It’s hard to say that living the dream is dead when women like Donna Condliffe are out there dreaming big. Condliffe, according to the Daily Mail, recently quit her job with a fancy financial institution to start her own business. That business? Designing high-end clothing for dogs to help our favorite pets celebrate the 2012 Summer Olympics.

‘The inspiration for the Olympic dog clothes came as there is a real buzz starting as we count down to the London 2012 games and I felt what better way to involve our pets, in what will be a fantastic spectacle for the whole of Great Britain.

‘It will be great to see the whole country wearing red, white and blue and really getting behind the athletes, and how good that we can include our pets, who are, after all, a big part of our family!’

‘I wanted to start a business on a subject I am passionate about, I am animal mad and have 2 rescue dogs myself so it was an easy decision.

Man, where was this lady when the Ukraine was dealing with all those stray dogs and pee-soaked mattresses before the Euro 2012 tournament? She could have dressed all the strays up like adorable Russian priests while someone built the Saint Sophia Cathedral out of mattresses. Man, that would’ve been adorable.

Unfortunately for us Yanks, Condliffe is only offering Union Jack pooch clothes for British dogs to celebrate their favorite athletes. So I strongly suggest that American Olympics fans create their own costumes to help their dogs celebrate their favorite American athletes. For instance, I already put a wifebeater on my pitbull and smeared motor oil and mayonnaise on it, because hooray for Abby Wambach!

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I’m not married, but for the longest time my wedding bucket list has included:

1. Get married in a castle.
2. Get fired from my job on the day of my wedding.
3. At some point during the reception, the bride gets punched in the face.
4. Police are called more than once.
5. Lobster dinners are thrown.

In what might be the most hilariously European story ever reported, ex-Newcastle United player Danny Guthrie has lived my dream wedding. During his wedding to girlfriend Rebecca at Allerton Castle, an estate near Harrogate, Yorks, violence erupted, a guy tried to break down the door to get in and everything on that list happened. The lobster hurling is is like, 80-20 true. His Twitter says the story is “gossip gossip gossip”, but I’m moving forward believing he got married, had a bad day and watched his life turn into the last minute of any Three Stooges film.

Via the Telegraph, with a lobster-tip to Dirty Tackle:

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Perry Watkins is an English inventor who also has an appreciation for speed and innovative automobile design. He currently holds world records for the lowest car ever driven and for the smallest working car ever made. For that distinction he attached a 150 cc engine to a child’s toy van and drove it (video after the jump). But both of his previous feats paled in comparison to his one true desire – driving furniture at high speeds.

Watkins spent the past year building a dining room table car so he could break the Guinness World Record for fastest furniture, previously established by a guy who drove a couch in 2007. Watkins accomplished his goal over the weekend, reaching a top speed of 130 mph with his table, dubbed “Fast Food” *slide whistle*, during two laps on a race track.

Finish your vegetables before you excuse yourself, Telegraph:

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Matthew Partridge is a man with a dream – he wants to walk from one side of Britain to the other. This brave soul is doing it just because he wants to, with no social commentary or political agenda. Nope, Matthew simply wants to prove to himself that he can make the 1,200-mile journey on his own, and nobody will stand in his way. Except maybe a bad Internet connection.

Partridge’s walk from Land’s End to John O’Groats will take place entirely on Google Street View, because he’s far too busy to bother with things like training to walk. Instead he is training to sit at his computer for 10 hours per day and pretend to walk thanks to Google’s virtual mapping. And even though there are millions of people throughout the world whose jobs require them to sit in front of computers for 8 to 10 hours per day, Partridge is still treating this as it’s some sort of serious grueling physical task. Big whoop, I’ve made it through 2,000 pages of PornHub in less than three days.

Write this story with your poking stick, The Sun:

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My exposure to British culture begins and ends with Wallace and Gromit, so I'm aware of the British obsession with cheese and putting on the wrong trousers. The Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling and Wake feeds into that. Each year, a wheel of Double Gloucester cheese is rolled down a steep hill, and competitors race after it. The first person over the finish line at the bottom of the hill wins the cheese. This year, the event was curdled (it's the cheese that goes…pun!) by 19 people who somehow got hurt hurdling down a steep hill uncontrollably.

As the rain poured down it became impossible for racers to stay on their feet and contestants became caked in mud as they flipped, somersaulted and tumbled their way down the hill.

Christopher Anderson, 19, who won the first race, was carried away from the hill on a spinal board after hurting his back as he finished head over heels.

isn't the phrase "arse over tit"? Don't shed your droll anglicisms now, Brits. And no need to worry much for these doughty blighters. All cheese enthusiasts know a thick coating of mud spruces up any cheese, and certainly improves the smell.

[Fanhouse]