At one time or another, someone in any group of friends will eventually mutter some sort of variation of this phrase: “We should have our own reality show.” I have little doubt that such a phrase is how E!’s latest monkey humping a football reality series, “What Would Ryan Lochte Do?”, was created and developed, because Ryan and his friends (The Lochterage) truly believe that they are the bros above all bros.

The problem is, of course, that most people suck and are, therefore, not entertaining at all. This is the depressing reality that the Lochterage seems to ignore as their series slowly spirals toward its eighth and final episode. When the show ends, Ryan and his friends will probably go on believing that they truly are “living life to the fullest” as they play volleyball in Gainesville apartment complexes or fire paintballs at each other in an open field.

But in reality, they will just be some bros doing bro things, and the sooner they realize that, the sooner they’ll be able to stop convincing themselves that they ever had more than three episodes of material.

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According to UK’s Metro, Kate Upton is the second hottest woman in the world, and that must be true because lists are legitimate ways of determining everything. Watch this: The World’s Most Handsome Man? Me. No. 2 is Brad Pitt. That can’t be argued because it’s a list, and so the world keeps spinning in this incredible Internet era.

The hottest woman in the world, according to Metro, is 25-year old Michelle Keegan, who I have never heard of before and in this photo she looks like Ashlee Simpson, so I just laughed and laughed. Anyway, there’s no need for Upton to be upset, because there’s one man out there who still thinks she’s special, and that’s none other than our favorite confused celebrity athlete – Ryan Lochte.

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People are stupid. That’s obviously a running theme around here, but the thing is that celebrities know that people are stupid. Even stupid celebrities know that people are stupid, because that’s how those morons are even famous in the first place. Fortunately for those stupid celebrities, they’re surrounded by people who want to make money off of them, and they’re smart enough to understand the 15 Minutes concept. And that’s the reason why the greatest 14:59 marketing push has always been the celebrity exercise video.

Celebrities are usually in great shape because they have teams of trainers and dieticians that help them around the clock, because if Kim Kardashian didn’t have people helping her, she’d be more ass than a donkey farm. Marketing teams, though, know that they can capitalize off of the public’s stupidity by letting us believe that celebrities just have some inside knowledge on what it takes to keep it tight. They don’t. But that won’t stop them from profiting.

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