“Because he’s not a total dickhole” is the correct answer.

But yeah, here’s Bret Favre dropping a 40-on-60 tip because he’s a nice guy, and because he’s got a money bin filled with Wrangler’s Real Comfortable Jeans or whatever. Danny Ferry once left me 5 bucks on 15, which … really isn’t the same thing, is it? (via @coreyharrison)

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Links

UPROXX Video: This Pasta Salad Will Change Your Life (And Possibly Make You A Lesbian) |UPROXX|

5 Quick Revelations About The Last 8 Episodes Of ‘Breaking Bad’ |Warming Glow|

Pictures: Steven Seagal in a fancy scarf training a posse of armed vigilantes |Film Drunk|

Lil Wayne Brought A Gun To A Miami Heat Game And Doesn’t Understand Why That Might Be Weird |With Leather|

Young, Inexperienced Lara Croft Goes On A Killing Spree In This Eleven-Minute ‘Tomb Raider’ Video |Gamma Squad|

Your 2013 NBA All-Star Weekend Cheat Sheet |Smoking Section|

Mike Florio Needs Attention – Calls For RGIII To Demand The Redskins Change Their Name |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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The people behind the website CharityBuzz operate under the philosophy “Do Good, Live Well” and with that one belief, they have helped raise more than $60 million by auctioning off special event packages that involve some of the biggest names in entertainment and sports. In fact, here are a few of my favorite auctions that I found after checking out the site:

• Meet Michael Douglas and Morgan Freeman and compete in Michael Douglas Celebrity Golf Tournament in Atlantis (and then marry a girl 30 years younger than you)
• Receive golf lessons from Butch Harmon (leave me alone, I love golf)
• Visit the Fox NFL set and meet the crew (how about I pay to not do that?)
• Spend 5 nights in a luxury hotel before attending the 2012 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, and have lunch with an Angel (!!!!!!!!)
• Spend a day in Los Angeles with Tesla founder Elon Musk (at first I thought that was the band Tesla and I was ready to take out a loan)

And perhaps the most intriguing CharityBuzz sports auction currently under way involves bidding on the opportunity for your kid to play catch with Brett Favre. Currently at $4,250, this package – pun really f*cking intended – is valued at $10,000. For your dollar, Favre will come to your kid’s school or practice field and teach him (or her, liberals) how to pass for 70,000 yards, 500 touchdowns and 8 billion interceptions, as long as you live in or near Sumrall, Mississippi.

It sucks that you either have to live in or be willing to travel to Sumrall, because I’d be interested in winning this auction just to pay a line of local kids to drill Favre in the nuts with footballs.

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For once, a YouTube comment cuts to the heart of a story.

Next Media Animation makes a good point here — that the NFL glosses over their scandals by depicting them as isolated incidents, and is basically a violence glorification machine — but the way they make it is classic Taiwanese batsh*t insanity, beginning with a “high horse” in the ESPN studios literally zero seconds in and culminating in the nearly-nude gladiator Saints murdering the New York Giants with swords.

The video’s highlight (besides the eerily accurate animated version of Gregg Williams) has to be the Dewey Cox-style splitting of Brett Favre in twain. If you’ve ever wanted to see a player celebrate over the lifeless corpse of Favre, this is your chance. This is also your chance if you’ve wanted to see someone clean up Favre’s body parts with a rag on a stick and a wheelbarrow. Wait, what the f**k is happening?

His appearance on ‘The Dan Patrick Show’ might not have reached deeply into the complex heart of the Gregg Williams/New Orleans Saints bounty controversy, but one thing was made perfectly clear: if you go to the police with this, Charles Barkley is willing to murder you with a nail gun he bought at the Hardware Barn and drag your dead ass into a vacant building.

“You have to be a punk to snitch that out,” Barkley said. “That’s like giving a reporter an anonymous quote. That makes you a punk, if you do anonymous, but also, you don’t bring that out x amount of years later. I mean you don’t compete in it if you don’t want to be in it. But I’ve seen at least three or four well-known NFL players say all teams have bounties. So I’m glad they came to Gregg Williams’ defense. Because I’m pretty sure all teams have that.”

(via Pro Football Talk)

A few things shouldn’t be surprising here:

1. “Every team encourages and rewards you for injuring opposing players” is the NFL equivalent to baseball’s “everybody’s on steroids” … it’s unfortunate, shocking at first and completely true. These are sports, but they’re also businesses, and people do objectively sh*tty things to make sure their business thrives. Way of the world.

2. Every person who has ever done a job well and stopped doing it thinks they were one of the f**king Boondock Saints when they were in their prime. Has Charles Barkley personally injured someone to keep them from doing something he didn’t like in a grown-up version of a kids game? Of course he has.

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Almost a year ago to the day, we wrote about how old/gunslinging quarterback Brett Favre’s sister Brandi had been one of five people arrested in a Mississippi meth lab. You’d think “arrested in a Mississippi meth lab” would be the end of a person’s crime story, but Brandi, who looks a lot like the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth if you photoshop in some hands behind her eyes, is facing a new lawsuit alleging she destroyed her neighbor’s house with toxic drug fumes.

From TMZ’s hilariously Brave And The Bold sounding “She DESTROYED our home … with meth!”:

According to the lawsuit, the couple claims a meth screening company detected “widespread meth contamination” in their home after Brandi’s January 2011 arrest — and recommended the entire place be cleaned.

As a result, the couple claims they had to find a new home for 5 months while their house was restored to a livable condition — not only inconvenient … but massively expensive.

I’m hoping “widespread meth contamination” means she tried to dissolve someone’s dead body in an upstairs tub but used it wrong chemicals so it seeped through the floor. So far there’s been no comment from Brandi, but I imagine that when we get one it’ll involve a lot of screaming and running around in her underwear.

Now I’m going to spend an hour going through TMZ’s Brett Favre tags to see if they announced one of his retirements with the headline “Quarterback … NO MORE!”

Man, time sure does fly. It seems like just yesterday I was praising Drew Brees. Actually, it was just yesterday, but I was referring to when I named Brees and the New Orleans Saints winning Super Bowl XLIV the top Sports Moment of 2010. And you know what? That was a boring, predictable pick and it left nothing to the imagination of you, our beloved readers. You deserve more than just the run-of-the-mill year end list, because With Leatherites are smarter than the average sports blog reader, and I know that because I was called an idiot by you guys plenty this year.

You also have a better sense of humor than the average sports blog reader, so when I was entering the qualifications for this year’s Best Sports Moments into my sophisticated super computer (read: old yellow notepad) I wanted to kick the sentimental crap to the curb and really focus on what makes us all tick – namely, poop jokes and hot models. But mostly fun sports moments. As always, I don’t expect everyone to agree, and I’m sure that I left out a few moments here and there (sorry hockey). So feel free to school us on your biggest moments of the year, and let’s all hope that 2012 is a little more sex scandal free…

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