Want to watch Mike Tyson emerge from a pack of cheerleaders and do boxing-themed dance moves in a James Bond tuxedo with Doogie Howser? Of course you do.

I can’t say I’m an avid watcher of the Tony Awards. My cousin Brad won a Tony back in 2010 for being in the cast of ‘Memphis’ and I appreciate anything Trey Parker’s doing, but aside from that the show sorta slips through my radar. That said, the Tony Awards can enjoy a forced thrust into sports blog relevancy by including a reference to Mike Tyson’s one-man show (and Mike Tyson) during Neil Patrick Harris’s big opening number. Here’s what you need to know: Mike Tyson is not great with choreography, but he’s trying, bless his heart.

I’ve included the song below with a helpful jump edit to Tyson’s cameo, but feel free to rewind and watch the entire thing if that’s your bag. It’s got everything you’d want from a blockbuster show opening number … magic tricks, circus acts, child actor dane routines and catty bagging on the film version of Les Miserables. FUN FOR EVERYONE.

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I’ve prepared separate intro blurbs, depending on who you are. Find the one that is most appropriate for you!

I Don’t Watch Glee: I know, I know. Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV, featuring the first show I’ve ever watched specifically for the benefit of the column, FOX’s ‘Glee’. If you’ve never seen it, it’s a show your niece probably watched two or three years ago about a glee club at a Lima, Ohio, high school who interpret their feelings via reality-warping musical numbers. If you’ve never seen it and know what it is, yeah, it’s not great. However, if you’re a regular reader of the column, you’ll hopefully have a little faith in my writing/ability to write aggressively about stuff that sucks, so take a look through this one anyway. You’ll find a lot of funny jokes, a few pictures of hot girls and at least one video of zombie football players. That’s something, right?

I Watch Glee, And I Love It: Welcome to this week’s Sports On TV column, wherein I rag on that show you like because it’s not aimed at my intelligence level or demographic. Please read through the moments I’ve selected, tear apart any inaccuracies in my analysis, and show it to all of your friends so they can do the same. Make it really virally popular so nobody who likes ‘Glee’ will ever come here again!

I Watch Glee (Or Have Watched Glee) And Do Not Like It: You’re probably going to love this.

So please click through and enjoy the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Glee’. *unnecessary bell ringing sound*

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In a story that I’ve paid little attention to because it makes me dismissively wank with poor mechanics, New York Jets backup QB Tim Tebow and his handlers are suing two Jets fans for making a Jesus-themed Jets t-shirt. The shirt makes no reference to Tebow other than a mutual appreciation of the son of God – although on the site they admit that they were obviously inspired by Tebow’s faith – but that’s not stopping the guy who just changed his dog’s name from making it perfectly clear that Jesus is his thing in the Big Apple, gosh dang it.

The reason I mention that is because it’s apparent that Tebow and is brand managers are going out of their way to protect his “I’m a good widdle boy” reputation now that he’s living in Satan’s den, so it shouldn’t shock us that Tebow and/or his people forced Broadway actress Neka Zang – of Rock of Ages, but I assume you already know that – to delete a picture (above) from her Twitter, one that Tebow took with Zang (above left, I think) and her castmates after he attended a show.

Zang Tweeted that she was asked by unnamed people to remove the picture and then she deleted that Tweet as well, but here was her exact response: “Well, Due to Tebow’s ‘image’ I was asked to remove the pic of him with us half dressed ladies. He does know we arn’t real strippers right?”

This is twice now that Tebow has thrown a hissy fit with posing for photos with celebrity females. During Super Bowl week in Indianapolis, if you recall, he also refused to take a picture with Kate Upton and Chrissy Teigen because they are wretched whorebeasts of the Apocalypse. No, wait, they wear bathing suits. Sorry, I always get those mixed up.

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My prediction: pain.

Tony winner Thomas Meehan went through his DVD collection the other day, looking for a new musical. “Annie? No. Young Frankenstein? Maybe. Wait, no, we already did that. The Producers? SH*T.” Then, he got to Rocky. Rocky is about a brain damaged debt collector who falls in love and finds out he’s great at championship boxing because a combination of ignorance and pride keep him from falling down. So of course that sounds like the perfect musical!

“It was made to be a musical,” Meehan said. It’s got all the elements.”

“Sylvester Stallone won’t be in it, but he’s given us his blessing,” Meehan said. “He and I sat and worked it out together. It’s really, on some level, autobiographical. He was an actor nobody cared about. The whole thing is an analogy of his own life.”

You know what I always thought would make “Gonna Fly Now” more inspirational? A crowd of people fake smiling and making jazz hands at the celing. I saw Mary Poppins at the Kennedy Center and I thought that was a pretty great adaptation, so I’m guessing punching frozen meats and giving robot sidekicks to your girlfriend’s wacky brother to show how rich you’ve gotten will make equally great topics for songs. The musical will be based on the first Rocky (known as “Rocky 1″), and sadly not Rocky III, which has all the semi-nude beach running and dialogue about “colored fighters” we’ve come to expect from Broadway.

Hopefully this song will be included in the production:

[h/t OTB]