The Columbus Crew played the Premiership's West Ham United in a friendly this weekend.  Yes, a friendly.  So the soccer team with the most notorious hooligans in the U.K. visits the location of Ohio State University.  What could possibly go wrong?

A halftime brawl between more than 100 fans marred an exhibition match Sunday between West Ham United of the English Premier League club and the MLS' Columbus Crew. The fights, which overshadowed West Ham United's 3-1 win, began when a handful of West Ham supporters… entered the northeast corner of the stadium where the Crew's most boisterous supporters typically gather.

Crew supporters began directing chants toward the rival fans, and fights quickly broke out between more than 100 Crew fans and at least 30 West Ham fans. [Note: police reportedly used pepper spray on the crowd. -Ed.]

The headline for that story claimed that the fights "marred" the soccer game.  Really?  Because I think the soccer game marred a perfectly good brawl.

A quick review: 

• Baseball fights: everyone runs onto the field and stands around.
• Football fights: two players wearing impenetrable helmets and padding push each other.
• Basketball fights: Single punch, several minutes of jersey-pulling.
• Hockey fights: Two guys hold onto each other's sweaters and punch until someone falls down.
• Soccer fights: kicking, hair-pulling. 

Advantage: rugby. 

[Rugby World Cup] 

With Leather policy dictates that I post video of hockey fights without ever learning anything or writing something in-depth about the NHL.  Of course, I dictate With Leather policy, which is one of the reasons I love my job so much. 

So here we are: an all-out brawl between the Rangers and Islanders that includes the goalies.  I guess it's only hockey preseason (there's a preseason?), but New York City hating Long Island is a year-round affair. 

[Deuce of Davenport] 

The latest news on the crazy Jose Offerman bat assault is that Offerman's lawyer is contesting that the assaulted pitcher may have broken his finger in the ensuing melee, not during the criminal assault.  Same goes for the catcher who got a concussion on one of Offerman's backswings.  I dunno, man.  I'm not a professional juror or anything, but the series of time-lapse photos above makes it look like Jose Offerman, you know, attacked people with a bat.

WARNING: Watch the video with the sound OFF.  I listened to it and went into a rage blackout.  I don't know what happened, but there's a dead hobo outside my building and a church burning down the street.

[FanHaus] 

WNBA player Deanna Jackson was arrested in Israel after engaging in fisticuffs with an opponent in the Israeli league in which she plays during the offseason.

She was arrested Wednesday night after attacking Ina Gourevitch, an Elitzur Ramle guard, following the league championship game won 81-68 by Ramle. In the closing minutes of the game, Jackson and Gourevitch got into a skirmish and shouted insults at each other.

Police said the clash spilled into the parking lot, where Jackson sought out Gourevitch and punched her, breaking her nose.

Wait, her last name's Jackson?  Is she related to Stephen Jackson?  'Cuz he's got them crazy eyes.  He's the kind of guy who'd fire a gun into the air outside a strip club if he got the chance.

Thanks to readers Ned and Matt, the latter of whom says: "And YOU can count… on me waiting for you in the parking lot!"  

I haven't exactly been paying attention to the hockey playoffs, so I'm just going to rely on the YouTube description to describe the scene here:

after a vicious knee on knee hit by predators forward scott hartnell on sharks forward jonathan cheechoo in game 1, followed by a blatant boarding call by alexander radulouv in game 2 on sharks forward steve bernier, you knew it was only a matter of time before tempers would flare up.

Oh man, did I ever!

this is by far the most exciting series to watch in the 2007 stanley cup playoffs, and if you haven't been watching it, what have you been doing ?

Tough question.  Mostly drinking tallboys of Miller High Life, ordering takeout, then begging the deliveryman to stay and hang out for "just five minutes." Hey, I get lonely.