This is Donna Simpson, and she is fat. In fact, she’s efforting to become the heaviest woman ever. She already weighs somewhere around six bills, but she’s still engorging in cake, sushi and donuts to make a push for history. And you, dear reader, can have a front-row seat for all the calorie packing.

She runs her own website where people pay to watch her eat, or see her wash her huge body.
The cash helps fund the family’s $750 a week food shop, which Miss Simpson carries out in her mobility scooter.

That website’s subscribers reportedly earn her a monthly income of £2,000 a month ($3033 US). And to think that I’ve been typing on this site like a schlep.

“I’d love to be 1,000lb,” she said. “It might be hard though. Running after my daughter keeps my weight down.” –Telegraph (UK)

Yeah, exercise is a real bitch like that. I hope that this becomes a movie, just so we can enjoy a five-minute eating montage. And I want Simon Pegg to play Donna while wearing a fat suit. It’ll be like “Big Momma’s House,” but for white people. And actually funny. Thanks to Jack for the heads-up.>

ASYLUM POLL: Would you like to see Donna Simpson reach 1,000 pounds? Be honest…

The Mahoning Valley Scrappers, a class-A affiliate of the Cleveland Indians based in northeastern Ohio, are giving away a free liposuction procedure at an upcoming game. And to think that I’ve been doing cardio and lifting weights like some kind of idiot for weeks on end. Okay, days. From the team release, via Small Ball USA (thanks, Playing For Peanuts):

he Scrappers will select five finalists that will be invited to the July 8th Ladies Night Celebration, sponsored by Valley Surgical Arts. During the game, the five finalists will be invited down to the field, where the Scrappers will announce the grand prize winner.”

The best thing that will happen here is that five obese women will walk onto that field and four of them will have their hopes and dreams absolutely shattered. Not that I think that overweight people are deserving of heaping servings of scorn; far from it. I just appreciate the drama of it all. It’ll be like Oscar night, except without the expensive gowns or portion control.

Tracy Phillips, the daughter of Cowboys coach Wade who once graced WL's esteemed Power Rankings, has broken through the frustrating cycle of casting couches to land a supporting role in a movie I secretly have a big ol' Cold War boner for.

Oscar-winning director Mike Nichols was looking for just the right dancer this spring for Charlie Wilson's War, a movie about a former Texas congressman, when he got a tape of a striking brunette with electric blue eyes. He decided that she was perfect to play Carol Shannon, the Fort Worth belly dancer who enthralled Wilson and accompanied him on his exploits around the world…

It may be a breakout role for the actress, dancer and choreographer… Her daring dance balancing a sword and virtual seduction of the Egyptian defense minister is a central scene in the film, which depicts Wilson's clandestine support of the anti-Soviet rebels in Afghanistan in the 1980s.

Wait a sec.  There's a story about a belly dancer seducing people all over the world, and they decided to make the movie about international politics instead?  What the hell?  Doesn't anyone in Hollywood know what a good story is?