Important information: Whilst parachuting, should you pass out from terror or shock or whatever, your parachute instructor buddy will ask, “Are you alright bro?” Should he think you are not Alright Bro, he will kinda paw at your face and put his fingers in your mouth until you wake up. This has been a public service announcement from THE LEAST HELPFUL/SANITARY PARACHUTING SERVICE EVER. (via Bob’s)

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Links

Watch Justin Timberlake’s Grammy Performance, Including New Song ‘Pusher Love Girl’ |UPROXX|

Drunk Mark Wahlberg Flirted With Sarah Silverman, Challenged Michael Fassbender To A ‘Big D*ck Contest’ On ‘Graham Norton Show’ |Warming Glow|

Venom Might Be In ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2′ |Film Drunk|

Kate Upton Looks Nice On The New Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover |With Leather|

Heroes Get Moody In The Superhero Noir Posters Of Marko Manev |Gamma Squad|

When The 2009 Grammys Turned Into A Rap Concert With T.I. And Friends |Smoking Section|

Obviously Colin Kaepernick Lost The Super Bowl Because He Didn’t Have Enough Tattoos |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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"What? No, Not f*ckin' that Brian Dennehy!"

For the first time in 11 years, my Brian Dennehy Google News alert finally paid off as I saw that he’d started a new job as the chief marketing officer for Nordstrom, and that at least sounded a little better than making cameos on random TNT dramas. It turns out, though, that Nordstrom’s Brian Dennehy isn’t the same one who played Tom Callahan, Sr. Instead, the Dennehy in question is a 40-something bro who just so happens to be locked in a 23-year old – he wishes I’d stop right here – game of tag with three of his old prep school buddies.

According to the Wall Street Journal, Dennehy and his friends gathered for a reunion in 1990, when they signed a “Tag Participation Agreement” that laid the groundwork for an annual game that lasts the entire month of February. While that sounds pretty simple, the friends are spread out across the country, which makes their scheming all the more impressive.

If only Kate Upton would agree to sign my “Seven Decades in Heaven” contract. Dare to dream.

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Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Kate Upton.

It is not an easy task to put together a list, such as the Greatest Sports Moments of 2012, specifically because so many things happen in any given year that it’s all but impossible to universally gauge which one event or person is greater than another. But since we’re just a couple dudes who like to make fun of stuff and almost always ignore actual sports news, it’s really quite easy.

With that said, here’s a quick breakdown of how our team of fact checkers and sports analyst number crunchers determine which people, places and things were the most important and influential in 2012…

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Over on Reddit, or the front page of the Internet as those kids have taken to calling it, the volume of sports content has been increasing lately, which is great because what we all need is more forums through which to debate sports. But it also means that fans of specific teams now have a chance to connect on arguably the most popular site on the web, and that’s cool, because it beats going to sporting events and actually interacting with real people. That’s not sarcasm, by the way.

Reddit user “pdxbass” decided to find out just how much clout a specific sports league’s fans have on the site, and hold on to your pants, because Los Angeles Lakers fans run the NBA world. Sorry, I tried to make it as suspenseful as I could, but it’s like asking people to predict what teenage boys liked more between a piece of celery and Kate Upton’s breasts.

Fortunately, we don’t need to talk just about the Lakers, because pdxbass made a large graph that shows us just how popular each team is, and it provides a pretty interesting breakdown.

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I’m trying to be a lot better about reserving judgment these days until I fully understand the subject matter at hand, so with that in mind, I offer the most confusing topic that I’ve written about this year – Con Bro Chill. Known to lacrosse fans as Denver Outlaws midfielder Connor Martin, this flamboyant lacrosse icon is apparently the antithesis of the unintentionally hilarious lacrosse PSA that Vince posted on FilmDrunk two weeks ago, as he and his colorful cohorts have taken to YouTube and concert stages to spread their YOLO power party lifestyle to the lacrosse masses.

The aforementioned video, of course, featured a group of adult lacrosse players, including the guys from Adrenaline LAX and Happy Madison actor Peter Dante, telling kids at lacrosse camps about the importance of not adopting the lacrosse bro mentality. As a recovering bro, I was dumbfounded, because Dante is the epitome of a bro, so that had to mean that a lacrosse bro is something so much more outrageous and offensive. All I could think of was an Entourage DVD smoking weed with an LMFAO album while Vin Diesel plays the air guitar. And you know what? Con Bro Chill really isn’t that far off.

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Nick Symmonds: Bro.

I have a ton of respect for America’s Olympic athletes, from the young ladies of the Fierce 5 to the members of the Men’s Basketball Team (yes, even LeBron James) and even for a stuttering human meatloaf like Ryan Lochte. But it’s time for Lochte to step his game up, because there’s a new, bolder bro in town and his name is Nick Symmonds.

While Lochte’s been off filming stints on 90210 and frolicking with Prince Harry’s ginger B-hole in Las Vegas pools, Symmonds has kept his training going strong beyond the Olympics. Not content with his 5th place finish (a personal best) in the 800m race at the 2012 Summer Games, Symmonds has taken his competitive nature to new heights, as he recently competed for the world record in the legendary Beer Mile.

The point of the beer mile is to chug one beer before running each lap on a ¼ mile track, which sounds awesome because I’m really good at that chugging beer part. Unfortunately, I suck at the running part. Symmonds, on the other hand is awesome at both, and he trained for his recent record attempt in the worst possible fashion.

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