This video really should’ve ended with the camera zooming in too far and falling off the pedestal. (via OTB)

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Links

UPROXX Donald Glover “Weirdo” DVD Giveaway |UPROXX|

10 Choice Hip-Hop Music Videos On Relationships |Smoking Section|

Mad Men Discussion: A ‘Grimy Little Pimp’ Got KTFO Last Night |UPROXX|

‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: ‘What Is Dead May Never Die’ |Warming Glow|

The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Washington Nationals |With Leather|

Five Reasons Why Being a 30-Year-Old Gamer Is Awesome |Gamma Squad|

The last Al Pacino/Christopher Walken picture you’ll ever need |Film Drunk|

The Best Of #Leslie Knope |UPROXX|

Coachella Brought Tupac Back To Life Last Night In Hologram Form |UPROXX|

Kanye’s “Theraflu” Gets A Name Change, New Artwork |Smoking Section|

Joe Eszterhas’s rejected Maccabee script was über-violent, Jewy |Film Drunk|

The Catholic League Is Irate With Kate Upton |With Leather|

Live From New York! It’s Herp A Derp Derp! |With Leather|

How Much Do You Disagree with EW’s List of the 20 Most Annoying TV Characters? |Warming Glow|

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Every few years, a TV network or a shoe company decides that sports guys should be super heroes. It happened with NFL Superpro, it happened with the Super Sluggers and now it’s happening to Kevin Durant. Or a Powerpuff Girl that sorta looks like Durant, I haven’t figured it out yet.

From the YouTube description:

The evil Dr. Deflation has escaped from Air Max security prison and is hellbent on stealing all of the world’s air. The Air Alliance made up of Charles Barkley, Ken Griffey Jr., Bo Jackson, Clay Matthews, Kevin Durant, Megan Rapinoe, and Allyson Felix, are on a mission to defeat him. Nike’s best Air products are available at Foot Locker including the Nike Air Max Griffey Fury, Nike Diamond Turf II, and the Nike Air Max NM.

If I’m making a Kevin Durant super hero named “Durantula” I’m gonna give him eight arms, or at least some sort of spider power more obvious than creating basketball Hadoukens.

Regardless, check out the preview video after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

What do you do if you’re a 23-year-old millionaire and your employer is about to make a decision that could send you across the country, uproot your existence and change your entire life? If you’re like Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley, you cope with the stress by pretending to be a blogger until everything blows over.

From Jerry Zgoda of The Minneapolis Star Tribune:

What was Wolves forward Michael Beasley doing in those final minutes before Thursday’s trade deadline when his fate was decided and the Wolves turned down a trade offer that would have sent him to the Lakers?

“I know exactly what I was doing: I watching Fanboy and Chum Chum, eating pizza, French fries and lemonade,” he said, referring to a Nickelodeon cartoon and some of his favorite foods.

In case you weren’t aware, ‘Fanboy and Chum Chum’ is an animated show on Nickelodeon, so imagine a story from 25 years ago where Karl Malone tells Bob Costas that he thought he was gonna be traded, so he got high and watched six straight hours of ‘David The Gnome’.

If “I watched cartoons” wasn’t Manny Ramirez Man-Child enough of an answer, I’m pretty sure “pizza, french fries and lemonade” is the most second grade last meal of all time. The only way it could’ve been better is if he’d eaten chicken nuggets with ketchup. Serious journalism question: Was the pizza square?

[h/t Ball Don't Lie]

Links

Smell Their Feet: The Greatest Child Halloween Costumes That Will Ever Show Up At Your Door - If a child showed up to my door dressed as Sho Nuff (or Bruce Leroy, as long as I could tell it apart from a Game of Death costume) I’d give them ALL of my candy, plus whatever candy I could afford for the next year. [UPROXX]

Our Favorite Photos From Zombie Walk Toronto 2011 - “Our favorite photos” is so funny to me, like Robopanda is flipping through a bunch of polaroids going, “Well, I LIKE this one, but I don’t know if I love it.” (Hi, Robopanda) [Gamma Squad]

Frotcast 71: Spielberg, Voice Mails, Rum Diary, More Seagal or Porn Star - I’m going to debut our podcast at some point in November or die trying. [Film Drunk]

The Dugout: Jim Thome’s Back(yard) - In case you missed it yesterday, here’s a Dugout everybody likes because it has almost nothing to do with baseball. Comment on this thing! [The Dugout]

T.I. And Chelsea Handler Rekindle Their Late Night Magic - The “teen who wants to sleep with his friend’s Mom” in me really enjoys Chelsea Handler. Fantasy threesome: me, Chelsea Handler, Laura Prepon dressed as Chelsea Handler. [Smoking Section]

Meme Watch: Pick Up Line Panda Is Striking Out - Maybe Pick Up Line Panda should outfit himself with the latest technology from Cybertronics. Hi again, Robopanda. [UPROXX]

14 Punctuation Marks That You Never Knew Existed - I know that “schwah” isn’t punctuation, technically, but I hope it’s on here somewhere. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim’s Abstract Costume Corner - I don’t work at Adult Swim, but in my mind it’s just Bob Odenkirk and Starburns sitting in an office rolling their eyes while the interns come up with stuff like this and put it online. [Adult Swim]

Freddy Krueger Edges Out Samara Morgan In A Poll For The Scariest Horror Movie Character - You guys think I’m a pro wrestling hipster, wait until you hear my opinions about movies. Samara Morgan? Seriously? Yeah, I’m deathly terrified of your photoshop filters, guys. [FARK]

Regis Strips For Snooki - Regis shouldn’t be doing anything for Snooki. Nobody should be doing things for Snooki. Get it together, America. [AOL TV]

5 Bizarre Killing Sprees That Never Got Solved - An alternate title for “Regis Strips For Snooki”. [The Smoking Jacket]

The 50 Most Successful Box Office Stars of All Time in North America - Jim Varney is on here somewhere, right? He went to camp AND jail AND was scared so much it made him stuipd. [Pajiba]

Turning Movie Posters Into Cartoons - I don’t know why the Tazmanian Devil is in The Illusionist, but it instantly improves that film. [Unreality]

Happy Columbus Day, everybody. I’m going to celebrate by going into my friend’s house, telling him I live there now, then giving him a terminal disease. And then I’m going to try to sell all of my brown-skinned friends. Columbus!

Links

Changes In The UPROXX Media Network’s Commenting System Are A-Comin’ - Rating systems, posting incentives and more are heading your way, and two weeks after they arrive I’ll figure out how to leave comments again and thank you for supporting UPROXX© brand media. [UPROXX]

Worst UFC Cake Ever - This is what happens when you spend too much time on the cage and not enough time on the fighters. The line between “MMA guys” and “gay gentlemen watching the clouds” is razor thin. [The Fight Nerd]

Jeremy Bridges Pooped His Pants - His punishment should be never wearing those white uniforms again. Sometimes they just knock the sh*t out of you, I guess. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Real Steel Review: A Terrifying Commercial For A Dystopian Future - They totally skip over the 100 years or so when people go THIS IS FAKE, ROBOTS AIN’T EVEN REALLY PEOPLE. Also, I don’t ever want to see a commercial for this f**king movie ever again. [Film Drunk]

The Problem With ‘Terra Nova’: Boring Characters - The other problem is Transformers disease: if you make a show about battling space robots, have the space robots battle each other, don’t show me what Average White American thinks about it. [Gamma Squad]

Lil Wayne Delivers 30-Minute PSA On His Legacy And Steve Jobs - He admired Steve Jobs’ poppin’ bottles and dipping just as much as Steve admired bartending and stripping. [Smoking Section]

Trailer for Reincarnated ‘Beavis & Butt-Head’ - So good. Now bring back Dog Boy! [Warming Glow]

10 Famous People Without Their Famous Facial Hair - See what Brian Wilson looked like before he started trying too hard! Also, Ron Swanson sans mustache is still the weirdest thing ever. He looks like a pug. [Buzzfeed]

The Most Banned Horror Movies in History - I miss the 70s, where you could just rip a turtle apart on film and rape somebody and it was considered a classic. [Moviefone]

Ben & Jerry’s Supports Occupy Wall Street - I bet the hard-assed Republicans at Rice Dream think otherwise. [The Daily What]

The Ten Best Cartoons From The 80s - Normally this kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but I want to know who at Unreality Mag decided “cartoons I remember from the 80s” was a good and unique idea in goddamned 2011 on the Internet. That list was played out back when we were starting X-Entertainment in like 1999. [Unreality]

It’s official … he’s back in Cleveland! No, not this guy.

Sports

Yankees-Athletics: Live-Blogging The Luncheon For The Friends Of Eric Plunk - Jon and Nick of The Dugout (if they ever actually want to write them) spend six hours and change live-blogging a baseball game. In a related story, Eric Plunk is probably the worst and ugliest motherf**ker of all time. [SBN]

Technique Video Of the Day: 10th Planet Leg Lock - Joanne Spracklen is somebody I feel like you should know about, and given how easy it is for MMA girls who don’t look like Ghouls to get leading lady action movie roles, you might as well jump on her bandwagon now. [Cage Potato]

NBA Lockout Report: Derrick Williams Dunks On People - Brandon’s personal NBA Lockout Report: he is probably never going to get up to Dallas and see a Mavericks game live, is he? [TSS]

It’s Draft Season And Women Be Bringin’ You Down: The KSK Sex/Fantasy Football Mailbag - Worth clicking for Nathan Explosion in the header, even more worth clicking for the huge Saved By The Bell gif. I should start the With Leather Saved By The Bell/Fantasy Baseball Mailbag. [KSK]

Not Sports

Jim Carrey’s Love Letter to Emma Stone, as Read by His Ass - I don’t really blame him for (fake) pouring his heart out on the Internet, but Real Talk, Bryce Dallas Howard was a way hotter Gwen Stacy. I know you don’t agree with me already, but I will die defending this. [Film Drunk]

The Hilarious (and Dead On) Caricatures of Cartoonist Pete Emslie - What would your favorite celebrity look like if they showed up on the Flintstones? Find out here! Ah man, I wish that’s what this was. Natalie Port-rock! [UPROXX]

The Wire Inspired Motivational Posters Are Inspiring, Motivational - Needs more “”You gonna help, huh? You gonna look out for me? You gonna look out for me, Sgt. Carver?” but still outstanding. Stringer Bell was the best. [UPROXX]

Hustler Says They’re Close to Releasing Rihanna Sex Tape - Hopefully it’s with Jon Hamm and features a cameo from Shy Ronnie. [FARK]

15 Year-Old Girl Gets a Bionic Hand - Pretty cool, but call me when she can shoot it at ledges and use it to swing in and attack Nazis. For a more concise reference, “I hope she named it Fisto!” [Warming Glow]

The Best of 1960′s Spider-Man, Part 2 - I sincerely advise anyone who clicks this to go on Netflix and actually watch the old Spider-Man cartoon, as it is super hilarious and trippy. It has the laziest backgrounds this side of Caillou, and near the end just turns into colors and noises. [Gamma Squad]

10 Things You Didn’t Know About New York City and Hurricanes - I don’t know anything about New York City OR Hurricanes, so this was extremely informative. I did see The Hurricane wrestle in New York City once, does that count? [Buzzfeed]

Tom Cruise’s Ladies, Past and Present: Oh, the Horror! - If Tom Cruise is indeed heterosexual, I would prefer his celebrity female take to Derek Jeter’s. I’d miss Scarlett Johansson, and Katie Holmes didn’t show up until she was already aging out of Joey Potter, but Sofia Vergara and pre-MILF Mimi Rogers MORE than make up for it. [Moviefone]