UPDATE: ESPN is reporting that Lambert has been suspended indefinitely by the school. Totally worth it.
Here comes your women’s soccer post for 2009, courtesy of New Mexico defender Elizabeth Lambert. Lambert played in the Lobos’ WAC Mountain West semifinal against BYU, and took some time out to go Mormon hunting, as seen in this ESPN clip. It looks to me that she’s spending more time fighting for women’s rights than simply gooning it up. Sure, she’s fighting other women, but that’s where the groundswell starts, in my opinion. And I’d by lying if I said I wasn’t a little turned on…BYU won this game, 1-0. No, I didn’t really care either. Read the rest of this entry »
>Bet the over for awkward pauses in conversation
Saturday’s Las Vegas Bowl will pit Arizona (7-5) versus BYU (10-2) in a clash of collegiate cultures, with the sun-drenched party culture of U of A going up against the Mormons and all their weird unsexy underwear and chaste do-goodery. Big thanks to Every Day Should Be Saturday, which found this promotional photo of the team’s coaches; nothing quite says “awkward” like the BYU logo in the same photo as Vegas showgirls.
And, as if the idea of flocks of Mormons awkwardly looking at the floor as they walk through the lobbies of hotel/casinos isn’t wonderful enough: German icon, proud Wildcat dad, and hamburger enthusiast David Hasselhoff will sing the National Anthem before the game.
Hasselhoff, Mormons, and Vegas. It blows my mind that this is an actual, real-life event, and not a TV pilot or the basis for an episode of CSI. Seriously, a Mormon’s gonna end up dead just as Hoff walks off the field in an attention-grabbing cameo. Then David Caruso shows up as an expert from Miami and says, “Looks like one saint just became more latter day than he wanted to be.” YEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
BYU’s 16-game winning streak and their veritable train to a BCS bowl was derailed last night after they filled up a diaper against TCU. Brigham Young fell behind 17-0 after two big turnovers and were unable to recover.
“Nobody has been able to do that to BYU for a couple of years,” TCU coach Gary Patterson said. “No way I could have seen it coming.”
Even though TCU (7-1, 4-0) had been pointing to this game since January, when a BYU logo was placed on a blocking dummy in the team weight room. [...]
“It’s more disappointing than surprising,” BYU coach Bronco Mendenhall said. “We knew they were a very good football team. But when you make mistakes like we made against a team like that, that simply is the result.”
BYU was shaping up to be one of the more fun stories in college football this season, but that’s all over now. We’ll point to the failures of the Provo-based football program when Ohio State winds up back in the BCS Title Game. I’m not any happier about it than you are.
Oh, Florida State is suddenly 5-1 now with their win against NC State last night. Hooray, geriatric mouthpiece head coaches!
[NBC Sports, home of Notre Dame football and that one fat coach]
Earlier this summer, I wrote about Kyle Perry, the BYU track star who attacked a man in the street with a mop. In the most disappointing correction I've ever written, Perry attacked a man in the street with a mop. In the most disappointing correction I've ever written, Perry didn't actually attack a man with a mop at all.
Perry claimed in court this week that he was the one who was assaulted after he braked to avoid pedestrian Thomas Wellington, who was weaving a bucket of window-washing tools through Center Street traffic. It's Perry's contention that Wellington pushed his bucket in anger into Perry's stopped car and, once Perry got out to see what was going on, came after him with a telescopic pole, striking him over the head, causing Perry to push Wellington away in self-defense. At that point Perry's fiancee, who was with him, called police and handed the phone to Perry, who guided them to the scene.
This story was sent to me by Julianne Hoeger, Perry's fiancée, and I have to say: I was positively shocked to learn that a college student at BYU is engaged. Usually they're married with two kids by the time they graduate. Anyway, thanks a lot Julianne. Way to ruin an awesome story with the truth. What's next? Mormons don't practice polygamy any more?
A BYU track star attacked a man with his own mop, leading to a scene where to grown men were fighting with mops. This is actually true:
A star runner at Brigham Young University was arrested after getting out of his car and striking a pedestrian with a mop, police said. Kyle Perry’s vehicle apparently got too close to the man, who was pushing a bucket with mops across a street June 14, witnesses told police.
“Angry words were exchanged,” Provo police Capt. Cliff Argyle said. “Mr. Perry exited his vehicle and grabbed a mop out of the pedestrian’s mop bucket and started to strike the pedestrian,” Argyle said. “The pedestrian grabbed another mop and used it to defend himself. Eventually the pedestrian was shoved over a planter box and fell onto his back,” the officer said.
I admit, I'm a little late to this because I kept wavering with which Photoshop to go with. Personally, I prefer the Stanley Spadowski/UHF reference, because it allows me to remember silly fake shows like Wheel of Fish, The Young and Dyslexic, Wonderful World of Phlegm, and The Fresh Prince Bel-Air. But a lot more people understand and recognize Star Wars, so I thought I'd put that up there, too, because I don't want to piss off the nerds. I saw this one documentary where a bunch of nerds ganged up on cool athlete dudes and put "liquid heat" in their jock straps. No thank you.
Poor, poor Duke. I feel just awful. And yet relieved that I got the Duke Sucks video posted before they were ousted.
But while we dance gleefully on Duke's grave, how 'bout that Eric Maynor? Dude took over the game in the final minutes, looking like a young Stephon Marbury back when Starbury was a name that mattered. And how about this: as the Fanhaus's Nathan Fowler pointed out, Maynor grew up (and still is) a HUGE North Carolina fan. That's gotta be delicious.
In other NCAA news, I'm pleased to report on Xavier's nail-biting win over BYU. Take that, Mormons. That's what you get for treating your fellow man with respect and spreading the word of God while helping impoverished nations. Jerks.
For all the rest of March Madness, I direct you to Sportsline's bracket. I've made the switch from ESPN… and it feels good.
