That sounds like I’m trying to be an asshole, right? It sounds like I woke up this morning and read that Mike Flanagan had committed suicide, and I’ve got no tact or personal connection to the man or his family so I came up with something jokey and tasteless for a headline. That’s what we do on the Internet, right? Joke about these things until they don’t matter?

I wish that were the case.

Flanagan’s body was found outside his Baltimore County home yesterday afternoon. He was 59.

Police have not released an official cause of death … But WBAL-TV Sports Director Gerry Sandusky confirmed with sources that Flanagan committed suicide “despondent over what he considered a false perception from a community he loved of his role in the team’s prolonged failure.”

Unbelievable.

Flanagan, in many respects, was as “Baltimore” as the city itself. He lived in Baltimore County. From 1975 until 1992, he played all but four of his 18 seasons in the Major Leagues there. He won a Cy Young for the Orioles in 1979 and a World Series in ’83, and in his post-playing days stuck around in Baltimore as a pitching coach, broadcaster and executive vice president of baseball operations. That would’ve been a general manager in most places. The Baltimore Orioles haven’t had a winning season since 1997, but as weird as it is to hope there was some reasonable explanation for a man taking his own life, you’ve got to hope that there was more to it than that.

The Baltimore Sun has started posting reactions from various Orioles players and executives, including a statement from Peter Angelos and this from Cal Ripken, Jr. I don’t think I can handle a sad Cal Ripken.

“I am so sorry to hear about Mike’s passing. He was a good friend and teammate and our thoughts are with Alex and his family. Mike was an Oriole through and through and he will be sorely missed by family, friends and fans. This is a sad day.”

Even sadder is Jim Palmer, who had to react to the news in the middle of last night’s game.

Rest in peace, Mr. Flanagan, and thank you for trying.

Baseball great Cal Ripken canceled a youth baseball clinic he was scheduled to run in Nicaragua, pussying out because of “dangerous political strife” in the wake of hotly contested elections.

[T]he program sponsors canceled the last day of the tour because protesters were blocking major roads in Leon and they were concerned parents and the youths would not be able to attend, U.S. Embassy spokeswoman Kristin Stewart said.

Opposition party supporters are claiming election fraud and have clashed with leftist Sandinista party supporters, blocked roads and held protests since the Nov. 9 municipal elections.

Aw, that sucks.  They really shouldn’t have canceled.  Just send little brother Billy in Cal’s place.  Worst case scenario: the kids learn baseball from Bill Ripken.  Sure, it’s also possible that the Sandinistas might kidnap Billy and hold him for ransom, but that’s not gonna work out.  Billy Ripken error cards are worth more than Billy Ripken.

[Machochip]

Baltimore Orioles fans who live in Maryland can now acquire a license plate with Cal Ripken Jr.'s visage:

Maryland sports fans can already buy license plates that show off their interest as hunters, bowlers and runners. But can those plates affect their cars' performance? . . . "Maybe the cars with the Ripken plates will last longer," Stan Charles said. "The Iron Man never broke down, so maybe the cars won't break down, either."

Ha!  Mr. Charles you certainly are the wittiest man alive since the passing of Charles Nelson Reilly.  Are motorists who aren't hunters, bowlers, runners, or people who know other drivers don't care what the fuck they're into (Exception: threesomes of 1 man and 2 women) clamoring for these new plates?

"We can sell 9,999 of these," Charles said. By last night, he said, he had received inquiries for 200. . . . "It sounds corny, but this is a way for us here in Maryland to puff out our chests when we travel to Virginia, New York or Massachusetts," he said. "It's a way to show our pride in having one of the real icons of baseball – and a clean icon at that."

No, that's not corny.  Unless Marylanders define 'corny' as 'ridiculously absurd'. -KD