Chicago Bears wide receiver Brandon Marshall, while controversial and an all-around enigma to most NFL fans, will always be one of my favorite football players, because I was fortunate enough to cover his college career at the University of Central Florida. He was a goofball then and hardly the headache that he’d later become, so I’ve always been able to laugh off the majority of his antics. You know, as long as they didn’t involve domestic violence charges and whatnot.

Unlike some former UCF players – *cough, Atari Bigby, cough* – B-Marsh still shows plenty of love for his alma mater, where his four-year career culminated in an incredible 2005 Hawaii Bowl performance that earned him MVP honors, despite Matt Prater shanking an extra point to cost UCF the game. That leads us to this morning’s Tweets from Marshall, which included the above picture of a package he received from the UCF athletics department.

After he opened the package, Marshall Tweeted another picture of the new UCF gear that he received. Oh, and there’s totally a naked dude’s ass in the picture, too. NSFW after the jump, if you dare.

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As I’ve mentioned in the past, much to your undoubted excitement, I spend way too much time on Twitter and Tumblr all for the purpose of entertaining you. I mean, if I don’t scour the Internet for GIFs of Brooklyn Decker and Kate Upton, then who will? Sure, I could be rewarded with a Pulitzer one day, but I’ll settle for a Peabody.

In between the GIFs and the jugs, though, I stumble across random sites that simply make me giggle. Today’s chuckle maker comes courtesy of the Tumblr page, The National Foodball League, which combines three of my favorite things – football, puns, and food. If I can appeal to Will Riggins, the artist behind these delightful food (and other) images, I would one day like to see Ryan Bananahill, Veggie Bush, and Flan Carpenter.

I’d make them myself, but I’m fat and it won’t end well.

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"Dude, you've gotta stop going to night clubs, k bro?"

When Fox Sports reporter and Bond villain Jay Glazer broke the news yesterday afternoon that the Miami Dolphins had traded receiver Brandon Marshall to the Chicago Bears for two third round draft picks, a few theories hit the Twitters:

1) The Dolphins are run by complete morons.
2) The Dolphins were freeing up as much money as they could to sign Peyton Manning and Reggie Wayne.
3) The Dolphins are run by complete morons.

After all, how could they send away their best offensive weapon for less than what they traded for him just two seasons ago unless they had one hell of a plan? Well, Wayne signed a new 3-year deal with the Indianapolis Colts last night, Vincent Jackson signed with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for $11 million a year, Pierre Garcon is a Washington Redskin and Robert Meachem is as good as a Buffalo Bill signed with the San Diego Chargers. So why the hell did the Dolphins trade Marshall?

Cops are investigating whether a star NFL wide receiver with a rough-and-tumble reputation punched a woman in the face at a Chelsea nightclub, sources said Wednesday.

The young woman filed a police report against Brandon Marshall, saying the 6-foot-4, 230-pound wideout smacked her in the eye outside the Marquee nightclub about 4 a.m. Sunday, sources said. (Via the New York Daily News)

That makes a lot more sense. Guilty or not, Marshall is possibly in for a punishment from the league, seeing as he doesn’t exactly have the best history with night clubs. I’m guessing that he’ll be slapped with a suspension just for showing up in the news again, because, fair or not, Roger Goodell can do whatever he damn well pleases.

As for the Bears, they say they were aware of the incident before trading for Marshall, but I have to believe that Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland was prepared to use his “No Take Backs” clause if necessary.

And we’re off. Well, we’ve actually already been off, because teams have been re-signing their free agents for most of the day, but now we’re finally going to get down to business and watch our favorite NFL teams jump all over the cream of this offseason’s free agent crop, and everything begins with the quarterback questions. First up is Peyton Manning, obviously, because if I squint really hard I can make my Twitter feed look like Manning and Dwight Howard had a threeway with Fab Melo today.

The favorites would appear to be the Arizona Cardinals and the Denver Broncos, because we’ve been led to believe that those are the only teams that Manning has met with. But apparently that’s not true, according to a blog on the Palm Beach Post’s website today.

Word broke late Monday night that the Dolphins did, in fact, meet with Manning for about six hours on Monday, just like he met with the Broncos and Cardinals for six hours each over the weekend. But in an interesting twist, Manning didn’t visit with the Dolphins in South Florida, even though he has a home here. Instead, Manning secretly met with the Dolphins in Indianapolis, likely to avoid the intense media crush that is trying to follow Manning’s every move.

That’s not too surprising, as Manning said that he would speak with Dolphins officials after he said he didn’t need to, and he also agreed to meet with Tennessee Titans officials after it was reported that he wasn’t going to meet with any other teams. After all of this is over, I’m going to need a nice, long nap.

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Just like the Jacksonville Jaguars, the Pro Bowl had to tarp sections to avoid a blackout.

The 2012 Pro Bowl took place yesterday, in case you were glued to TNT’s broadcast of the Celebrity Drinking Contest annual SAG Awards, and it was basically everything you would expect, as the AFC defeated the NFC 59-41. The defenses played down, allowing the offensive players to do their things, and that’s why Philip Rivers only had one interception, instead of the standard 7. But I also commend rookie Can Newton for selflessly getting the defense involved by throwing 3 picks as well.

The star of the game, though, was Miami Dolphins wide receiver Brandon Marshall, who had 6 receptions for 176 yards and a Pro Bowl record 4 touchdowns, as he scored once in each quarter. Of course, the controversial wide receiver’s moment in the figurative sun didn’t last long as he eventually opened his mouth.

“Since Jay Cutler I’ve had a few different quarterbacks and being in the Pro Bowl you have these elite quarterbacks and it’s all them,” he said. “They put [the ball] in the right spots and make it easy for me to make the catch. It’s all the quarterbacks.” (Via the Miami Herald)

While he’s right – in the last two seasons, he’s had four QBs in Matt Moore, Chad Henne, Chad Pennington and Tyler Thigpen – some have misconstrued Marshall’s words as an attack on Moore. That would be true if the Dolphins hadn’t already made it clear that they’re looking to upgrade at QB. But I digress. At least the Pro Bowl gave us something to talk about.

In the meantime, people will continue to question the need for the Pro Bowl, and those people need to shush. The Pro Bowl is great for what it is – a chance for guys who get their asses kicked for 18 weeks to f*ck around and have some fun. The NFL just needs to move it back to after the Super Bowl so the players from the eventual championship team can attend and remind all of the other players how much worse they are. That’s the true NFL spirit.

Now enjoy some of the game’s best moments before everyone goes back to airing David Tyree’s catch over and over for the next 6 days.

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Even as the Miami Dolphins are 0-4 and most fans – this handsome blogger included – are leaning toward the “Suck for Luck” campaign, there are two immediate roadblocks to a 0-16 season. First, most professional athletes are too proud to purposely play for a winless season. Just ask Dwight Freeney, who recently proclaimed that the Colts won’t suck for anyone. Second, no matter how bad they are, the Dolphins always play to win against the New York Jets. Just ask Brandon Marshall, who vows to play like a monster when the two teams meet on Monday Night Football.

“I think the past four games have been tough for me, trying to control some things, and, hey man, I’m just going to let it out,” Marshall said of his emotions.

“I don’t care if I have two, three cameras on me. I don’t care if I have penalties. It doesn’t matter; I’m going to let it all out. I don’t care what you guys write or what the commentators say. I’m just going to play football. That’s what I’m best at. I’m best when I play emotional. I’m best when I play with passion. You guys are going to see that on Monday Night Football. I don’t know if it’s throwing a football 15 yards in the bleachers, or getting a 15-yarder [penalty], or punting the ball and getting thrown out of the game. But something is going to happen. I’ll probably get kicked out after the second quarter.”

(Via the Miami Herald)

Memo to B-Marsh from fantasy football enthusiasts: Please don’t.

So is the oft-angry underachiever serious? You bet your scarred stomach he is.

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