did I do that

This week, With Leather’s semi-weekly look at the best sports moments from not-sports television shows goes back to its 80s roots to chronicle the jet pack rope climbs, Bushwhacker tag team matches and Grandmama slam dunks of ABC’s TGIF founding father ‘Family Matters.’ You may remember it best as “that show Urkel was on.” Consider it a spiritual sequel to our Full House list.

If you watched the show, you’ll remember these moments. If you didn’t, you should find enough insurmountable 80s/90s cheese in Reginald VelJohnson ALONE to satiate you. So sit back, relax, and repeatedly click the “next” button for the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Family Matters.’ No sweat, my pet!

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Let’s rock.

Each week, Sports On TV looks at the 20 (or so) greatest sports-related moments from television shows that aren’t always about sports. This week we tackle the low-brow 1987-97 FOX classic ‘Married… With Children’, and honestly, it’s the closest we’ve come to saying f**k it and just writing about sports shows. MWC featured more sports moments and guest appearances than almost any other sitcom, and even featured a sports moments clip-show in the middle of its 10th season. Instead of just finding that on YouTube and posting it here, we’ve put together our own list.

The entire run of ‘Married…’ is currently streaming on Netflix, so if you read about Al Bundy punching a heavyset lady in the stomach or beating a bunch of old people at track and field and want to check it out, you can do so there. If our top 20 didn’t feature your favorite moment, be sure to drop down into the comments section and let us know what we missed.

But for now, enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments from ‘Married… With Children’. Let’s get the greatest moment in television history out of the way first …

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Sports

Billy Hunter Says Kiss the 2011-2012 NBA Season Goodbye - To paraphrase one of our commenters, as a Dallas Mavericks fan I’m happy the team gets to be champions into perpetuity. We should agree to send all of our good NBA players to China in exchange for them erasing our national debt. The math works out. [Smoking Section]

Magic Regrets His Early Retirement - I’m starting to think Magic Johnson never had HIV, and he just said he did as a public service announcement because everything in the early 90s was about HIV. He probably doesn’t know how to ride a skateboard, either. [Yardbarker]

The Animated GIF Guide to MMA Failure, Part 2 - Gifs are the new peep show machine. You drop a penny in and get to see a guy punch another guy for a few seconds, then move on to the Fortune Teller. In this analogy, “football” is the Fortune Teller. [Cage Potato]

Competitive Facial Hair Growing - Finally, a sport I’d be worse at than basketball. I guess Austin, Texas, is the world’s biggest competitive facial hair growing pick-up league. [SI via Hot Clicks]

With Leather

The Attractive Female Celebrity’s Guide To Drafting Fantasy Running Backs - I’m not knocking Burnsy’s system, but I think I’d rather draft an Alison Brie than a Mila Kunis or an Elisha Cuthbert. Besides, an Elisha Cuthbert would get killed by the Carolina Panthers. [With Leather]

The Dugout: A-Rod’s Violent Gambling Parties - For those of you complaining about a lack of closure on the Pete Rose joke, I had a big long thing where he saves his game in Armadillo and then realizes he’s low on health and has no ammo or money, so he can’t recover and has to start all over. That took up like three times the length of the Dugout just to get to a “you saved your game and have to live with the consequences” gag. I did you a favor! [The Dugout]

Bubba Smith, 1945-2011: A Video Tribute - We believe you guys, so we wont dispute you. But if you’re lying to us, we’ll come back and shoot you. Word. [With Leather]

How To Get Body Dysmorphia: Attend The Crossfit Games - Don’t forget to flip through Matt Ufford’s photo essay one more time today, so you feel like sh** about yourself all weekend. Still reminding myself about how brains are more important than muscles well into adulthood. Didn’t think I’d have to keep doing that. [With Leather]

Not Sports

10 TV Characters Who Should Die For The Good Of The Show - I wish “Scrubs” was on, so my contribution to this list could be “everyone who has ever appeared on Scrubs, both on television and in real life”. That clears out Zach Braff, fake Becky from “Roseanne” AND the plastic-faced version of Drew Carey’s ex-girlfriend. And Brendan Fraser! [Warming Glow]

The Four Most Ridiculous Sci-Fi Sexpisodes: When Aliens Force Our Heroes to Do It - “Sexpisodes”. When a character gets raped on a TV show, does it happen in a Rape-isode? I’m going to start saying all those HBO shows feature Buttf**kisodes. [Gamma Squad]

The Best of the Internet’s Lovefest with Shark Week, Obviously - I think sharks are pretty cool too, I guess, but jeez. Shark Week was pretty cool back when Kelly Clarkson was the American Idol. Yes, I am a snarky Shark Week Hipster. [UPROXX]

The Top 10 Highest Grossing Films Of Summer (So Far) - (1) The Smurfs, (2) The Snorks, (3) Goober and the Ghost Chasers (with the voice talents of Ricky Gervais and Lil Bow Wow), (4) Speed Buggy (gritty reimagining, stars Jason Statham), (5) Wacky Races (stars Ludacris, is extremely preachy, might win Best Picture), (6) Scooby-Doo Rises (Shaggy has leather and chain-mail bodysuit). [Film Drunk]

Former NFL star and delightful comedic giant, Charles “Bubba” Smith was found dead in his Los Angeles home yesterday, apparently from natural causes. Smith was 66-years old. Originally drafted by the Baltimore Colts with the first pick of the draft in 1967, Smith also played for the Oakland Raiders and Houston Oilers. However, it was with the Colts in 1971 that the All-Pro and Pro-Bowl defensive end won his only Super Bowl title.

As a child of the late 80s and early 90s, I can’t really pretend to be an expert on Smith’s collegiate and professional football careers, other than what I’ve read in other news articles and on Wikipedia. Like most people my age (somewhere between 21 and 35) I remember Smith best from one thing – Police Academy. As Moses Hightower, Smith was one of the hilarious characters alongside Steve Guttenberg’s Carey Mahoney, making a mockery of big city police and providing cheap jokes in a franchise that unfortunately began beating a dead horse when Guttenberg was replaced by Matt McCoy for Assignment: Miami Beach. But I digress.

Thanks to the merriment and convenience of YouTube, new generations have also been able to appreciate Smith’s first foray into acting, in a series of hilarious Miller Lite commercials that featured other big sports names like John Madden and Billy Martin, as well as comedic legend Rodney Dangerfield. But if you ask me, Smith’s acting career wasn’t defined by Hightower, as much as it was created by the character. His true defining moment came on my favorite TV show of all-time, and you can see that clip, and a few others after the jump.

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