I’ve never fought professionally, so this video has taught me a valuable lesson — if a guy has his body wrapped around my arm and is trying to break it, I shouldn’t stand up and shake my arm around to make him stop.
By way of Cage Potato comes this clip from ‘The Ultimate Fighter: Brazil’ of Rony “Jason” Mariano Bezerra giving Team Wanderlei its first win, a first-round submission victory over Anistavio “Gasparzinho” Medeiros de Figueiredo. When they’re done ultimately fighting they should have a contest to see who can have the most names.
Anyway, sh*t gets real at the 1:40 mark, and a few moments and horrible noises later, Gasparzinho walks away with a spaghetti arm. Now Jason gets to square off with Hugo “Wolverine” Viana in the featherweight semis, and if I know anything about Wolverine I know it’s gonna take a lot more than that to break his arm. Advice: dismember him and bury the parts on different continents.
If you had asked me to name the athlete with the most followers on Twitter, I would have asked for a hint. You’d say, “He plays soccer” and I’d reply, “Ugh, soccer… okay, is it Pele or that Ronnodonno guy?” Of course I’d be wrong and you’d laugh at my ignorance to the world’s most popular sport, and I’d probably cry because I’m super sensitive.
But at least I’m not alone in knowing who the most popular athlete on Twitter is or who he is, because People magazine seems shocked and concerned that it’s Brazil’s Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, or Kaká as he is known to his 10,015,243 Twitter followers.
Brailian soccer star Kaka (a.k.a., Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite) is the world’s first athlete to reach 10 million followers on Twitter, making him only the sixteenth person to hit the high benchmark. He ranks right under Eminem (10.3 million followers) in the 10 Million Club, where Lady Gaga reigns supreme (with 23 million followers).
Actually, according to Twitaholic, he’s the 16th person and 17th entity to crack the 10 million mark, because YouTube ranks 10th on the followers list with 11.6 million. But just how popular is Kaká? He has more followers than Twitter.
Interestingly, Kaká’s closest competition is his Real Madrid teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, who has just under 900K followers. I would have guessed that Ronaldo would have more, what with his media fame and reputation as a globe-trotting poonhound, but Kaká, a self-described Christian family man, is the No. 1 guy.
As far as soccer fights go, this is obviously far from the top of the heap. Heck, it’s pretty far from the bottom of the heap, too. But the situation is still pretty amusing. Bear with us here.
Brooks Peck of the Dirty Tackle alerts us to this Brazilian soccer match between Campeonato Gaucho and Caixas. (As an aside, how awesome is it that there is a Brazilian soccer team called “Champion Cowboy?” No idea what “Caixas” translates to, but I’m just going to assume it means “Astronaut Panda.”)
The context here is that one of the Champion Cowboys, Douglas Silva, got into quite a tiff with fellow Champeen Broncbuster Walter Guglielmone. In response, Guglielmone shoved Silva right in his face. The rest of the Gaucho tried to intervene, but Guglielmone decided one push in the face wouldn’t suffice, so he gave him one more face-shove for good measure. The referee decided enough was enough, so he calmly walked Guglielmone to the edge of the pitch like a big boy, showed him the red card and sent him off.
Look, I know things are done differently in soccer, but if a guy can’t give his teammate a couple of bad-natured piesfacing once in a while then what is even the point of sports any more? That “don’t smush your teammate’s face” crud would never fly here in the States. U-S-A! U-S-A!
A rematch between Middleweight Champion Anderson Silva and challenger Chael Sonnen has been formally set and scheduled for June 23 at 50,000ish-seat Joao Havelange Stadium in Rio de Janeiro.
If you don’t remember the first fight from UFC 117 back in 2010, Sonnen “dominated”. I put dominated in quotation marks because he controlled the fight for five rounds and submitted to a triangle armbar with a minute to go, but when you write about it you have to say he DOMINATED~. Apparently Sonnen’s spent the last two years only reading the first half of sentences, because he’s responded to Silva’s suggestion that he quit talking and start training with the most hilarious amount of talking ever.
I’m not fighting you in Brazil, I’m not fighting you in Chicago, I’m not fighting you in Florida. I’m fighting you in the Octagon. And when you get in there and I get in there, I’m gonna stomp you this time the same as I did last time. You can complain about your rib. I’m sure your rib *did* hurt. Your rib is inside of a coward. That’s the problem your rib’s got. It’s got the same problem your hands and feet have — they’re attached to *you*, dummy! I’m gonna be attached to you too, for 25 minutes or until you give up.
At this point, Sonnen’s “heel” gimmick is starting to sound a little too much like a Will Ferrell character trying to be threatening. YOUR RIB HURT BECAUSE YOUR RIB IS INSIDE OF A COWARD is the kind of thing you say when you’re wearing a fake mustache and trying to make someone laugh.
So it should come as no surprise to you that the UFC Middleweight Champion would be called upon to judge a variety show competition ranking the best Brazilian booties. And they thongs? Blue, yellow, green and painted on. When that second lady turns around, it’s like Sherwin-Williams f**ked you in your eyes.
I don’t want to make any broad generalizations (no pun intended), but Anderson Silva might have the world’s best life.
R.I.P. Peyton Manning - Gone too soon. He was one of the greats! Once we’ve stopped Kony, we’ll never stop remembering you. [KSK]
Peyton Manning Is a Great Tipper - In contrast, Mark Shapiro of the Cleveland Indians once tipped me four dollars on 25. Danny Ferry tipped me 7 on 35. I guess Cleveland sports guys use the tipping chart. [The FW]
The 3 Best DJing Apps Out Now - I downloaded all three of these just so I could walk into a room and yell, “DJ BLUNTZ IS IN THE BUIL-DING!” [Smoking Section]
TV Network Power Rankings: What’s Their Greatest Season Ever? - Every time I read “Power Rankings” I read it as “Power Rangers”, so I got upset when I clicked these and didn’t see Galaxy anywhere. [Warming Glow]
Valve Is Not Making a Game Console. It’s Making Something Better - They’re making a wonderful dream where Half-Life 2: Episode 3 was released four years ago and Valve never beat us to death with delays. [Gamma Squad]
Patricia Heaton (The Mom From ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’) Makes A Staggering A$s Of Herself On Twitter - Hey G-Town Gal: When you become rich, you convince yourself that you “did it right” and everyone else is making ridiculous mistakes! Don’t have compassion or perspective, plz! [UPROXX]
The Improbable Rise And Unsurprising Fall Of LulzSec - The FBI was trying to beat down Tommy Dreamer, but the lights went out, and when they came on SABU HAD MADE HIS RETURN TO THE ECW ARENA. [UPROXX]
AVENGERS ACHTUNG! Downey chews scenery in the German Avengers trailer - My favorite member of DIE AVENGERS is DIE HULK. [Film Drunk]
Will You Be Buying Apple’s New, Improved iPad? - Yes, because I have a girlfriend with brand loyalty and nothing better to buy. [Smoking Section]
The 9 Funniest Former ‘Daily Show’ Correspondents - Never appearing on this list: Aasif Mandvi. Thanks for your weird voice and helping ruin ‘The Last Airbender’, jerk. [HuffPost Comedy]
Brazilian late-night shows are a far sight better than their American counterparts: Exhibit A - Exhibit B, they freaky with big ol’ booties and they thongs? Blue yellow and green! [FARK]
You’re the Vulgarian, You F*ck: Our Favorite Verbal Film Fights | The 2011 Fun Oscars - Robert Guillaume vs. Morgan Freeman in Lean On Me is still my favorite. I don’t have time for Mrs. Elliott’s problem! [Pajiba]