As I mentioned last week, the Air Sex National Championships went down in Austin, TX, on Friday night. If you’ve never seen Air Sex, it’s a (for lack of a better term) head-to-head competition where performers execute no-holds-barred imaginary f**k-sessions on stage for the enjoyment of an audience of folks trying not to throw up. Brooklyn Decker was there in the crowd, apparently. I was on stage as a judge, because (1) I’ve been lucky enough to judge a few of these during its most recent touring schedule, and (2) I am not even ABOUT to pretend-hump something in front of Brooklyn Decker.

I put together a gallery of the show’s best and most iconic images (with the help of my good buddy Lex Lybrand of Wear The Cheese), and here’s a quick guide to what you’ll see as you flip through it:

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This is Andy Roddick’s on-court interview after his final career match, and it’s moving, except for the part where he’s sad about anything ever. His speech should’ve been, “okay, tennis is over, BYEEEE” and him running off the court with his shorts around his ankles. (via OnTheGoTennis)

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Links

Treat Yo Self To This Hilarious, Bawdy ‘Parks And Recreation’ Season 4 Gag Reel While It Lasts |UPROXX|

The 10 Toughest ‘Annie Vs. Britta’ Dilemmas On TV |Warming Glow|

Buffalo TV station apologizes for using Seal picture to report Michael Clarke Duncan’s death |Film Drunk|

Stand-Up Throwback: George Carlin Handled This Lance Armstrong Mess Years Ago |With Leather|

Forbes Issues Their Weekly Rich Rapper Report |Smoking Section|

>Cowboys-Giants Season Opener Live Blog |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Check Out These Jagaloons: Step Brothers Art Show At Gallery 1988 |UPROXX|

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Now that the NFL and NCAA football are back in action (BACKTION!) we understand that sports can get a little confusing, so we’re bringing back this old running feature in which we help you decide what to watch each night. This way, you won’t miss anything important, whether it be an incredibly tight and exciting American League East race or an incredibly tight and exciting Oregon Ducks cheerleader.

Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants – 8:30 PM ET on NBC

The NFL comes to us one night earlier than usual – thanks, Obama – as one of the league’s fiercest rivalries takes the main stage. Can Eli Manning and the defending Super Bowl Champion Giants keep momentum in their favor with a win over Tony Romo and the Cowboys’ banged up receivers? Probably. But you can discuss the game in style with our cooler cousin Christmas Ape over at the KSK Live Blog, which is undergoing a sexy makeover this season.

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Between the arrest of former University of Nebraska womens basketball player Charlie Rogers and the sexual misconduct accusations at the Paralympics, I think we could all use some happy news right now. Plus, I have my first fantasy football draft tonight so my attention is beginning its descent into Don’t Give A Crapsville’s private airport. Fortunately, in my morning web browsing, I came across the perfect site for all of us.

“F*ck Yeah Celebs Holding Koalas” doesn’t need much of a background, as it’s basically a Tumblr site dedicated to famous people holding my favorite animal (aside from my dog, natch) – the koala bear. Mostly, the site features members of bands that teenage girls love, but I checked and Simple Plan unfortunately never recorded a rad pop punk song about hanging with a koala before missing you, girl.

In between Family Force 5 and the dude from Tokio Hotel who has probably confused a ton of teenage boys, though, are some of our favorite pro wrestlers, a tennis star, and women we enjoy looking at. But mostly, koalas.

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While gathering material for last week’s Best Of Kate Upton On DeviantArt gallery, I noticed a lot of mislabeled pictures of Kate as “Brooklyn Decker”, because people seriously cannot tell them apart. I investigated further and discovered that an Adam Sandler movie and a role as BATTLESHIP LADY in Battleship earn you just as many fans and weird onlookers as a GQ popsicle cover.

So in the spirit of “what, why does this exist”, here’s part two in our series exploring the best portraits and worst Jungle Book-related bondage photoshoppery of DeviantArt.com. If you missed last week’s piece, DeviantArt is a place where people get together to tell each other that the pictures they cobbled together of naked manga characters kickboxing in the jungle are “so creative”.

What you’ll find inside: A few good drawings, a few bad ones, Brooklyn Decker as a giantess (and a clown) and a thing where someone made it look like Brooklyn was giving herself a wedgie. Tread lightly, folks.

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What, no patriotic bikini? Prude.

As I woke from my required 2 hours of social vampire sleep this morning, there was a strange thing on my television – live tennis. “At 7 a.m.?” I thought as I held a mirror under the hooker’s nose to make sure she was still breathing. Then I realized that in all my anticipation for the NBA Draft, I forgot that Wimbledon is going on. And wouldn’t you know it? There’s been some excitement already.

For starters, tennis dreamboat Rafael Nadal was upset by the 100th-ranked player in the world, Lukas Rosol, yesterday in 5 sets. Responded women everywhere, “Oh well, let’s go see Magic Mike.*” But the even bigger surprise, as I checked images this morning, is that Sports Illustrated swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker is still there. That’s strange, considering her husband, Andy Roddick has usually lost by now.

But sure enough, Roddick has won his first two matches and he will play 7th-ranked David Ferrer next. A win would bring him one step closer to ending America’s 9-year drought of men’s tennis major titles, which would be amazing. It would also keep Decker around for a few more days. What do you think about that, Brooklyn?

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