Internet super sleuth Jimmy Traina revealed an interesting little tidbit about Anaheim Angels ace C.J. Wilson in yesterday’s PM edition of Hot Clicks. It seems that the top free agent pitching acquisition of the past offseason has not only been enjoying his team’s bounce back from a horrendous start – they’re now in second in the AL West, 10 games above .500 and 4 back of Texas – but also a little off-the-radar relationship with a special young lady.

That lady, as it turns out, is 23-year old Brazilian model Lisalla Montenegro. While we don’t know very much about this lovely young lady, we do know that Wilson told Traina that they’re trying to keep their relationship on the downlow and would like for people to respect their privacy.

Hey, we read you loud and clear, C.J., which is why in this collection of pictures that I gathered of Lisalla after the jump, you’re not in any of them.

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In case you ever wanted to see Albert Pujols pull out a pistol and shoot somebody in the face, here’s Next Media Animation’s latest encapsulation of current events. If gun violence isn’t your bag, there’s also a moment where Angels owner Arte Moreno cuts a pizza with a chainsaw and tries to eat it with his face.

My favorite part is Taiwan’s super accurate portrayal of Texas — as a resident of central Texas myself, I can verify that we train our baseball teams by putting on Texas flag-themed clothing, dragging them out to the desert and whipping them while an Asian child does sabermetrics on a calculator. Put the kid in a long sleeve Longhorns shirt and you’re 100%.

Second best part: a Taiwanese lady trying to say “Wilson”. I don’t want to sound prejudiced or anything, but holy sh*t.

[via NMA World Edition]

If you’re a fan of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, now’s the time to start flapping your arms.

The Angels signed reliever LaTroy Hawkins on a one-year, $3-million deal on Wednesday night, then looked at each other, shrugged and said “ah f**k it, let’s sign everybody”. They suddenly emerged as the frontrunner in deals for C.J. Wilson and Albert freaking Pujols, and according to the report directly to the right of this paragraph and everyone freaking out across the sports world, it looks like the AL West squad landed the biggest and best free agent of the off-season, and possibly ever.

From the L.A. Times:

One day after appearing to have no interest in Pujols, the Angels are believed to have offered the three-time National League most valuable player a 10-year deal for at least $210 million.

It appeared Pujols would be heading back to St. Louis after the Miami Marlins pulled their 10-year, $220-million offer to the slugger earlier Wednesday. The Cardinals have offered Pujols nine years and more than $200 million.

So Pujols gets the ten years he was looking for, the Angels are instantly playoff contenders again and Mel Clark can pitch tired as much as he wants.

Somebody get the Indians to bring in a bunch of guys from obscurity and jail so we can live out our movie in real life, please.

It’s hard being a Cleveland Indians fan in central Texas, but it has its perks; I was able to get a Cliff Lee Rangers jersey for eight dollars off the discount rack at Academy Sports. According to a report from ESPN, my next adventure in “supporting great players who play near me but left my favorite team years ago” could be New York Yankees pitcher and former Cy Young award-winning Tribesman C.C. Sabathia.

The Texas Rangers, likely to lose starter C.J. Wilson to free agency over the winter, are preparing to make a strong bid to sign CC Sabathia if the New York Yankees ace chooses to exercise the opt-out clause in his contract, a baseball source told ESPNNewYork.com.

“I hear they’re going to throw a boatload of money at him,” said the source, who requested anonymity.

I’m going to take a wild guess and say the anonymous source was “a guy on the Internet who follows baseball”. It’d be great if it was A.J. Burnett, unfolding some grand Machiavellian plot to usurp the Opening Day starter position. Regardless, the source goes on to say “no but I think he’ll stay in New York”, but I didn’t put that in the blockquote because 1) it undermines the entire point of the story, so I don’t know why ESPN chose to include it and 2) I would really like C.C. Sabathia to pitch for the Rangers. Nolan Ryan loves workhorse pitchers, and when Sabathia pitched in Milwaukee he was a feedbag away from making that figure of speech literal.

Now all we need to do is bring back Cliff Lee, get Cleveland to unload Grady Sizemore for 20 dollars and some A-leaguers (extremely likely, if you follow the Tribe) and put something racist on the hats and we’ll be all set.