“In the future, we should each get a beer.”
“Bitch, you don’t have a future.”

(h/t to Lobster Mobster)

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‘SNL’ Recap: Say Goodbye to Kristen Wiig, Say Hello to Mick Jagger |Warming Glow|

With Spandex Episode 3: Icarus |With Leather|

The 39 Headlines You Need to Become a Successful Video Game Blogger |Gamma Squad|

Emma Stone Is Adorable At Everything |Film Drunk|

Meme Watch: Douchebag Guitarist Is Ready To Tear Up Guitar Center With Some Stairway |UPROXX|

The Art Of Sequencing By Alicia Keys |Smoking Section|

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Sorry Ladies, Mark Zuckerberg Is Now A Married Man |UPROXX|

Reporter Kisses Will Smith, Will Smith Slaps Reporter |Smoking Section|

This Arnold Schwarzenegger Remix Is The Best Thing You’ll Listen To Today |Film Drunk|

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Every now and then a pro wrestling-related clip nobody should’ve seen pops up on the Internet and decides to go viral. Today’s clip, courtesy of our friends at Buzzfeed, is quite possibly the most masculine thing ever recorded and a living interpretation of every Chuck Norris joke you’ve heard as performed by monster trucks, electric guitar and Sgt. Slaughter. To catch you up to speed:

Following his third tour of duty in Vietnam, Sgt. Slaughter retired from service to pursue his life long dream of wrestling. After gaining the world championship belt and super stardom, the Sgt then moved onto rock star, monster truck tug of war champion and GI JOE. They just don’t make them like they used to.

Highlights of the video include the finest of 1980s girls in Bud trucker hats, the tape wearing out at the part where a lady starts jacking off an exhaust pipe, Sarge’s “battle battalion” not looking too different from the Village People and a bunch of monster truck and funny car drivers calmly lip syncing parts they should be screaming. In case you were wondering, Sgt. Slaughter did all those things in the blockquote but the guy who played him didn’t — he actually started off as a flamboyant character in the mid-70s, and if you need confirmation of military time not served, listen to Jesse “The Body” Ventura (Navy UDT veteran and former Navy SEAL) talk about it.

Regardless, the fictional version of the army guy had a pretty amazing life up until the Gulf War, when he decided to side with Iraq. Man, Sgt. Slaughter was always kind of a lying jerk, wasn’t he? Those Joe PSAs are meaningless now. I’m gonna go put my fingers in the light sockets no matter what Flint tells me. Ah well, at least you can’t take “monster truck tug of war champion” away from him.

[via Buzzfeed]