This is how he threw all game.

The toughest part of the Thanksgiving week of NFL action for us fantasy football addicts has to be the three days off between games. Sure, we have Thursday games every week, but that typically means that we have one or maybe two guys playing at most. When you have six of the NFL’s best teams playing on Thanksgiving, though, you’re talking half of an entire fantasy roster in some cases. That means if your players have bad games, you’re stuck staring at those piss poor stats for the next several days and wondering what the hell went wrong.

Even worse, you’re left breaking down the stats and scenarios for what you still need to win, and that blows, because your opponent probably still has seven or eight players left against you, and by Sunday morning you’re curled up in a ball next to your toilet, mumbling, “Please don’t kill me, Doug Martin… oh God, please don’t kill me.” And then, of course, he f*cking kills you.

Once again, pull up your chair, because we have plenty of fantasy football issues to work out in this week’s group therapy.

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Our Man Burnsy’s on the road today, so I’m handling the With Leather Watch This. Who likes shoehorned-in wrestling references? Everybody? THOUGHT SO.

Here’s what’s on TV tonight, highlighted by a “seemed like a great idea when we were making the schedule” showdown between the 3-7 Philadelphia Eagles and the 2-8 Carolina Panthers. Sophomore slumpmaster Cam Newton looks to throw more interceptions than touchdowns against Philadelphia’s Michael Vick, a guy who could seriously benefit from Tim McGraw showing up and duct-taping the football to his hands. It’s going to be GREAT, and the Philly sports fans on your Twitter feed won’t be obnoxious about it AT ALL.

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It had been rumored for some time that one of our favorite Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Models, Chrissy Teigen, had been selected to be The X Factor’s female version of Ryan Seacrest, and that would have been awesome, because she’s funny, intelligent and very easy to look at. Then it was reported yesterday that she’s out and Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez are in, because f*ck us, that’s why.

This has nothing to do with sports, but my rage should be noted.

NFL: New York Giants at Carolina Panthers – 8:20 PM ET on NFL Network

Eli Manning and the Giants are without Hakeem Nicks, who had 412 catches for 6,215 yards on Sunday while seemingly being injured on every single play. Seriously, I’d watch a play and Nicks would be limping off the field, and then I’d look at another TV, and when I’d look back at the Giants game, he’d make a catch and then start limping again. That said, even sitting out, he’s more effective than all Miami Dolphins receivers.

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Buffalo Bills wide receiver Steve Johnson’s rap debut is here and it’s got all the football references you’d expect from a football guy rapping, including “she opened up her shirt like Cam New” and the oddly-appropriate-for-comparing-football-to-sex hashtag “lights out, Shawne Merriman”.

Additional sample lyric:

I’m sayin’ let’s
go go go go go go go go go go go go go go
I’m sayin’ let’s
go go go go go go go go go go go go go go

Players View puts it as bluntly as possible, saying Run It Back is “on-par musically with what’s out there with it’s rolling snares and sparse instrumentation”. In layman’s terms, that means “it’s not really great, but it doesn’t sound like Must Be The Money”.

Most of the references work, too, except for the one about how Johnson “Superman’d in her like Cam do”. If we’re going by the Soulja Boy definition of Supermanning a hoe, that’s not really something you can do inside of her. I think my favorite part is the direct comparison of vaginal penetration to Arian Foster. If we’re making Texasn references, I’m sad he didn’t let me on the track. I need somewhere to drop my dope line about being “rap’s T. J. Yates in the grass and the dirt/only here ’cause two other quarterbacks are hurt”.

When the NFL first announced that it was going to host an Oscars-like awards ceremony for the league’s season awards, my first thought was, “Great news for people who like the ESPYs but have ADHD.” But Alec Baldwin was hosting and I like football, so I figured I’d at least be able to watch it for the sake of making fun of it. Yet as I watched it Sunday morning on my DVR, I couldn’t help but admit to my dog that it wasn’t terrible.

The NFL Honors were far from perfect, though, and if they’re going to make this event a tradition, league officials are going to need to make a few tweaks to the overall process. For starters, as much as I love Baldwin, he didn’t exactly hit home runs with his jokes. I mean, I laughed, but they showed more blank faces in the audience, and I really don’t know if Clay Matthews appreciated being called Madonna.

As for the actual award process, I know that they need to make it seem like each category was so close and it was so difficult and arduous to determine which players were going to win, but we’re not stupid. Offensive Rookie of the Year couldn’t have been more obvious, so clearly we didn’t need two minutes of intro footage that included Mark Ingram and Julio Jones. If anything, it felt like some guys were being teased.

Most of the awards were dead on – I only really disagreed with one – so we can debate them and some of the evening’s finer moments after the jump.

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Just like the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Pro Bowl had to tarp sections to avoid a blackout.

The 2012 Pro Bowl took place yesterday, in case you were glued to TNT’s broadcast of the Celebrity Drinking Contest annual SAG Awards, and it was basically everything you would expect, as the AFC defeated the NFC 59-41. The defenses played down, allowing the offensive players to do their things, and that’s why Philip Rivers only had one interception, instead of the standard 7. But I also commend rookie Can Newton for selflessly getting the defense involved by throwing 3 picks as well.

The star of the game, though, was Miami Dolphins wide receiver Brandon Marshall, who had 6 receptions for 176 yards and a Pro Bowl record 4 touchdowns, as he scored once in each quarter. Of course, the controversial wide receiver’s moment in the figurative sun didn’t last long as he eventually opened his mouth.

“Since Jay Cutler I’ve had a few different quarterbacks and being in the Pro Bowl you have these elite quarterbacks and it’s all them,” he said. “They put [the ball] in the right spots and make it easy for me to make the catch. It’s all the quarterbacks.” (Via the Miami Herald)

While he’s right – in the last two seasons, he’s had four QBs in Matt Moore, Chad Henne, Chad Pennington and Tyler Thigpen – some have misconstrued Marshall’s words as an attack on Moore. That would be true if the Dolphins hadn’t already made it clear that they’re looking to upgrade at QB. But I digress. At least the Pro Bowl gave us something to talk about.

In the meantime, people will continue to question the need for the Pro Bowl, and those people need to shush. The Pro Bowl is great for what it is – a chance for guys who get their asses kicked for 18 weeks to f*ck around and have some fun. The NFL just needs to move it back to after the Super Bowl so the players from the eventual championship team can attend and remind all of the other players how much worse they are. That’s the true NFL spirit.

Now enjoy some of the game’s best moments before everyone goes back to airing David Tyree’s catch over and over for the next 6 days.

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