The UFC, in its ever-ambitious quest to keep doing what works, returns to Brazil for UFC on FX 8, which will showcase native son Vitor Belfort in what could be a very exciting and important match against Luke Rockhold. Belfort’s last two title shots have been less than impressive, as Anderson Silva knocked him out in the first round at UFC 126 and Jon Jones got him to tap in the fourth round at UFC 152. Despite those losses, Belfort remains one of the top contenders in the Middleweight division, and with yet another win in front of his fellow countrymen, he could soon find himself squaring off against Silva once again.

But Belfort will have to get through Rockhold first (and then wait for Chris Weidman’s shot, natch) and that might not be very easy. Rockhold is one of the former Strikeforce fighters that a lot of people have been waiting to see in the UFC, as he was the reigning Middleweight champion when the promotion folded. Rockhold won the title in 2011 and successfully defended it twice, but a shoulder injury would have stopped a third defense from happening last November, if the event hadn’t ultimately been canceled.

So for those of us who appreciate the new blood and want to see Silva face a wider variety of talent like Georges St-Pierre in the Welterweight division, this main event could end up being very special if Rockhold wins. Otherwise, we can look forward to Silva-Belfort II down the road.

As always, join us tomorrow night at 9 PM ET for UFC on FX 8, as we will have one of our award-winning live discussions (our last chat was named Best in Show at Westminster). Check out the entire fight card after the jump, and bring your best LOLs and OHSNAPs for tomorrow night’s free fights.

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FINALLY, the official instrument of the 2014 World Cup in Brazil has been announced, and I can finally stop worrying about how I was gonna watch soccer without incessantly playing a stupid f**king noisy trinket. Meet CAXIROLA, designed by “Academy Award nominated musician Carlinhos Brown,” because you absolutely need an Academy Award nominated musician to design “a rattle with finger holes instead of a stick.” Mother of God. Enjoy listening to this thing, soccer jerks. (h/t to Reddit)

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Links

Enjoy This Lovely Collection Of Jennifer Lawrence Photos From Her Modeling Days |UPROXX|

Danny Pudi Got A ‘Community’ Fan Laid By Autographing A Starbucks Cup |Warming Glow|

James Franco Dicknosed His Own Birthday Cake |Film Drunk|

Philadelphia Is Hosting A Masturbate-A-Thon For National Masturbation Month |With Leather|

Scientifically Accurate Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Are Hilariously Disturbing |Gamma Squad|

Waka Flocka Thinks Gucci’s Hate Comes from “Jealousy” and “Envy” |Smoking Section|

LOLNFL: Draft Weekend 2013 |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Splish-Splash Blood Bath: Goulet vs Hieron |LegKickTKO|

The Mandible Claw Podcast, Episode 8: We Go On TV, and Sing Sing Sing |The Mandible Claw|

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Here’s an adorable clip of an … awesome 5-year old playing “keepy-uppy” with Brazilian soccer ninja Ronaldinho. It’s the right mix of skillful and adorable, and more of what we should be seeing in soccer stories. You know, more “having fun and being talented,” less “somebody tossed a grenade onto the field.” (via Prep Rally)

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Links

Friday Headlines: Goldust To Appear In Film Written By Our Buddy Brandon Stroud |TJR Wrestling|

The True Stories Behind 8 Of Phil Spector’s Greatest Songs |UPROXX|

Two People Are Going To Die On ‘Mad Men’ This Season |Warming Glow|

Ryan Gosling Is Done With Acting (For Awhile) |Film Drunk|

Thank You, Playboy, For Preparing Us For The NCAA Tournament Today |With Leather|

Alice Eve In Her Underwear Distracted Us From Hidden URL In ‘Star Trek Into Darkness’ Trailer |Gamma Squad|

When Kendrick Lamar Heard Jay-Z’s “Vibe” Verse For The First Time |Smoking Section|

This Week In F–k You: March Madness Lost Productivity Stories |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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That’s it, folks. Shut down the news for the rest of the year. We’ve got the most incredible, most scandalous news that is going to rock the very foundation of journalism itself this morning – despite the fact that it has already been reported elsewhere. However, when we pick a story up, things happen. Outrage grows. Fists are shaken in rage. So first, Leatherheads, the backdrop for this intense scandal…

Last Friday, 15 women vied for the title of 2012 Miss Bum Bum Brasil, which if you remember from earlier this year, is the world’s foremost competitive pageant for determining which Brazilian woman has the nicest backside. Of the women in this year’s contest, 25-year old Carine Felizardo (middle above) was declared the winner. Andressa Urach finished in second, while Camila Vernaglia took home 3rd place. In our book, though, they’re all champions.

As for her new title, Felizardo was incredibly humble and grateful for this supreme posterior honor.

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I think this commercial works best if you go into it blind. It’s like the Cabin In The Woods of commercials. Watch it, experience it, then continue reading.

All good? So yeah, that’s UFC heavyweight Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira in a Brazilian motorcycle ad, and while my Portuguese is a little rusty, I’m going to say the point of it was, “you don’t feel masculine enough, so go buy a Honda, it will make strippers sit on you near a ring of metal and fire”. This is a great ad, because that is exactly what Honda motorcycles do.

It’s all in good fun, but I’ve got to be honest … that scene of Big Nog in nothing but shorts, rubbing lotion on the back of gloves reminded me a little too much of The Silence Of The Lambs. Maybe buying a Honda keeps you from tucking and dancing around to Q Lazzarus?

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Everybody loves a good flop, be they a soccer guy collapsing to the field like he’s been picked off by a sniper or an NBA player trying to convince us that Manu Ginobli is strong enough to knock somebody down.

The mighty KALUNGA has taken flopping to a new, extreme level by adding motorcycles, then lying down in front of them.

Marlinton dos Reis Teixeira, known by his nickname ‘Kalunga’, slid on a corner in rainy conditions during the Rio Grande do Sul State Moto Grand Prix in Brazil, causing his bike to stall.

Kalunga failed to get his bike to start and was losing valuable time. He then walked to the middle of the track and threw himself on the ground pretending to be badly injured in an attempt to get the race red-flagged.

The best part is that the other guys on motorcycles didn’t have our point of view, so they think he’s actually hurt and stop to help. Kalunga gets stretchered away for boneitis or whatever, and eventually the MotoRacing Association of Rio Grande do Sul State watches tape and bans him from the championship forever. Now he doesn’t get to compete, but hey, at least he’s got a swell five-minute clip of him emulating The Program in a Brazilian motorbike race and being dragged away like a gimpy horse. Good decisions, bro!

Kalunga, I don’t know what you’re gonna do with your life now, but if you’re reading this, I have a suggestion: surfing. Learn how to do a dead man’s float.