I’m starting to think these lacrosse fights are worked.

What you’re witnessing (if you clicked that link, and are reading this while it’s happening) is a life-clearing brawl between the Allegany Arrows and Tonawanda Braves of the North American Minor Lacrosse Association, a league which hosts youth outdoor lacrosse games with box lacrosse rules. Everything starts off normally, with a bad call (I guess) from the ref, and lots of “c’mawn ref!” and “watch yer language” shouts from the (I’m guessing) parents in the crowd. The video doesn’t provide a lot of context for what happens next, but a ROXETTE RAP SONG kicks in and these guys just start going at it hockey style, goalie versus goalie and everything. I love that somebody went home and edited in a track by “Loaded Weapons” to hype a youth rumble. Who does that? And more importantly, who samples Roxette? Did you already use all the beats on Richard Marx “Repeat Offender”?

After everyone’s gotten in a shot or eight, the fight stops and everybody starts high-fiving. It was either that, or somebody getting tossed into the cage wall. The next time you hear someone say “outdoor box lacrosse,” assume they’re breaking the first and second rules of Fight Club.

[via Prep Rally]

Joe Sports Fan turned up this charming little soccer brawl video, in which a fan on the field is taken down by security guards, who add a couple “how ya doin’?” thrusts from their night sticks. And that’s when the fans collectively say, “No, we don’t think that’s appropriate.”

I’ve got nothing against cops or other such authority figures. In fact, I want my assisted suicide to be accompanied by the Glenn Miller Band and images of cops beating hippies. But to see a sports crowd rising up against these four security guards is… just… awesome. What beautiful anarchy. You just don’t see this kind of thing in America. Well, unless Detroit wins a championship.

The Columbus Crew played the Premiership's West Ham United in a friendly this weekend.  Yes, a friendly.  So the soccer team with the most notorious hooligans in the U.K. visits the location of Ohio State University.  What could possibly go wrong?

A halftime brawl between more than 100 fans marred an exhibition match Sunday between West Ham United of the English Premier League club and the MLS' Columbus Crew. The fights, which overshadowed West Ham United's 3-1 win, began when a handful of West Ham supporters… entered the northeast corner of the stadium where the Crew's most boisterous supporters typically gather.

Crew supporters began directing chants toward the rival fans, and fights quickly broke out between more than 100 Crew fans and at least 30 West Ham fans. [Note: police reportedly used pepper spray on the crowd. -Ed.]

The headline for that story claimed that the fights "marred" the soccer game.  Really?  Because I think the soccer game marred a perfectly good brawl.

A quick review: 

• Baseball fights: everyone runs onto the field and stands around.
• Football fights: two players wearing impenetrable helmets and padding push each other.
• Basketball fights: Single punch, several minutes of jersey-pulling.
• Hockey fights: Two guys hold onto each other's sweaters and punch until someone falls down.
• Soccer fights: kicking, hair-pulling. 

Advantage: rugby. 

[Rugby World Cup] 

With Leather policy dictates that I post video of hockey fights without ever learning anything or writing something in-depth about the NHL.  Of course, I dictate With Leather policy, which is one of the reasons I love my job so much. 

So here we are: an all-out brawl between the Rangers and Islanders that includes the goalies.  I guess it's only hockey preseason (there's a preseason?), but New York City hating Long Island is a year-round affair. 

[Deuce of Davenport] 

The latest news on the crazy Jose Offerman bat assault is that Offerman's lawyer is contesting that the assaulted pitcher may have broken his finger in the ensuing melee, not during the criminal assault.  Same goes for the catcher who got a concussion on one of Offerman's backswings.  I dunno, man.  I'm not a professional juror or anything, but the series of time-lapse photos above makes it look like Jose Offerman, you know, attacked people with a bat.

WARNING: Watch the video with the sound OFF.  I listened to it and went into a rage blackout.  I don't know what happened, but there's a dead hobo outside my building and a church burning down the street.

[FanHaus]