I'm gonna try to win the Pulitzer with this one.

Austin, Texas, has 8-10 festivals every weekend, but this weekend was a big one: the 7th annual Fun Fun Fun Fest, featuring a reunited Run DMC, everyone from Public Image Ltd to X to f**king Kreayshawn and a cannon that shoots tacos. It’s the weird little brother of SXSW, and it’s the best.

It’s also full of sports, and because 1) I was there, and 2) I run a sports blog, I documented all of it to share with you here. I actually got to participate in some of it, too. My jobs as a returning judge for the Air Sex Championships and hosting gig for a veggie hot dog eating contest got me billed as a “Yellow State Artist,” meaning I performed (as it were) on the same stage as David Cross, Eugene Mirman, H. Jon Benjamin, Saul Williams and a magician who did a racist ventriloquist act and pulled ribbons out of a chicken’s ass. It was one of the coolest, best experiences I’ve ever had, and that’s not even mentioning how I got a crowd of hipsters to join me in a Daniel Bryan “YES” chant.

Inside this Golden Treasury of sports photos you’ll find:

- Skateboarding and BMX at “Ride The Plank,” sponsored by Project LOOP
- Pro wrestling courtesy of local pals Anarchy Championship Wrestling
- Mechanical bull riding
- The aforementioned Air Sex Championships, which gets covered a lot on With Leather these days and is exactly what it sounds like.
- The veggie hot dog eating contest

Stick around until the very end to see a shirtless fat guy in a horse mask squaring off against a punk rock pornstar. That is not clickbait, that actually happened. I love you, Fun Fun Fun Fest.

Read the rest of this entry »

I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!

I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?

I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!

I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.

So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*

Read the rest of this entry »

While many NFL players have spent the offseason and lockout trying to stay in shape by working out wherever they can, Chad Ochocinco or Johnson or whatever is living every coach’s nightmare. Sure, the aging wide receiver has been running and working out in Atlanta to be ready to torment Marvin Lewis next season, but he also decided that he wanted to ride a bull at the professional level. He could have waltzed into a bar in some podunk tourist trap and tried his hand at a mechanical bull like any good sorority girl would, but no. He wanted to ride a 1,500-pound living, breathing, pissed off bull.

In this case, Chad’s 1,500-pound bull was named Deja Blu and he almost stomped the life out of the 33-year old Saturday night at the Gwinnett Center in Duluth, Georgia. Chad made it a whopping 1.5 seconds on Deja Blu to earn himself a $10,000 appearance fee, before the bull angrily tried to crush Chad’s helmet with his hind legs.

“I was mad that I couldn’t ride it out of the chute,” said Ochocinco, who received a $10,000 appearance fee.

“I knew I was in over my head,” Ochocinco said.

“I’m sure the NFL is pissed, but I don’t follow their rules anyway,” Ochocinco said. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Forget the NFL, I have to think that somewhere Chad Pennington saw this story and just yelled, “Are you f*cking kidding me?”

Read the rest of this entry »

Ya know how they get the bull to buck back and forth like that, fellas? Here’s something you can test out yourselves in the office. Run an extension cord between your legs, with one hand in front of you and one behind. Now yank upward as hard as you can about 100 times. Hurts, doesn’t it? You wouldn’t want anyone filming that either, would you?

That bull’s name? Charlie Sheen. Because that bull is WINNING. (So I changed it. Shoot me.)

via SportPost.

Here’s an enterprising young lady who, despite the articulate and clever taunts from the crowded bar, decided to climb onto a mechanical bull for a ride. And I’d hate to ruin the ending for you, but this is the internet. You know how it ends. This is like a romantic comedy for guys: it’s cheesy, poorly conceived, and predictable, but still awesome. Okay, so it’s nothing like a romantic comedy. Thanks, Pavun.

Obviously, the hottest new show on TV is going to be "Ty Murray's Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge" on CMT.  Debuting August 10th, it pits nine "celebrities" against each other for the right to — and this is truly exciting — ride a bull in public.

These celebrities will quickly move from mechanical bull to riding some of the biggest, meanest animals from the Professional Bull Riders (PBR) tour. If the celebrities can conquer their fear, avoid injuries and get a passing grade from Murray, at the end of their training they'll ride in front of a packed auditorium at a PBR event in Nashville. The celebrities will even get a chance to pick their poison, choosing which legendary bull they'll ride in the finale. It's the ultimate man versus beast showdown.

Among the show's stars will be such luminaries as one of the Baldwin brothers, that one guy from one of the Survivor shows, a guy who rides motorcycles, Nitro from American Gladiators, and… Rocket Ismail!  If this is the ultimate man versus beast showdown, it might have been nice if they had gotten some ultimate men.  Or at least some flying sharks to play the ultimate beast.

Flying sharks, man.  God I'm terrified of them.  It's a good thing they're just a myth, like ACC football and the female orgasm.