If I only had a dollar for every time I’d heard this one: English national team goalkeeper Robert Green is kinda sorta blaming his lapse in net Saturday on “girl troubles.” No, I’m not referring to a woman’s menstrual cycle, sicko. Green, whose butterfingered gaffe led to a Clint Dempsey goal for the United States, and ultimately a 1-1 draw in Saturday’s match, is suffering through a breakup with Canadian model Elizabeth Minett.

Dan Grant of Next Canada models confirmed Minett is a model with his agency.

“I can’t offer much of a comment,” Grant said. “They’ve been separated for a while now. “I talked to her this morning and she said, ‘No comment.’”

Minett is listed as a co-host on season 12 of the HDNet series Get Out! – a TV show that features bikini-clad models in “exciting travel and adventure.” –Toronto Sun, eh?

Wow, your life must be pretty bad if you’re getting dumped by Canadians. I just don’t understand why a guy in England decided to date a Canadian model. Whom he met in Canada. What’s the point of that? You know, besides dating someone smoking hot and getting a piece of that great white ass every so often? I guess what they say about English guys is true? No, I was asking you. What do they say about English guys? Read the rest of this entry »

The Winter Olympics held their closing ceremonies last night in a display so grandiose and over-the-top that it would have made any gay pride parade look like business casual Friday. Pretty much every Canadian that you’d ever heard of that wasn’t involved in the opening ceremonies was there, including actor Catherine O’Hara, Alanis Morrisette, Michael J. Fox (I got his autograph once) and Nickelback.

Canada, after a slow start, set a Winter Games record with 14 golds and sparked public enthusiasm in Vancouver that veterans of multiple Olympics described as unsurpassed.

The comeback by the Canadian athletes was mirrored by the determination of the Vancouver Organizing Committee. It struggled with a series of glitches and weather problems early in the games, adjusted as best it could, and reached the finish line winning widespread praise for an exceptional Olympics—albeit one tinged with sadness. –Y! Sports.

I doubt that American viewers feel the same way, between the tape delays and thin catalogue of games to watch that didn’t involve Lindsey Vonn or Shaun White or that guy with the racing stripe on his face, and then there was Team USA’s heartbreaking loss in the gold medal game to Canada in ice hockey. America will just move on to the remainder of their sports calendar: spring training, the Masters, and looking at boobs. Yeah, that’s a sport now, and we plan to cover it extensively. Read the rest of this entry »

Canada and the United States played off for the gold medal in women’s hockey. The northerners won, 2-0, and celebrated their tournament win appropriately (in my opinion), with alcohol and beer. Naturally, the IOC is pissed, because I guess they have standards and stuff.

A number of players, including 18-year-old superstar Marie-Philip Poulin, were drinking alcohol on the ice following the team’s 2-0 defeat of the United States. (The legal drinking age in British Columbia is 19.) Players lingered for more than 70 minutes after the awards ceremony reveling in the arena, which was empty except for media and arena staff.

Gilbert Felli, the IOC’s executive director of the Olympic Games, said that drinking in public was “not what we want to see” from athletes at an Olympic venue. The organization will investigate the actions and will speak with the international hockey federation and Canadian Olympic Committee and ask them to “act accordingly.” –Fourth Place Medal.

Despite the Olympic committees and their respective bunches of panties, I don’t see any Canadian governmental organization taking action against a team that just won a gold medal for Canada in hockey, especially since it’s the only one they’re going to get. AW YEAH, THAT’S A BURN, EH? No, but seriously, it’s not like one of them dropped trou on the ice and peed standing up, or went out and applied for a job and demanded equal pay. Then, I would have been worried.

Our love affair with the gridiron game in the Great White North rolls on: The Wes Welker of the CFL, Montreal’s Ben Cahoon, pulled in a big catch for the Alouettes on Saturday when he caught a ball for a first down between himself and the defender. It doesn’t even matter that the announcers are speaking French, which I speak fluently. The one guy said, “Wow, that’s a gritty play” and the other guy said, “He sure has deceptive speed.” It’s okay to be racist when you’re Canadian. Read the rest of this entry »