A month ago, I attended an event and may or may not have spoken with some Orlando Magic higher-ups who may or may not have informed me that before moving to Winnipeg, the Atlanta Thrashers were offered to Orlando. Certain one-percenters declined, though, and Winnipeg sort of got its Jets back. The reason I tell that worthless story is that Winnipeg fans should really hate the city of Orlando right now.

Saturday night, as the Jets laid a 5-3 hurting on the Carolina Hurricanes, pint-sized Tegan and Sara lookalike contest winner pop star Justin Bieber was spitting mad game at his special boo, Selena Gomez. But the real to-do involves their personalized Jets jerseys above and their subtle number choices. The fan site, JustinBieberZone.com, asks the hard-hitting question:

We kinda wonder, is that their lucky number or something? Dirty mind please go away!

I assume it’s because “SCISSOR” isn’t a number. But I don’t want to be too hard on the Biebz or his fans, especially since they’re insane, so I’ll just tell them to come back and visit when they try to understand Bieber’s 420 Toronto Blue Jays jersey.

Speaking of Bieber fans, I can’t bring them up without getting a sample of their thoughts on the suggestive jerseys…

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Last week, NHL referee Chris Rooney became Internet famous for all the wrong reasons, after his voice cracked while he was calling off a goal during a game between the Carolina Hurricanes and the New York Islanders. And to make matters worse for the guy, he was touching his crotch while he did it. I like to think he was just giving the ladies a little something special.

But because the Internet is a wonderful place filled with diabolical geniuses, it didn’t take long for someone to edit the clip with a Simpsons clip of the squeaky-voiced teenager. After the jump, I’ve got the original and the remix for your crotch-grabbing, puberty joke enjoyment…

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We love athletes that play for the love of the game, even if “play” sometimes takes the interpretation of “beat the snot from thy opponent’s body,” which is what happened at the end of Anaheim’s win against Detroit in Game 6. They just couldn’t wait to start Game 7, and some mighty scuffling occurred therein. Boston also managed to force a Game 7 by beating Carolina, but they did it in a much less masculine way. Aaron Ward played, despite having a bruised vagina.

More quasi-brawlishness after the jump, specifically from the ice hockey world championships in Switzerland where the United States and Switzerland played off for the bronze medal. Read the rest of this entry »

Puck Daddy has been all over the now-rescinded suspension of Carolina Hurricanes badass Scott Walker, who was originally scheduled to sit out Game 6 for this “fight” with Boston’s Aaron Ward. And I think it was a good decision (for once) by Colin Campbell and the NHL. It’s not a sucker-punch, as everyone keeps calling it.

Watch the original feed–Ward cross-checks Carolina’s Matt Cullen (No. 8 in white) in the face after Cullen shoots the puck; Cullen’s nearly defenseless. Then the camera pans away. When it comes back, we see Cullen nearly flying out of his skates, and Walker on the scene, looking like an angry mother cub. He’s ready to go. He drops his gloves, and suddenly Ward decides that violence is not the answer. But Walker says “ready or not” and drops him with a solid right hand anyway.

When Walker had his hearing with Campbell, the NHL’s discipline czar, this is what he said.

“Based on what was said on the ice as I was dropping my gloves, it was my understanding that I was engaged in an altercation,” Walker said in a statement issued by the team.

The bottom line for me is that Ward, who now might have a broken orbital bone, was acting all coy while trying to stir something up and it blew up in his face–literally. I’m all for violence when it comes to protecting teammates or negotiating with prostitutes. People are typically much better behaved when the prospect of bodily harm is presented. But sometimes it’s just too late to play nice.

It’s bad enough that New Jersey Devils goalie Martin Brodeur is getting his ass handed to him in his divorce prodeedings. Now he’s getting caught trying to sneak out of work early. Granted, it was all of two tenths of a second early, but in These Trying Economic Times, one really needs to stay focused on finishing out the day. Straight outta Compton:

Carolina Hurricanes defenseman Dennis Seidenberg… returned to the lineup on Tuesday night and played a role in the first and fourth goals — the latter was scored by Jussi Jokinen with 0.2 seconds left in regulation — as the Hurricanes evened the best-of-7 series at two games apiece with a wild 4-3 victory at the RBC Center.

“I felt it right away … it hit my skate and then I saw it in the net,” Jokinen said. “I didn’t hear the buzzer so I was comfortable with the goal, but I was a little nervous with the replay. I looked at our coaches and players and asked them if they thought it was a good goal, and everybody said they didn’t know.”

Replays concluded that the puck did in fact find the net before the horn sounded. Seidenberg said afterwards he wasn’t aware how much time was left when he let it rip.

Elsewhere, the Columbus Blue Jackets are still playing the submissive against their division “rival” Detriot; the Red Wings took a 3-0 lead in their series last night. It’s not much of a rivalry when one team is perenially beaten down, is it? Vancouver actually won their series last night and eliminated St. Louis from the playoffs, unless Simon, Randy, Paula and that new girl all vote to bring them back. And Pittsburgh and AnaheimSan Jose won, and the hockey world championships are getting started shortly, but there will be no posts on that unless someone gets a DUI running over a construction worker. Hey, we know where our bread gets buttered.

A bachelor party in Cook County, Minnesota resulted in 14 arrests, two of which were Carolina Hurricanes center Eric Staal, 22, and his brother, Pittsburgh Penguins rookie Jordan Staal, 18.  The elder brother was charged with disorderly conduct and obstructing the legal process, while Jordan got a bonus charge for underage drinking.  As reported by Luke DeCock (it's French for "of cock") of the News & Observer:

[A]fter the Sheriff's office received complaints about "screaming, yelling and playing loud music," the group of about 20 was warned "multiple times" before it was ordered to leave the resort by Sheriff's deputies, a Minnesota State Patrol trooper and a U.S. Border Patrol agent at 3 a.m. Saturday.

"After leaving the property, the group gathered on Highway 61 and began harassing passing motorists," the Sheriff's office said, at which point 14 members of the group were arrested at approximately 4 a.m.

Well, this is massively disappointing.  When a bachelor party ends in 14 arrests I expect at least three, maybe four dead hookers.  Don't get me wrong — getting 'faced in the woods and yelling at passing cars is fun, but sports fans expect a little more of their star athletes.  Once again, hockey doesn't know how to fit into the American sporting landscape.  Give us something to work with.  A stripper, some drugs, cockfighting, nudity… it's not like you need to murder anyone.  Although I could work with that.

[FanHaus]