Cam Newton of the Carolina Panthers has it all. He won a Heisman Trophy, he was drafted first overall, and now he’s all over the Internet singing Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” Of course, to hear “Baby” is to sing it facetiously. There’s nothing more fun than doing the monotone, Rebecca Black-esque “bay-beh, bay-beh bay-beh” part and then going OOOHHHHH like somebody stabbed you center-ass with a fire iron. Try it, the more dramatic the “ooh,” the funnier the “bay-behs.”

If you stick around through the Bieber, you get to see Cam freestyle, which is somehow even more embarrassing and less masculine than singing “Baby.”

[via Orlando Sentinel]

Lobster Dog was just as shocked as anyone when the Houston Texans selected Mario Williams.

Originally, I was going to put together a first round mock draft to pretend like I had any clue how the 2011 NFL Draft was going to unfold and thankfully I talked myself out of kidding myself. Besides, all I have time to do is worry about the Miami Dolphins selecting Christian Ponder with the 15th pick tonight. Seriously, if that happens I will fully endorse the lockout until he’s old enough to retire. But that’s the fun of the NFL Draft – speculation, worrying, complaining, crying, protesting, cursing, stamping feet, blaming girlfriends, threatening lives, hoping players are hit by buses. You know, all the best of the “in good fun” stuff.

Instead of making predictions so you all can call me wrong – or more wrong than usual – or trying to outbest the best in mock draft coverage at Kissing Suzy Kolber, I figured I’d collect the latest and last of the big first round rumors before this little fun party begins.

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Jimmy Clausen has been one of the worst quarterbacks in the NFL this season, and that’s not hyperbole. Look at this. He really is terrible at just about everything. Two touchdowns and eight interceptions. At this point, just rename the Panthers to the Carolina SMHs. Excuse me, let me pick up that Internet lingo I dropped down.

Some dude named Steve Reed at Carolina Growl did a comparison Stanford QB Andrew Luck, most certainly the No. 1 draft pick this year, to Clausen. As a sidenote, Luck hasn’t declared for the draft yet, as he isn’t sure if he wants to deal with the pros in a year where there might not even be football.

Let’s look at my favorite categories he compared:

What they say about him
Luck: CBS Sports draft analyst Rob Rang called Luck the best prospect he’s ever scouted.
Clausen: Panthers wide receiver Steve Smith said of Clausen, “He has a lot to learn (about being an NFL quarterback). He’s not at Notre Dame anymore.”

Education
Luck: Is getting a degree in architectural design and has a 3.5 GPA at Stanford.
Clausen: Graduated from Notre Dame in May with a bachelor of arts degree in sociology.

Here’s a last category I created:

Is Jimmy Clausen
Luck: No
Clausen: Yes

To sum it up, everyone loves Luck, and Clausen’s own teammates think he sucks. Also, Luck is really smart, and Clausen got a degree in sociology. Bachelor of arts? More like bachelor of FARTS! Seriously, this is the quality cut of comedy you get from me.

I know you’re supposed to give time for young quarterbacks to develop, but there’s a difference between having some things to smooth out and just being downright awful. Clausen was never projected to be a stellar quarterback and was never really that impressive in college anyway, in his stats or in his leadership. Should Luck declare, there’s no way he doesn’t get picked first. Clausen can find a great career in the form of a UFL jersey. If Luck doesn’t declare? Kyle Orton, you’re our winner tonight! Come on down!

Derek Anderson already has apologized for calling Cleveland Browns fans “ruthless,” which seems to me like apologizing for calling water wet. First, Anderson’s remarks:

“The fans are ruthless and don’t deserve a winner,” Anderson wrote Tuesday in a terse e-mail when asked for a reaction to being released. “I will never forget getting cheered when I was injured.

“I know at times I wasn’t great. I hope and pray I’m playing when my team comes to town and (we) roll them.”

–via.

And the apology:

“I said some things to [News-Herald reporter] Jeff Schudel earlier that I regret,” Anderson said. “Those of you who got to know me personally from covering the Browns over the past five years, know this was out of character for me. I wasn’t taken out of context, but I was speaking out of frustration after my career with the Browns came to a close.[..]

“I’m looking forward to starting a new chapter in my life.” –ESPN.

Whatever. Dude’s allowed to be upset about losing his job. What Anderson said wasn’t nearly as ridiculous as this comment from a Carolina Panthers blog who wondered about the team’s chances of acquiring the one-time Pro Bowler:

Honestly I didn’t see anything negative outside of the 40% completion percentage and INT’s.

Now that you mention it, neither do I.

It only took a year and $42 million for the Carolina Panthers to realize what the rest of the world already knew: Jake Delhomme is finished. The Panthers sent Delhomme–arguably the face of their franchise–unceremoniously packing.

The Panthers are still on the hook for nearly $13 million in guaranteed money from the contract extension they gave him last spring, but making the move now keeps them from suffering any salary cap consequences because the NFL has entered into an uncapped year.

In the short term, the move clears the way for Matt Moore to take over as the starter, after he was given the highest restricted free agent tender Wednesday. It also opens the door for more speculation for other quarterback moves, as they’ll obviously be in the market for at least one in free agency and/or the draft. –Boston Herald.

It’s hard to feel bad for a guy that’s going to clear eight figures for sitting on his ass, but didn’t Delhomme deserve just a little bit better than this? Granted, the Panthers gave him a chance to recover, and he did anything but. For a guy that played in (and almost won) a Super Bowl, that 5-interception game against Arizona two years ago almost seems like an unfair legacy. Almost.

Carolina Panthers special teamer Dante Wesley was suspended by the NFL for one game after this hit on Tampa Bay Buccaneers punt returner Clifton Smith. Wesley was on punt return coverage in Carolina’s game with the Bucs Sunday when he left his feet to strike Clinton Smith in the neck. Wesley was at least one whole second ahead of the ball. Smith did not signal for a fair catch.

“I was just trying to make a play,” Wesley said after the game, a 28-21 Carolina victory. “You can check my record. … I’ve never really tried to hurt anybody.”

Coach John Fox said after watching the film Monday he didn’t believe Wesley was trying to injure Smith, who did not return to the game. via.

Whether it was intentional or not, one game seems a bit light to me. Even in the NFL, an entity renown for its regular showcasing of terrific athletes colliding into one another, this hit has a unique resonance with me, and a disturbing one. This wasn’t a lineman getting blocked on an interception or a receiver getting laid out over the middle. This was one guy using his body as a bomb to attack someone as defenseless as someone in an NFL game can be.

This cannot happen again. That needed to be the message sent by the NFL in dealing with Dante Wesley, who seems to have no problem fining the hell out of anyone on plays from scrimmage. Instead, it’s “Hey, this will look great on our highlight reel. Think you could try again on the Dolphins in Week 11?” vid.