Yesterday, we shared with you the news that beloved (cough) Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen has parted ways with the organization because he couldn’t fly to Spain on their dime and wanted a bigger boat. In the Bard’s own words, by way of the Chicago Sun-Times:

“If I leave here, I will say, ‘I leave here because I want to make my [bleeping] money,’ ” he said. “You know why? Because no [bleeping] fans, no [bleeping] Jerry or [bleeping] anybody is going to take care of my grandkids and put me in a 62-foot boat. That’s why there’s free agency.’’

The Dugout has been on a brief hiatus while I was away on vacation and/or readjusting to the rigors of going to work every day in my underwear, so please enjoy this super-sized edition featuring the entire Ozzie Guillen saga, from his announcement of free agency to his Floridian journey and all the way back to Chicago, where the managers flow like wine. If you get concerned about the accents as you read, please remember how Ozzie Guillen actually sounds, and consider that I did him a favor.

The strip will be back in our regular rotation again from here on out (because baseball season being over is the best time for Dugouts, because I’m not watching baseball and things are actually happening) so be sure to like us on Facebook to keep up with the stories and drop us a comment either here or there. We’d also appreciate feedback in the form of 62-foot boats.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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In baseball news that doesn’t make a lot of sense, Washington Nationals manager Jim Riggleman has decided he hates baseball and would rather have no money than less of it. The synopsis, from NBC’s Hardball Talk.

Just minutes after the Nationals beat the Mariners with a walk-off sacrifice fly in a 1-0 game to move above .500 manager Jim Riggleman announced his resignation. According to general manager Mike Rizzo this morning Riggleman expressed displeasure about his contract, which includes a 2012 option that the Nationals haven’t picked up, and said he would step down from the job if it wasn’t handled by the end of this afternoon’s game.

It wasn’t and he did. What an odd situation, particularly with the Nationals playing their best baseball in … well, ever. Riggleman was clearly extremely frustrated by the entire situation, but to quit 75 games into the season, with the team winning 11 of their last 12 games, is shocking.

I eliminated some of the paragraph breaks, but you get the idea. Be sure to read about the first manager to resign in a Dugout this week, then read today’s, which follows the jump.

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Fun fact: If you ask the average sports fan who he thinks will win the Stanley Cup, he will answer “LeBron James.”

Sports

Canucks Try to Explain 8-1 Game 3 Embarrassment - Canucks player Carlos Zambrano added “we stinks.” There are a lot of great parallels between the NHL and NBA finals, such as the Heat/Bruins being unstoppable and Dirk/the Canucks refusing to do anything but set those terrible picks over and over. [Puck Daddy]

Tim Thomas Toe-Pick Followed By Some Redemption - This is the easiest way to humanize a player, by watching him mess up and fall on his ass, then absolutely truck somebody. Hockey is pretty cool, and more people on the Internet should watch it. [Yardbarker]

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Carlos Zambrano has told the Cubs what they already know: they stink. Furthermore … well, that’s it. The proper blogger stance is to stand up against Zambrano’s opinion and compare him to Ozzie Guillen, saying they’re both irrational, emotional “thugs” and any other words I can think of to whitely describe Hispanic people without you noticing.

Instead, I have constructed a web comic about baseball, and I hope you enjoy it. Today’s Dugout follows. Just make sure you watch the video I linked up there, so you don’t think I’m exaggerating any of these accents.

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Carlos Zambrano is set to make a combined $35 million in 2011 and 2012, in addition to the $17.75 million he’ll have pulled in when this season wraps up. For legal tender like that you’d think the guy would be fat-neck deep in the Cy Young race like past years, or at least the first halves of seasons. But he’s not, and instead he’s been taking team-ordered anger management classes due to a series of offbeat, quirky behaviors this season. But mainly because he’s a raging psycho.

Zambrano’s been known for his on-field meltdowns, of which he had a few more than usual this season. Chicago Cubs manager Lou Piniella assigned Zambrano to the bullpen, where he honed his 5.66 ERA and racked up a whopping four holds. The fiery Venezuelan has reportedly finished his anger management classes and will begin pitching at team facilities in Arizona. The Cubs don’t have a timetable for his return, but hope to stop pissing money away sooner than later.

Tell me it’s not my fault, Fanhouse:

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While Carlos Zambrano is visiting team doctors to check on his mental well-being in the wake of last Friday’s hissy fit, the ace-turned-batting-practice-arm has still not addressed the team about his behavior. Even when teammate and close friend Alfonso Soriano tried to call him, Zambrano wouldn’t answer. But don’t worry, the $18 million-per-year meltdown hasn’t lost his phone, because he used it to call MLB TV’s Kevin Millar and give him the whole story. Or at least the version that best suits him.

Zambrano told Millar that someone needed to fire up the team, currently nine games back of the first place St. Louis Cardinals in the NL Central. So he approached Carlos Silva to orchestrate a blow-up, in which Silva would be the catalyst to success. Zambrano, of course, readily admits that he realized his failures this season couldn’t allow him to be the man to instill the winning desire in his teammates. Then he rode off on his platinum-armored stallion to defeat the evil moon dragon, Galacticron.

Beat the crap out of my Gatorade cooler, Fan Nation:

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