Possum. Big, freaky, lookin’ bitch. Since when did they change it to opossum? When I was comin’ up it was just possum. Opossum makes it sound like he’s irish or something. Why do they gotta go changing everything?
In all seriousness, the fact that Ratatouille is snowboarding isn’t as awesome as the fact that he’s an opossum in a sweater and an ID lanyard. The “Mah Nà Mah Nà” remix is a nice touch. Maybe he’s not a real opossum at all, and Jim Henson is under him somewhere pulling the strings.
The 10 Things We Learned From The 2012 NBA All-Star Game - 1 Thing We Learned From The Slam Dunk Contest: the only dunk that exists is “jumping over things”. [Smoking Section]
Liverpool Fan Pokes Himself In The Eye, Continues Cheering - Been there, done that. I’ve also cheered through accidentally getting punched in the balls, but that might just’ve been Cleveland. [High Definite]
Vick Ballard Runs, He Slides … - Now we need footage of Andrew Luck playing ‘Rattle Me Bones’. Alternate joke: RG3 is great at ‘Shark Attack’. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
20 Hilarious/Useful “Walking Dead” GIFs - I was hoping this’d be nothing but gifs of people talking. pGamma Squad]
The Best Of Danny DeVito’s #Frank Reynolds - I’ll never say “trash” the same way again. [UPROXX]
Photos from the ‘The Adventures of Pete and Pete’ Reunion - Toby Huss is one of the 10 people in the world I’d most like to meet. Also, holy sh*t this is basically the greatest thing. [Warming Glow]
Must Watch: Jean Dujardin’s French surfer rap - Forget Jean Dujardin, let’s find video of everything Bérénice Bejo has ever done. And Uggie, minus all the Frasier. [Film Drunk]
So This Happened: Bryan Cranston Wore Breaking Bad Chuck Taylors To An Awards Show -Stay off of my turf in those shoes.. [UPROXX]
With any luck, Jim Rash’s Oscar win will be great news for Community - And with any luck, Alison Brie will take over for Amanda Seyfried and win an Oscar for being constantly nude as Linda Lovelace. Perfect world, blah blah. [FARK]
10 Awesome Animals Walking On Two Legs - So what? I walk on two legs all the time. [The FW]
The Best Interview About a Sex Shop Fire You’ll Ever See - I just picture Pee-wee Herman running out of the store with a bunch of dildos in his hands and collapsing. [Brobible]
Eight Disturbing Music Videos You May Have Missed - I’m pretty unhappy to live in a world where people haven’t seen Aphex Twin videos. That’s sorta my WHATTA YA MEAN YA NEVER HEARD’A MAYPO moment. [Unreality]
UPROXX ‘Archer’ Open Thread: ‘Bloody Ferlin’ With Associate Art Director Chad Hurd - When I’m done catching up with ‘Breaking Bad’, I swear I’m spending a week watching nothing but Archer on Netflix Instant. [UPROXX]
Open Thread — Who Is the Better Character: Walter White or Raylan Givens? - And then, uh, I’m gonna start watching ‘Justified’. Man, I’m terrible at watching television while it’s actually on. [Warming Glow]
2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket: Round 3 - I liked The Artist, but I’m hoping Midnight In Paris can pull off an upset here. It’s a Woody Allen movie MY MOM enjoyed! [Film Drunk]
Unlaced: adidas Designer Robbie Fuller Talks The adiZero Rose 2.5 - My shoes are also unlaced, and I’m going to talk about argyle Vans. Yes, because of David Otunga, shut up. [Smoking Section]
What If Male Superheroes’ Costumes Were Designed Like Female Superheroes’ Costumes? - They couldn’t be! Where would poor Rob Liefeld draw his pockets? [Gamma Squad]
Steve Carell In Now On Twitter - I can’t wait to see him and Ricky Gervais make awkward jokes about each other all the time. #notgoodafterseason2 [Buzzfeed]
David Wain’s Reddit AMA: 15 Best Answers From ‘Wanderlust’ Director’s Q&A (PICTURES) - If my girlfriend ever ends up contributing to UPROXX, it’ll be nothing but interviews with Stella. [HuffPost Comedy]
What To Expect When You’re Expecting An Apocalypse - Hopefully there’s some sort of movie or comedy or book or comic that could help me out here! At this point I think it might be better to assume everything’ll be all right. [Adult Swim]
The first extended look at Pixar’s “Brave”. June cannot get here soon enough - I don’t care how good it ends up being, I’m calling it How To Train Your Daughter In 3-D until at least June. [FARK]
New Dad Jay-Z Is Deeply Disappointed In RihRih For Reuniting With Breezy - I think our first goal should be to stop calling the deluded, violent sociopath “breezy”. [Bossip]
Does ‘World of Warcraft’ Make Elderly People Smarter? - I don’t know, but I’m interested in seeing how smart ‘Excitebike’ makes them, especially after I’ve beaten their asses at Excitebike. [The FW]
Whip Out Your Wands, J.K. Rowling To Write Something For The “Adult” Crowd - If she writes something more complex than “Harry said, then Ron Said, then Harry Said”, hell, I’ll buy it. [Pajiba]
FilmDrunk’s 2012 Oscars Best Picture Bracket - I’m not quite as acerbic about movies as Vince, and I love at least 6 of the Best Picture nominees this year. Not a fan of The Help, War Horse or Pay 9/11 Forward. [Film Drunk]
The Dying Art Of Rap Battles & Beefs - Well hey, at least now we’ve got a Twitter feud between a remorseless violent dancing man-child and a pro wrestler security guards wouldn’t let into the arena because they thought he was a fan! [Smoking Section]
‘Community’ Hiatus Might Have Actually Improved Its Chances at Renewal - I want so badly for these characters to graduate. Shows with a logical end need to reach their logical end! [Warming Glow]
Our 30 Favorite Pictures From This Year’s Mardi Gras Chewbacchanal - “Here’s a thing we do where we get drunk and girls shows us their boobs. How could we make it better?” “STAR WARS.” [Gamma Squad]
In Case You Ever Wanted To See Robert Downey Jr. As A Pinup Girl - I haven’t, but uh, thanks for sharing. [UPROXX]
Man Repeatedly Pepper-Sprayed At Disneyland During Fight - Where were these guys when Ursula was trying to destroy Prince Eric’s boat? Or when Gaston was in the woods trying to stab folks? [Buzzfeed]
Rick Santorum’s Gmail Inbox Reveals The Truth About GOP Candidate (PICTURE) - The guy’s last name is “Santorum” for Christ’s sakes, don’t vote for him. Who’s his VP gonna be, Charles Mung? [HuffPost Comedy]
Off The Air: 11 Things Adult Swim Left Online - I wish somebody would accidentally leave ‘Look Around You’ season 2 on a U.S. DVD. [Adult Swim]
How They Made The Greatest Simpsons Episode Of All-Time, “Homer At The Bat” - “Last Exit To Springfield” is the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, thank you very much. [FARK]
Bossip Exclusive: Ray J Planning To Sue Radio Station Over Spoof Fake Interview Discussing Whitney And Bobby - Any time Ray J talks, the other person should respond with OH RAY J, OH RAY J, OH BAYBEE~ until he shuts up. [Bossip]
How Do You Improve Mardi Gras? Add Will Ferrell - I like that Will Ferrell is just wandering around hanging out at stuff he likes. Beer commercials, Spanish language movies, Minor League Baseball, Mardi Gras. [The FW]
Almost a year ago to the day, we wrote about how old/gunslinging quarterback Brett Favre’s sister Brandi had been one of five people arrested in a Mississippi meth lab. You’d think “arrested in a Mississippi meth lab” would be the end of a person’s crime story, but Brandi, who looks a lot like the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth if you photoshop in some hands behind her eyes, is facing a new lawsuit alleging she destroyed her neighbor’s house with toxic drug fumes.
According to the lawsuit, the couple claims a meth screening company detected “widespread meth contamination” in their home after Brandi’s January 2011 arrest — and recommended the entire place be cleaned.
As a result, the couple claims they had to find a new home for 5 months while their house was restored to a livable condition — not only inconvenient … but massively expensive.
I’m hoping “widespread meth contamination” means she tried to dissolve someone’s dead body in an upstairs tub but used it wrong chemicals so it seeped through the floor. So far there’s been no comment from Brandi, but I imagine that when we get one it’ll involve a lot of screaming and running around in her underwear.
Now I’m going to spend an hour going through TMZ’s Brett Favre tags to see if they announced one of his retirements with the headline “Quarterback … NO MORE!”
I’m not sure why I’m surprised that there’s a world record for this.
The Best Of Workaholics GIFs - I always wonder if the pitch for this show was “it’s just like ‘Stella’, except about drugs and their own wieners”. [UPROXX]
Romeo and Juliet: The Porno - Nothing is accomplished here that wasn’t accomplished slightly better by Troma 15 years ago. Porno needs its own narrative, dammit, stop being derivative. Shane’s World wasn’t good because it loosely adapted Much Ado About Nothing. [Film Drunk]
Saved By The Bell Stills + Kanye Lyrics = Kanye’d By The Bell - Somebody add “Been a long time since I spoke to you in a bathroom gripping you up f**kin and choking you” to a pic of the guy from Valley trying to full nelson Christy The Girl Wrestler. [UPROXX]
Hello, Heartache: The McRib Is Coming Back - You people are never gonna learn, are you. [Smoking Section]
The Batman’s Jeff Matsuda Stops By Reddit, Makes Batman Sketches By Request - In a “comic book people are awesome”-related story, I just found out that Brian Azzarello and Jill Thompson read Best and Worst Of Raw, so I’m gonna go out and buy like 50 comic books today. [Gamma Squad]
‘Breaking Bad’s’ Blue Meth Survived the Zombie Apocalypse - After finding out that ‘The X-Files’ and ‘The Wire’ happen in the same universe, anything is possible. Not to mention ‘Family Matters’ and ‘Step By Step’. [Warming Glow]
15 Unintentionally Offensive Halloween Costumes - Just to reiterate, it’s not offensive, but if you are planning to go as “dead or zombie version of recently dead celebrity”, don’t, it is not original or funny. [Buzzfeed]
Eddie Murphy on Hosting the Oscars: ‘I’m Going to be Horrendous’ - What, did you finally get around to watching your last 40 movies? [Moviefone]
Five Awful Cover Songs Made Even Worse By Tiny Lyric Changes - I’d sincerely forgotten that Hilary Duff’s cover of “My Generation” existed. Thanks, The Smoking Jacket. Thanks a lot. [The Smoking Jacket]
The 20 Highest Grossing Prequels of All Time and the Box-Office Performance of The Worst Movie Ever - You know you’ve done something right when your movie gets listed alongside The Flintstones In Viva Rock Vegas. [Pajiba]
10 Awesome Examples of Today’s Video Games into Atari Format - I would play all of these except for maybe Pokémon, because it would make my eyes explode. Atari Zelda looks rad. [Unreality]