rose left Couture worse for the wear in winning a unanimous decision.

As the bout opened, [Rose] came storming in with an overhand right that found its mark and crumbled Couture to the canvas. She immediately followed with a flurry of hammer blows, but Couture somehow held on and weathered the storm.

Little did anyone know at the time, Couture not only suffered a broken nose in the exchange, but the bone-crushing overhand right, according to her Xtreme Couture teammate Brice Ritani-Coe, actually split her lower jaw bone in the middle of her chin.

So… I guess props to Couture for going the full three rounds with a broken nose?  I've never been punched in the nose, but I can imagine the pain. I popped a zit inside my nostril once, and I cried for like 30 minutes.

[Flatusyahu via on 205th; lame video at FanHaus] 

Tito Ortiz will participate in this next weekend's UFC 84, likely his last fight ever for UFC.  These days Ortiz is known more for dating the remains of Jenna Jameson (seen here) than he is for his accomplishments inside the ring, but he's stated that an apology from UFC President Dana White could make him come back to mixed martial arts' premier organization.  Ortiz:

"If [White] learns to shut his mouth and learns to respect me there is a possibility [I would return]. [He needs to] give a public apology for the things that he has done… I want to go with a company that is going to respect me and see me as the champion I am and the ambassador that I am of the sport and not really downplay me or disrespect me on television or anything else."

Yesterday White, obviously cowed, offered this sincere apology:

"Tito is a fucking idiot," White said. "He's one of the dumbest human beings I've ever met. Everything that comes out of his mouth makes no sense." [...]

"I put up with his shit when he was a good fighter," White said. "He's not anymore… I have no interest whatsoever in being in the Tito Ortiz business. … I've never wanted to see anyone get their ass kicked worse than I want to see Tito get his kicked next Saturday night."

Awww that's sweet.  Reminds me of how my parents tell me they love me.  This zipper scar on the side of my head lets me know they care. 

I apologize for all the Jenn Sterger news today — I know how much you people hate sexy pictures — but in addition to joining forces with More Credible (see today's SAN), she has also used her personal blog to blow up SPORTSbyBROOKS's report that she was fired from SI.com.  She breaks down SbB's post FireJoeMorgan-style, refuting pretty much everything they wrote.  It's actually kind of uncomfortable to read.  Here's part of her defense for her appearance in Playboy:

As for the infamous Playboy pics or lack thereof… so what?… Was it good for you?.. Glad you enjoyed it!! But Buddy, that was the May 2006 magazine Top Ten Party schools feature that was shot 6 months before the actual photo ran. It was one shot. One boob. Get over it. My Playboy experience was awesome. The company is a great one to work with, and it has definitely opened doors for a lot of people other than me. To say I have no credibility based on the fact I chose to pose for one photo in a reputable men’s magazine is absolutely ridiculous.

I like SbB a lot, and I'm sure they had a good source for their report, but I'm going to have to believe the hot chick here. Basically the only way SbB can refute Jenn's claims with any credibility is if some of the SbB girls shoot a video where they make out, call Jenn a lying bitch, and then make out some more.  What can I say, my penis is never gonna be a Supreme Court justice.

Ohboy ohboy ohboy… This happened last week, and I'm officially pissed at any and all Dallas readers who didn't send this my way: 33 high school cheerleaders got into a fight in a dorm hallway at the end of a four-day cheerleading camp, resulting in no arrests, no injuries, and thousands of sports fan boners.

Squads from both Dallas Skyline and Midland high schools were staying in Blanco Hall and preparing to check out about 11:30 a.m. Monday… The Skyline girls staying on the fifth floor began knocking on the doors of the Midland cheerleaders on the fourth floor, he said. Some of the Midland cheerleaders came into the hall. Shouting, pushing and shoving ensued before someone called police.

Man, you hate to see door-knocking turn ugly.  But you can imagine how the argument began.  The Dallas girls were all, "We've got spirit, yes we do.  We've got spirit, how 'bout you?"  And then it was fucking on.  Did no one get the memo about messing with Texas?

NOTE: Some background on the geography here: Everyone, of course, is familiar with Dallas, AKA "Los Angeles with Texans instead of Hollywood people."  Midland, on the other hand, is in the center of west Texas, AKA "Nowhere."

[Via Deadspin]

Morgan Pressel has been Michelle Wie's most vocal critic on the LPGA tour.  Probably because Pressel is a female teenage golf prodigy who's actually successful (at 18, she's the youngest woman to win a major) and doesn't get exemptions and break down and cry on the golf course all the time.  And… they'll be playing 72 holes together this weekend at the Evian Masters in France.  Awk-warrrrrrrrd!

Joining Pressel and Wie in the group — making it a threesome, rowr! — will be Gwladys Nocera, and I'm sorry but there must be some mistake.  Gwladys?  What the F?  I'm gonna have to take this one to the Hooked on Phonics Court of Appeals, 'cause I have no idea how to say that.  Gwa…?  G.W. Ladies?

[SPORTSbyBROOKS]