Zack Greinke, AKA The Only Reason To Give The Kansas City Royals Time Of Day, went eight innings in his latest start last night, which is like “balls and a half deep” by today’s standards. Most guys go five innings and they start looking into the dugout like some 9-year-old that got lost in a mall. Anyway, Greinke also struck out 15 batters as the Royals stopped a 5-game losing streak, 6-2.

“My plan was to get ahead with pitches, and once you get ahead, to finish it,” Greinke said.[...]

“I knew I had a bunch [of strikeouts] after two or three, but that happens a lot and I slow up big time, but I didn’t really think much of it until the fifth inning when there was 10, I think.”

Greinke’s ERA now sits at 2.43, best in the AL and third-best in the bigs behind Chris Carpenter and Matt Cain.

Elsewhere in baseball…The Rockies had another walkoff hit last night; this time it was the unflappable Troy Tulowitzki who singled in the bottom of the 10th to get past the Dodgers, 5-4. They Rockies are now only 2 games behind in the NL West to LA, whose lead in that division was allegedly insurmountable…The Over prevailed yet again for the Nationals; they scored six runs in the fifth of their tilt with the Cubs at Wrigley. Most of those runs were on Carlos Zambrano, who gave up eight runs but then got one back with a solo homer in the third. Washington prevailed, 15-6. Oh, and the Red Sox won, but screw them.

Here’s Carlos Zambrano’s epic meltdown in the Cubs game against the Pirates yesterday, and it’s true: you can’t spell “pirate” without “irate.” But what I don’t get is that Zambrano goes to the dugout, grabs a bat, and then starts assaulting the Gatorade machine in the dugout. First of all, that’s badass product placement. But really, what the hell did Gatorade ever do to you? It’s only provided refreshing electrolytes to its consumers since 1965.

No word on how long Zambrano or the drink dispenser will be out of action. But whatever; when you sign for $91 million, you can rip the ivy out of the centerfield wall and weave it into an evening gown if you want. Vegetation makes terrible padding anyway.

|via Hot Clicks|

Poor Astros.  Hurricane Ike came and took away their homes, messed up their stadium, and forced their “home” game against the Cubs to be moved to Milwaukee’s Miller Park.  In their weakened state, they were no match for a newly healthy Carlos Zambrano, who pitched the Northsiders’ first no-hitter in 36 years, leading the Cubs to a 5-0 victory.

Big Z struck out ten while walking one and hitting a batter en route to the first neutral site no-hitter in major league history, as well as the first no-hitter in Miller Park.  It was also the first ever recorded… Zambrano-no.  Whatever, it’s Monday.  You’ll take your puns and like them.

Other MLB scores: The Phillies swept a doubleheader against the Brewers, moving them to within one game of the NL East lead, thanks to ANOTHER blown save from the Mets’ bullpen… Watch out, Tampa!  The Red Sox are now within one game of the AL East.  Jon Lester out-pitched Roy Halladay in Toronto to give the Sox a 4-3 victory, while the Rays fell to the Yanks 8-4 in the Bronx.  Derek Jeter collected three hits for the third consecutive game to negate the effects of sucking for the last five months.

On Monday night, the Cardinals set aside one of worst sections in Busch Stadium — upper level, sitting in the sun after the rest of the stadium gets shade — as a peanut-free zone as a consideration to fans with peanut allergies.  Naturally, a bunch of delicate kids who had never enjoyed peanut-free baseball were thrilled with the separate-but-equal status. 

"I think a lot of people don't understand the severity of peanut allergies," said Carol Depke, whose son, Colin, suffers from peanut allergies and can't come to games. "We're not talking about sniffles and sneezes. We're talking about life-threatening situations, breathing problems."

On Monday, Colin and his family sat in the front row of the section, surrounded by other families who know what it's like to live with that kind of fear.

I don't see why parents always feel the need to coddle their children just because they've got a peanut allergy.  Listen, this is tough, but someone has to let you know: it's natural selection.  Your child is weak because you have crappy genes.  Stop holding the human race back by breeding. 

Although I guess I could make that plea to everyone in St. Louis.

[The Sporting Blog] 

Mitch Harris is a newly commissioned ensign in the U.S. Navy who just graduated from Annapolis.  He was also drafted by the Cardinals last week because he's a pitcher with a 94-mph fastball.  And in a Virginian-Pilot article annoying titled "Navy won't let sailor-pitcher pursue pro-baseball career," Mitchell plays his sad trombone about his contract to serve his country getting in the way of a contract to throw a ball:

“I completely understand the policy, but there’s got to be some kind of way you can do both ,” Harris said before the draft.

And from the AP:

“Of course we’re at war, no one can argue we’re not,” Harris said. “But what I’ve said from the beginning is that I’m not trying to get out of anything.  If I don’t get that chance (to play baseball) right now, I’ll never get it again. And to fulfill a goal of getting to the pros, it’s sad that they would take it away from me.”

Wah wah wah.  Oh, it's so sad the way the government took away your pro career when they forced you to attend the Naval Academy.  And here I was, thinking appointments to Annapolis — which universally require five-year commitments — were something people voluntarily applied for.  But if you think that's annoying, check out the lack of perspective from the blogosphere.

The Sporting Blog:

On one hand, yeah, I totally understand that he has an obligation to the Navy, but on the other hand, man, that really sucks. Harris – who has third round talent, but slipped to the 13th because of the uncertainty about his status – was at least hoping that there was someway he could be stationed near wherever he was playing, thus being able to be both in the Navy and play ball. Secretary [of the Navy] Buzzkillington ruled out that possibility as well.

Yeah, it's crazy the way some organizations actually expect athletes to honor their contracts.

FanIQ:

I have no problem with Campbell skipping out on Iraq to play football, I'd do the same thing. But I find it curious that the Navy won't let Harris do the same thing. Especially when he's not likely to be used for anything of any value except washing decks. But hey, I'm just a civilian, I'm sure our military totally has everything figured out. I mean, clean decks are critical to our nation's goals in Iraq.

Actually, Naval officers don't generally wash decks.  Enlisted sailors do that.  And keeping the deck clean is a great way to keep the ship from rusting to pieces from saltwater corrosion and having foreign objects sucked into aircraft engines or having those objects blown into people's eyes.  No need to tell us you're civilian: it's blatantly obvious.

Sports by Brooks:

Although he hasn’t been told where exactly he’s headed (loose lips sink ships, you know), Harris realizes that his plans for a pro ball career have been washed out.

Actually, he's headed to the USS Ponce (LPD-15), an amphibious dock transport (read: Marine Corps taxi).  It's in the Virginian-Pilot article.  Get it together, people.

Cardinals first baseman Albert Pujols injured the Padres' pitcher and catcher in the span of two batters last night.  Pujols began with a line drive off the grill of Chris Young, breaking his nose and making his jersey into a Spray 'n Wash stain stick commercial.  Pujols then came around to score, and his slide demolished Chris Young's ankle like a big rig hitting a parked Smart Car.

Above is the video, and — true to baseball form — it's two brief moments of action packed into six breathless minutes of people standing around.  Young's face gets smashed right away, then there's a lot of writhing around and medical attention while the announcers claim the replay is "too gruesome" to show.  Hey, fuck you guys.  Gruesome is the only reason I'm watching this. 

Finally, around the three-minute mark, we get to see the second act.  By this point, Pujols is tired of acting like he cares about hurting people, so he just goes back to the dugout.  Reached for comment, Pujols affected a bad Russian accent and said, "If he dies, he dies." 

[FanIQ]