Two Aussie Rules football players were fined for their parts in creating and distributing a video depicting a rubber chicken having sex with a dead chicken. If these two chickens had actually consummated, I’m certain it would have ripped a wormhole in the space-time continuum. Anyway, this came from Yahoo! News:

North Melbourne’s Adam Simpson and Daniel Pratt were each fined by their club after admitting they were among eight players who made the video last year.
The video, which was posted on the internet this week but subsequently removed, has been described as tasteless and offensive to women and drew strong criticism from the sport’s governing body the AFL.

And according to Aussie 9 News, the rubber chicken was wearing a condom, which kinda takes the fun out of it for me. Sure, the rubber chicken will probably last longer with it, but the sensitivity is what makes it fun. And yes, I looked for the video, and while I couldn’t find it, I’d like to think I found the next best thing. Read the rest of this entry »

Congratulations to Martin Brodeur, who set the NHL’s all-time wins total earlier this month. And congratulations to Melanie DuBois, who cleaned out her ex-husband in New Jersey alimony proceedings.

The court ruled that Brodeur must pay his ex-wife $500,000 a year until 2020.

Brodeur appealed, asking that he be required to pay alimony only until he retires, which he estimated would be in 2012. Brodeur’s ex-wife, Melanie DuBois, had asked for alimony payments until 2024, when their youngest child is anticipated to graduate from college.

A lower court originally awarded DuBois permanent alimony.

In addition to alimony, DuBois was awarded $132,000 in annual child support and more than $9 million in other assets.

If a tie is like kissing your sister, is doing your sister-in-law like winning a game via shootout? Or is it like scoring a hat trick, and then getting assaulted and robbed in the arena parking lot after the game. Where’s my sports metaphors almanac. I guess that’s technically a simile, isn’t it? Stupid inner Ufford.

|The Trib|

Citing a bunch of fake-sounding excuses like "lack of permits" the organizers of Lingerie Bowl V say the show is off. Again. For the second straight year. Why even bother playing Super Bowl then, if there's no accompanying soft core porn that doesn't involve the announcers and Tom Brady's junk?

It was the first time they tried to hold the event in the Super Bowl host city, as the previous Lingerie Bowls were held in my bedroom the L.A. Coliseum. We also lose out on color commentary from Jenna Jameson in which she would have detailed all the different color penises in her mouth. Megafrownies:((((

But, hey, buck up sulkmonkey: Puppy Bowl IV is still going strong. Going on the newspaper. Going on the grass. GOING ON THE WHAT? CARPET? YOU STUPID FUCKING DOG! Hopefully Parker Posey can find Colt's busy bee in time for kick-off.  -Christmas Ape