I know The Onion has been around since 1850, so if it turns out this memo is just T. Herman Zweibel screwing around, I apologize, but Letters of Note has uncovered an incredible on-field code of conduct memo from Major League Baseball amongst the belongings of the late baseball historian Al Kermish, and if you’re still the type who chuckles at inappropriate curse words, you’re going to love it. Labeled as “unmailable” by the Postal Service, the memo is so chock full of amazing 19th century cursing that it had to be delivered by hand. It’s so obscene, in fact, that in 2011 I still can’t reproduce most of it without losing half of Uproxx’s sponsors.
Here are a few choice (heavily edited) excerpts:
The gentleman, his wife who sat with him, and others of both sexes, within hearing distance, were outraged upon hearing the player reply in a loud, brutal tone, “Oh, go f**k yourself.”
On being remonstrated with by his fellow-players, who told him there were ladies present, he retorted he didn’t give a damn, that they had no business there anyhow.
“I’ll make you suck my ass!”
Presented below is the memo in hilariously horrid total, with all appropriate hat tippage to Jaime Stearns and the Robert Edward Auctions. Click it to see the full-sized version, and remember that just because it was written on parchment doesn’t make it’s any more safe for work.
Baseball is awesome. Further analysis of the memo can be found after the jump.