So yesterday, I was all, “Wow, did you guys see those baseball teams and especially the New York Yankees and Milwaukee Brewers being so awesome by playing Sweet Caroline and the Cheers theme to honor the people of Boston in the wake of the Boston Marathon bombing?” And people were all, “Yeah, that was awesome, nothing will ever top that!” Then we all cyber-bro-hugged for world peace and called it a day, right?

Well, last night, the Boston Bruins were like, “That was pretty cool, baseball, but we’ve got this now” and Rene Rancourt took the ice to sing the National Anthem before the Bruins took on the Buffalo Sabres. About 15 seconds in, Rancourt signaled the crowd and he put the mic down to let the Boston faithful do the rest.

It’s moments like this that truly make sports such an important reminder that humanity exists. It may be under attack, but humanity is still alive and well within most of us.

Wednesday Wednesday Wednesday (April 3)!

The Buffalo Sabres are horrible and EVERYBODY IS AVAILABLE at the trade deadline. Once in a lifetime liquidation event… Everything MUST GO!

I’m thinking about picking up Tyler Ennis in this sale. I mean, I don’t have a hockey team or anything, but it’d be nice to have him around the house. Maybe he can clean my windows. Do you think they’re selling $20 digital cameras, too?

[h/t to Puck Daddy]

Pretty sweet baby bed.

With the future of the 2012-13 NHL season still in peril, it’s a relative certainty that teams will undoubtedly have to work harder than ever to retain fans when and if the lockout ever ends. For instance, according to my team of hard-working researchers and tireless fact checkers, the NHL lost approximately 8 billion fans after the last lockout in 2004-05, and that was in addition to the 6 trillion fans it lost in 1994-95.

But now, in news completely unrelated to those absurd figures that I just made up, at least one team is taking precautions to ensure fan retention by implanting microchips in your newborn child’s brains that will be activated when they’re old enough to cheer for blood. Or something like that.

Babies born in Buffalo are already pretty likely to be raised as Buffalo Sabres fans. The hockey team’s taking no chances, though.

Beginning in 2013, newborns at two hospitals will go home with a Buffalo Sabres baby blanket and a certificate from Sabres owner Terry Pegula.

Sabres President Ted Black says the program is a way to welcome the community’s newest additions while perhaps planting a seed of passion for the game. (Via WHEC News 10)

Not to be outdone, Buffalo Bills owner Ralph Wilson and CEO Russ Brandon will actually let your newborn child coach the team in 2013. Hell, chances are that even a baby could run CJ Spiller more than 12 times per game.

And since we haven’t had any actual hockey action to speak of, let’s revisit the most important hockey video ever made…

Read the rest of this entry »

There are a few types of stories I try not to miss — baseball players in drag, pets who have miraculously found their way home after natural disasters — but the best story of all is the one where a Philadelphia sports fan is acting like a butthole and gets hit or shocked or shot with something.

Via Puck Daddy:

During the first round of the 2011 Eastern Conference Playoffs, a Philadelphia Flyers fan taunted the Buffalo Sabres during warm-ups before a game at Wells Fargo Center, and the Sabres responded by plunking a few pucks off the glass at this pest.

Eventually, it was time for 6-foot-7 defenseman Tyler Myers to offer his rejoinder — with smashing results.

I don’t want to piss off the “no fan deserves this” or “there were kids sitting nearby who could’ve gotten hurt” crowds, but I feel it’s my obligation as a guy who has calmly loved and followed sports his entire life to find some level of schadenfreude in the unfortunate events that befall the people who won’t shut up during them. And also Flyers fans.

I guess the Sabers and Senators have some kind of intense rivalry, because even as physical as hockey is, you usually don’t see one player bite another, as Jarkko Ruutu — if that is his real name — did to Andrew Peters’s hand last night. From Sabres Edge:

Peters, one of the most gregarious Sabres, had the media in stitches by telling us it was his “texting thumb” that took the bite. “I’m cut pretty good,” he said. “I won’t be able to text message anyone. Now I actually have to talk to people which is kind of a bummer because I hate talking on the phone.”

Man, he’s got a point there. I f’n HATE talking on the phone.  And talking to people in person.  And any kind of instant messaging. And other people in general. I bet if I didn’t dislike everyone on the planet so much, Peters and I might get along.

Yeah… I wasn’t really cut out for working in an office. People get touchy about getting glared at with burning hatred. “What, why am I fired? I didn’t even tell you how much I hated you.”

The Islanders gave the Sabres 11 power plays during Buffalo’s 7-1 rout last night, and it’s pretty hard to imagine how that happened.  Having all your players punch people isn’t illegal, is it?  Or perhaps getting body-slammed to the ice is against the rules.  I think that should be worth at least half point.

Jason Pominville and Ales Kotalik [Ed. note: Hee hee! "Alice"!] led the Sabres with a goal and two assists apiece, but most of the credit should go to New York for playing like complete shit last night.  They looked worse than Long Island prom photos.

(thanks, 289)