As much as I make fun of Canada, I really am quite fond of America’s hat. Those crazy Canucks gave us Kids in the Hall, and that’s probably my all-time favorite TV show, so I can’t really bash those hosers for that. But it’s just so hard to continue my appreciation of those moose-loving maniacs when they have people like Melissa Tancredi giving Ndamukong Suh a run for his money in the d*ckhead department.

To be fair, Team Canada had quite a few poor sports after Team USA pulled off a miraculous 4-3 victory in the semifinals on Monday. Christine Sinclair accused the refs of giving the victory to the U.S. before the match even started. Canada’s coach, John “Flappy” Herdman, called on Team USA to just admit that they were fortunate for being favored. But regardless of whether or not the refs were in Uncle Sam’s pockets, Tancredi really went the extra kilometer to come off as a total C-word.

Tancredi received a yellow card in the match, after committing at least 7 fouls, and despite that she still blamed the refs and not her team’s cheap tactics for the loss.

When asked what she said to Pederson after the call [that led to the penalty], she said: “I hope you can sleep tonight and put on your American jersey because that’s who you played for today. I was honest.”

Oh, and to wrap her piss poor day up and throw a big, ol’ bow on it, Tancredi stomped on Carli Lloyd’s head, as you can see in the video after the jump. And you can bet your maple leafed ass if it was Alex Morgan, I’d be knocking on Canada’s door with a Challenger 2 tank right now.

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Tammy Morris is a woman with vision and passion. And her vision and passion both involve the idea of women having dollar bills crammed in their cracks for the purpose of giving horny businessmen boners. She’s hosting the 2010 Miss Pole Dance Canada competition next weekend, and she’s hellbent on proving that pole dancing is a legitimate fitness routine that doesn’t have to involve stripping and grinding and boner-inducing, despite, you know, being created by women who are strippers, grinders and boner-inducers.

Tammy’s competition is unique in that it won’t allow “g-strings, nudity or provocative gestures.” Responded Pacman Jones, “Well, what the f*ck?” Sixteen women will grease their way to Vancouver, British Columbia on Saturday to show off their “fitness” skills. And to prove that it’s all about the workout and not about bouncing titties, only four of the girls competing have experience as strippers. What’s that? They prefer to be called exotic dancers? Well their dads would have preferred to have sons.

Report to the stage in five minutes, UPI, but up next we’ve got Jasmine and her filthy erotic python:

Morris has turned the sexy adult-entertainment style of dance into a legitimate workout regimen becoming booming business across North America, the newspaper said.

Morris says the pole will eventually be de-sexualized at the gym.

In related news, 6 million Japanese men just bought gym memberships in Vancouver.

It seems that ESPN is content with airing this annual “border war” of men’s slow-pitch softball between the United States and Canada. And that’s fine with us, because it serves as the impetus of a yearly internet flame war to which you could set your watch. The guys at Joe Sports Fan did a photo essay on the ridiculousness of the game, which aired last week, and the only thing more hilarious than the images are those champions of slow-pitch defending their “sport” in the comments section. It’s getting rather testy in there, too. If this keeps up, JSF might soon be published out of a bunker.

Hedo Turkgolu will play for his third team in three years when the NBA season gets started this fall. One year after signing Hedo to a 5 year, 53 million dollar deal, The Raptors traded the Turk to the Pheonix Suns in exchange for guard Leandro Barbosa and forward Dwayne Jones. I feel bad for Barbosa. Having to play basketball in Canada is the NBA’s equivalent of the death penalty.

The Phoenix Suns have acquired forward Hedo Turkoglu in a trade that sends guard Leandro Barbosa and forward Dwayne Jones to Toronto.

The deal gives the Suns a third forward in their attempt to replace free agent Amare Stoudemire. Phoenix signed swingman Josh Childress in a sign-and-trade deal with Atlanta earlier Wednesday and picked up Hakim Warrick in similar swap with Chicago.

Turkoglu spent one disappointing season in Toronto, averaging 11.3 points after being named the NBA’s most improved player with Orlando the year before.

Barbosa, the NBA’s 2006-07 sixth man of the year, played seven seasons in Phoenix, averaging 12.6 points as a key sub. Jones spent most of last season in the NBA Developmental League. –The Associated Press

Turkgolu’s already packed his bags and ran all the way to Phoenix, a pretty incredible feat indeed. So incredible, that he decided to put the entire thing up on Vimeo. Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »