As always, I’d like to preface this post about fantasy football by saying that I do not, under any circumstance, believe that I am an expert. And as always, I will say that anyone who claims to be a fantasy football expert and does not win his or her league every year and post the results for us to see is a douche liar. I’m just a dude who loves competition among friends and a reason to cheer a little harder for games I don’t give a sh*t about on Sundays.

That said, I take fantasy football way too seriously sometimes. Everyone does. But a friend forwarded me an email yesterday morning (from a friend of a friend of a friend) and I believe that we have found THE person who takes fantasy football way too seriously. WAY TOO SERIOUSLY. Now, I need to make a few things clear:

1) I do not know the person who wrote this email. It was forwarded to me through multiple parties, so I can profess my ignorance if the person who wrote it comes hunting for my blood.

2) I have left out the names of the people involved, as to not humiliate the people involved.

3) I have also edited out some mentions of work and school, so that it’s even harder to identify the people.

Basically, I expect to receive an email at some point from one really angry fantasy football commissioner, but until then, I present to you a 100% real fantasy football email that proves that we all take this stuff way too seriously.

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The above image is from the first newspaper that I’ve purchased in probably 2 years, because once I heard that Dwight Howard bought a full-page ad to say farewell to Orlando I knew I had to check it out for comedy purposes. Sure enough, it didn’t let me down, as it looks like he sent a zip file of PR pics to an Orlando Sentinel ad designer with a note that read: “Yo, whip something nice up and throw some words on it.”

My favorite part of Howard’s letter, beyond even the charm of his “Hey look at all the stuff I did with your kids!” collage, is the phrase “Although my career with the Magic has come to a close…” because that perfectly sums up how poorly Howard handled his exit from Orlando. His PR yes-men really deserve an award for the bang-up job they did in destroying the NBA’s most likable big man in a matter of a year, because even LeBron James left the door open to eventually return to Cleveland.

Howard, on the other hand, flat out said, “See ya!” and left a bunch of trash on the curb on Monday afternoon, knowing full well that the garbage isn’t picked up until Thursday. But it’s over, and Howard is a proud member of the Los Angeles Lakers, and thanks to the current culture of NBA fans and their short attention span bandwagon worship, he’ll be forgiven in no time. So I actually want to do the big guy a favor and help him endear himself with his new Lakers fans – the same ones who spent the last two seasons trying to convince everyone that Andrew Bynum is better than Howard.

I designed an ad that Howard can publish in an upcoming issue of the Los Angeles Times, and I think it’s pretty darn accurate.

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