Mathematical!

This week, Sports On TV covers the greatest sports moments of the best cartoon on television, Cartoon Network’s ‘Adventure Time.’ If you aren’t familiar with the show, it follows the various quests and activities of a human boy and his dog as they live and fight monsters in the Land of Ooo, a post-apocalyptic Earth full of candy people, inter-dimensional vampire demons, anus-obsessed ghosts and every D&D joke imaginable. It’s a show you either love from the moment you give it a shot, or spend the rest of your life side-eying. Hopefully you’re in the first group.

Be sure to check out the moments and the other Sports On TV columns after the jump, and don’t miss the Peppermint Butler commenting badge we’re giving you for sharing our list around and dropping a comment. Do that, and you’re tops blooby.

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And I say HEY! What a wonderful time of day! Where you can learn to work and play, and read the first Sports On TV of 2013: the 20 greatest sports moments from PBS Kids’ ‘Arthur.’

‘Arthur’ is about the mostly-educational adventures of Arthur Read, an 8-year old aardvark who … well, learns to work and play and get along with the people in his hometown of Elwood City. Arthur started as a series of children’s books by author and illustrator Marc Brown, and eventually became a cartoon so popular it has over 1.1 million likes on Facebook and is the longest-running children’s animated series in the U.S., second behind only ‘The Simpsons’ as the longest-running animated series in the U.S. period. It’s also full of sports, and sometimes I like to write things on my comedy sports blog that my girlfriend will enjoy.

If you don’t already love ‘Arthur’ and have no interest in flipping through this list, listen to the opening theme, included below. If you can listen to the entire thing and not sing it for the rest of the day, I’ll let you off the hook.

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This is relevant to my interests.

What’s the fastest (and slowest) famous movie/TV vehicle? We gathered 16 Star Cars at Barona Dragstrip in California to find out and burn rubber! Vehicles raced include KITT, the General Lee, Time Machine DeLorean, Transformers Bumblebee, Starksy’s Gran Torino, Herbie, the Bandit’s Trans Am, the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Van, the Bluesmobile, Green Hornet’s Black Beauty, and a few surprises in our season one finale.

If you’re like me, you’re going to watch Star Cars race a bunch of TV and movie-accurate cars against each other and run fantasy match-ups in your head all day long. Who would win in a race, Grandpa Munster’s DRAG-U-LA or The Man from U.N.C.L.E. car? The Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club or Hank and Dean Venture on hover bikes? Brum, or Caillou in rollerskates?

For all the pop culture races that matter, the season finale of Star Cars is below.

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This video really should’ve ended with the camera zooming in too far and falling off the pedestal. (via OTB)

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Links

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The Dugout Opening Days ’12: Washington Nationals |With Leather|

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Kanye’s “Theraflu” Gets A Name Change, New Artwork |Smoking Section|

Joe Eszterhas’s rejected Maccabee script was über-violent, Jewy |Film Drunk|

The Catholic League Is Irate With Kate Upton |With Leather|

Live From New York! It’s Herp A Derp Derp! |With Leather|

How Much Do You Disagree with EW’s List of the 20 Most Annoying TV Characters? |Warming Glow|

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Every few years, a TV network or a shoe company decides that sports guys should be super heroes. It happened with NFL Superpro, it happened with the Super Sluggers and now it’s happening to Kevin Durant. Or a Powerpuff Girl that sorta looks like Durant, I haven’t figured it out yet.

From the YouTube description:

The evil Dr. Deflation has escaped from Air Max security prison and is hellbent on stealing all of the world’s air. The Air Alliance made up of Charles Barkley, Ken Griffey Jr., Bo Jackson, Clay Matthews, Kevin Durant, Megan Rapinoe, and Allyson Felix, are on a mission to defeat him. Nike’s best Air products are available at Foot Locker including the Nike Air Max Griffey Fury, Nike Diamond Turf II, and the Nike Air Max NM.

If I’m making a Kevin Durant super hero named “Durantula” I’m gonna give him eight arms, or at least some sort of spider power more obvious than creating basketball Hadoukens.

Regardless, check out the preview video after the jump.

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What do you do if you’re a 23-year-old millionaire and your employer is about to make a decision that could send you across the country, uproot your existence and change your entire life? If you’re like Minnesota Timberwolves forward Michael Beasley, you cope with the stress by pretending to be a blogger until everything blows over.

From Jerry Zgoda of The Minneapolis Star Tribune:

What was Wolves forward Michael Beasley doing in those final minutes before Thursday’s trade deadline when his fate was decided and the Wolves turned down a trade offer that would have sent him to the Lakers?

“I know exactly what I was doing: I watching Fanboy and Chum Chum, eating pizza, French fries and lemonade,” he said, referring to a Nickelodeon cartoon and some of his favorite foods.

In case you weren’t aware, ‘Fanboy and Chum Chum’ is an animated show on Nickelodeon, so imagine a story from 25 years ago where Karl Malone tells Bob Costas that he thought he was gonna be traded, so he got high and watched six straight hours of ‘David The Gnome’.

If “I watched cartoons” wasn’t Manny Ramirez Man-Child enough of an answer, I’m pretty sure “pizza, french fries and lemonade” is the most second grade last meal of all time. The only way it could’ve been better is if he’d eaten chicken nuggets with ketchup. Serious journalism question: Was the pizza square?

[h/t Ball Don't Lie]