The new American Dream is all about getting famous for something awful or accidental, then milking it for the rest of your life. This is why Tay Zonday is doing Dr. Pepper commercials and the Octopus Mother is octo-boxing. Casey Anthony took a similar path — she (allegedly) tossed her three-year old out with the afternoon garbage and got away with it, so now everything she does and everything she wears is news and of great import. The Warren, Ohio, native is often photographed wearing Ohio State Buckeyes gear (most famously in a pre-baby murder photo shoot and most recently courtesy of TMZ), so much so that even Ohio State had to issue a statement about it:

“We are never surprised to see Buckeye pride displayed across the world. Buckeye hoodies and hats have traditionally been spotted across the world, and we understand that as a result, our logo will be seen in a wide range of news situations, whether positive or negative.”

Well, Ohio State might not care, but the state of Ohio has had enough. Its more reputable citizens (Columbus area radio disc jockeys) are taking a stand, offering to bribe Anthony to take off their school colors and making sure their stupid college football rivalries are the most important part. Via WNCI:

The Dave and Jimmy Show offered up to $10,000 to Anthony to take off the Ohio State University hat and wear Michigan attire.

Jimmy Jam believed the TMZ video showed her at the Old Navy store at the Lennox Town Center on Olentangy River Road. Store officials refused to comment, 10TV News reported.

And if you see Nancy Grace, tell her we said “Duh Huh,” she’ll know what you mean.

Good old Morning Zoo guys, you can always count on them to put things in the proper perspective. I guess with the Texas Longhorns V. Oklahoma Sooners rivalry evolving into knifefights, Ohio State/Michigan had to try and murder somebody. You can watch a video of the offer below or work from your own plans, which should be “don’t give Casey Anthony prizes for doing things”. I wonder why they disabled comments?

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If LeBron James hadn’t spent so long in Cleveland, I think this lady would be the worst person to ever rep Ohio.

Sports

@Storytime with Darnell Dockett Part 2: The Casey Anthony Trial - Be sure to check out Dockett’s second live blog of important legal events, this one featuring a cameo from Kim Kardashian, a discussion about how much Casey Anthony is gonna be murdered and a small boy in extremely tight pajamas. [With Leather]

First Look: Nike Air Max LeBron 8 V2 Low “South Beach” - That thing about LeBron under the header was a joke, so please don’t try to hunt me down and kill me in real life. Although honestly LeBron and Casey aren’t that different. They both took way too long to reach a decision. [Smoking Section]

The Best and Worst of Raw 7/4 - If you didn’t read the column this week I dissected the emotional range of Vince McMahon, explained Kelly Kelly’s offense in terms of stiff independent workers and compared Evan Bourne to a Squirtle. Even if you don’t like wrestling you’d probably enjoy this thing. [With Leather]

Funny or Die’s Field of Dreams 2: A Breakdown - We put up a post about it yesterday, too, but KSK goes second-by-second through the trailer and points out every time Ray Lewis hilariously tackles someone (spoiler: a lot). [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Not Sports

The Top 10 Floppiest Flops of 2011 - My definition of a flop and the Internet’s are two different things. These days if you don’t make a billion dollars people call you a flop. Like “LOL booster gold the movie cost 80 million to make and only made 120 at the box office what a florp”. Natalie Portman (star of Your Higness, which is on this list) is our Lovely Lady of the Bottom Half today for committing the film equivalent of Casey Anthony, going from Black Swan to Ashton Kutcher Presents F**kpalz. [Film Drunk]

Patton Oswalt’s Rejected Pitches To DC Comics - Wow, that previous link got really long. Here’s a comedian pitching crummy ideas to a comic book company. [Gamma Squad]

The Best And Worst Of #AskObama - I got looped into this, and ended up doing an #AskObama about how I’d want to marry Flo from the Progressive commercials. I have not yet figured out what this has to do with Our President. [Uproxx]

Picture Me Rollin: 50 Rap Songs About Cars - Rap songs are like John Fogerty songs, there’s always one part you can barely understand. It’ll be going along fine, and then Mystikal (or whoever) will be all, “droppin funny in my runny smoke swift wit da snag fo”. I just assume that part is about cars. [Smoking Section]

Arizona Cardinals defensive tackle Darnell Dockett is a Renaissance Man. In the last week and a half he’s live-blogged a run-in with the police and purchased an alligator as a response to almost being bitten by one. Now, the only man to date to use wealth and social media properly is live-blogging his own response to the Casey Anthony trial, a trial America has been forced to follow in detail whether they want to or not thanks to the bumrush of television and online coverage. Seriously, it’s everywhere. I opened up my copy of Great Expectations and found an illustrated chart of Casey’s imaginary friends folded up and crammed inside.

So begins part two of our Darnell Dockett @Storytime series. A couple of warnings: this is reproduced from Dockett’s Twitter, so beware some foul language and adult situations even if the heavier stuff is edited. Also, there is a picture of Dockett’s son in some extremely small pajamas. And he’s trying to go to sleep in them! But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Please enjoy a recap of (and a shared emotional response to) the Casey Anthony trial courtesy of a guy who owns an alligator and knows Kim Kardashian.

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“meh, she’s just alright” – The Internet

Sports

Kate Upton is Good At Commercials - I’m pretty happy that the hottest woman ever’s first real moment of celebrity was posing in Sports Illustrated, which has a big SPORTS on the cover, which means I can post her here all I want and it counts as sports. Extra points for SoBe’s callous use of “Teach Me How To Dougie” in a post-M-Bone world. [Warming Glow]

Bill Simmons is God of Hollywood - KSK gives the Sport’s Guy’s recent manifesto about Ryan Reynolds the Fire Joe Morgan treatment, which essentially makes it the longest thing ever written on the Internet. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Here’s a Picture of Derek Jeter’s Balls - I’m happy we made it through over 100 years of baseball before the Internet showed up and made that “balls = testicles” joke so omnipresent. Trufax: I don’t want to look at either interpretation of Jeter’s balls. [Smoking Section]

Bo. Source: Bo. - Two consecutive days of Bo coverage! Tomorrow is a statistical breakdown of how and why Ronnie Lott was the MVP of Tecmo Bowl and not Bo. [SBN]

Not Sports

The Craziest (and Coolest) Celebrity Items Ever Listed and Purchased at Auctions - Including a tissue snotted into by Scarlett Johansson, which replaces “Traci Brooks’ Ring-Worn Bra” as things I would probably buy but won’t, and won’t tell anyone about. [Uproxx]

The First Two Minutes of Bioshock Infinite’s E3 Demo - As cool as this looks, I feel like nothing’s going to ever be as great as that first time you play through the first Bioshock. I don’t want weapons upgrades, I want references to wordy-ass literature! [Gamma Squad]

Three Countries Hate Captain America - I also would’ve accepted the headline “several countries including America hate Chris Evans”. Seriously, why do they keep casting handsome Hollywood comic relief guys as my gritty Golden Age superheroes? The Dark Knight Returns, starring Bradley Cooper as Batman! [Film Drunk]

Casey Anthony Party Photos - Girls who look like Kristen Wiig and probably murdered a baby #cangetit [EgoTV]

Jeff Ashton is quickly making a name for himself in the legal world as the Assistant State Attorney prosecuting the Casey Anthony case in Orlando, Florida, which I refuse to call the “Trial of the Century” because I still have faith that a former professional athlete can eventually top this. According to Channel 13 News, Ashton has also made a name for himself as a wearer of wacky ties during courtroom proceedings, which adds fuel to my desire to get Nancy Grace to wear wacky paper bags over her head.

Ashton’s tie of choice for yesterday, which you can see below, comes from the StayDwight.com collection, as the attorney’s son asked him to wear a tie to support the cause of keeping Howard in Orlando. I can only imagine Howard seeing the above tie and shouting, “Eureka! Where’s that contract?!” In fairness, though, this is much more humane than my idea of throwing basketballs at Casey Anthony every day until Dwight re-signs.

As for the actual fan campaign, StawyDwight.com was launched by Ryan Totka, who is a Magic fan and celebrity booking agent. I suppose that means that while Magic GM Otis Smith tries to surround Howard with more bad contracts to convince him to stay, Totka can surround him with J-Woww’s breasts. I’ll take the latter effort.

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