While many NFL players have spent the offseason and lockout trying to stay in shape by working out wherever they can, Chad Ochocinco or Johnson or whatever is living every coach’s nightmare. Sure, the aging wide receiver has been running and working out in Atlanta to be ready to torment Marvin Lewis next season, but he also decided that he wanted to ride a bull at the professional level. He could have waltzed into a bar in some podunk tourist trap and tried his hand at a mechanical bull like any good sorority girl would, but no. He wanted to ride a 1,500-pound living, breathing, pissed off bull.

In this case, Chad’s 1,500-pound bull was named Deja Blu and he almost stomped the life out of the 33-year old Saturday night at the Gwinnett Center in Duluth, Georgia. Chad made it a whopping 1.5 seconds on Deja Blu to earn himself a $10,000 appearance fee, before the bull angrily tried to crush Chad’s helmet with his hind legs.

“I was mad that I couldn’t ride it out of the chute,” said Ochocinco, who received a $10,000 appearance fee.

“I knew I was in over my head,” Ochocinco said.

“I’m sure the NFL is pissed, but I don’t follow their rules anyway,” Ochocinco said. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Forget the NFL, I have to think that somewhere Chad Pennington saw this story and just yelled, “Are you f*cking kidding me?”

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Ya know how they get the bull to buck back and forth like that, fellas? Here’s something you can test out yourselves in the office. Run an extension cord between your legs, with one hand in front of you and one behind. Now yank upward as hard as you can about 100 times. Hurts, doesn’t it? You wouldn’t want anyone filming that either, would you?

That bull’s name? Charlie Sheen. Because that bull is WINNING. (So I changed it. Shoot me.)

via SportPost.

Here’s an enterprising young lady who, despite the articulate and clever taunts from the crowded bar, decided to climb onto a mechanical bull for a ride. And I’d hate to ruin the ending for you, but this is the internet. You know how it ends. This is like a romantic comedy for guys: it’s cheesy, poorly conceived, and predictable, but still awesome. Okay, so it’s nothing like a romantic comedy. Thanks, Pavun.

Obviously, the hottest new show on TV is going to be "Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge" on CMT.  Debuting August 10th, it pits nine "celebrities" against each other for the right to — and this is truly exciting — ride a bull in public.

These celebrities will quickly move from mechanical bull to riding some of the biggest, meanest animals from the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) tour. If the celebrities can conquer their fear, avoid injuries and get a passing grade from Murray, at the end of their training they'll ride in front of a packed auditorium at a PBR event in Nashville. The celebrities will even get a chance to pick their poison, choosing which legendary bull they'll ride in the finale. It's the ultimate man versus beast showdown.

Among the show's stars will be such luminaries as one of the Baldwin brothers, that one guy from one of the Survivor shows, a guy who rides motorcycles, Nitro from American Gladiators, and… Rocket Ismail!  If this is the ultimate man versus beast showdown, it might have been nice if they had gotten some ultimate men.  Or at least some flying sharks to play the ultimate beast.

Flying sharks, man.  God I'm terrified of them.  It's a good thing they're just a myth, like ACC football and the female orgasm.

So… bullriding is dangerous now? When did this happen?

Notes to self:

1. Do not fuck with steers named "Cadillac Man."
2. Isn't it time someone made a cowboy hat out of foam padding? They could call it a cowboy helmet.
3. "No, these bars don't need any padding. This metal is plenty soft!"

(Via the FanHaus)