16-year old U.S. gymnast McKayla Maroney is a vault boss who was supposed to destroy everyone in the world at the thing she was born to do. Unfortunately for her, things didn’t work out like that.

“I can’t blame it on anything except I screwed up,” Maroney told Dan Wetzel of Yahoo! Sports.

Though the vault champion could not hold back her tears, she sustained her professional posture.

“I’m happy to be the Olympic silver medalist,” Maroney said. “I really am.” (via Fashion And Style)

As happy as she claimed to be, the photo at the top of his post is now her legacy. Some have called her a “mean girl” for being the Most Pissed Off Person About Vaulting Ever, but some have taken a more constructive approach: cropping her out of that photo and pasting her onto images of exciting things. Enter: McKayla Is Not Impressed, my new favorite Tumblr until Burnsy updates the one about stuff coming out of Miley Cyrus’ vagina.

Here are a few of our favorites, with a generous hat tip to Jen Haley.

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The most C-Tates picture that has ever been taken.

Actor Channing Tatum has undoubtedly reached A-list status this year, what with all 3 of his films grossing more than $100 million and him hanging out with George Clooney, so he can pretty much do whatever he wants at this point. At least that’s what I assumed was the reasoning for him showing up at Arizona Cardinals practice yesterday and just doing his thing as the hardest workin’, twerkin’, lay it down, flip, and reversin’ it playboy in $how BizNa$$$ty.

But the Magic Mike star was actually there to celebrate his good friend Kerry Rhodes’ birthday, so he figured he’d pop his NFL cherry by taking in his first practice.

“I’ve never got to come to camp before so I figured I’d come out and see what these guys are doing,” Tatum told Arizona Sports 620′s The Big Red Rage Thursday. (Via KTAR news, which I pronounce as keytar)

So how the hell are Rhodes and C-Tates friends? For starters, they come from the same place.

“He’s actually from Alabama too, so we got connected early on and we stayed in touch and we’ve been good friends since then,” said Rhodes. (Via AZ Family)

But according to KTAR, we all know the real reason that anyone wants to hang out with C-Tates. Mad chickens up in this nest, heard?

“It was a mob scene,” Rhodes said. “Literally like on any other day, it’s probably 10 people down there. Today it was quite a few.”

“I made a one-handed catch in practice and I thought the fans were [cheering] for me and I looked back and it was [Tatum] doing some stretch,” Rhodes joked.

Word was more than 100 women were hanging out at the practice facilities once the rumor broke that C-Tates was down there doing his thang. But this got me to thinking. Hopefully, you’re familiar with mine and Vinnie’s fascination with Tatum at FilmDrunk, but if not, just know that we want nothing but the best for C-Tates’ career. So I have a little movie pitch that I’d like to send his way, based on something that I wrote a few weeks back…

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This morning marked the first time in three days that I logged into Twitter and didn’t see #RejectedOlympicEvents trending, and that’s a very good thing. Some of the jokes were very funny until the unoriginal zombies of the Twitter wasteland just kept regurgitating the same jokes over and over, some even bragging how funny they were despite having already been posted by comedians days before. I get it, the Women’s 400m Vacuuming picture that we all saw during the last Summer Olympics is HIGHLARIOUS. But whatever, I’ll leave the Twitter policing to Supreme Twat Darren Rovell from here on out.

Bitching and moaning out of the way, there were a few of these jokes that elicited strong giggles to actual LOLs – Water YOLO and Menstrual Cycling being two of my favorites – and I started wondering, “What would the Olympics look like if these crazy rejected events actually existed?” So I fired up the old Photoshopper and decided to answer that question for myself. I only wish I could have said, “Up yours, sleep” and done 50 more.

Enjoy, won’t you?

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