The New Jersey Nets have filed paperwork with the NBA to change their name. We’ve already learned after Ted Leonsis’ takeover of the Washington Wizards that such a measure literally takes years to implement, but the Nets, who finished dead last in the league with 12 wins last year, don’t seem to be in any bit of a hurry.

The process takes about two years, which would coordinate nicely with the Nets’ scheduled 2012 move into a new arena in Brooklyn. Given that the Nets’ new owner — Russian gazillionaire Mikhail Prokhorov — is determined to give his team a total makeover, might we expect a new nickname to go along with the new city name? –GameOn, via NY Daily News.

This is really the only way that I’d pay attention to the NBA–if the teams changed names every year. It would be like fantasy sports, where a franchise literally exists for five months and then gets mercilessly scrapped. By the way, I’m doing fantasy soccer this year. I can’t wait to show off my futbol knowledge with “Human Centipede United.”

The United Football League released its schedule today, and you didn’t have to be a training camp casualty to notice two distinct things about it. First, since the league has five teams this year, each team will have two byes during its 10-week campaign, which is nice for those strip clubs in town that had to give up their bouncers on Thursday and Saturday nights.

Secondly, the League’s newest franchise, based in Omaha, doesn’t have a name yet. This is an absolute travesty, especially since the Nebraska city has such a prominent reputation for technology, its zoo, and a rich history of racial tension. So I took it upon myself to suggest a handful of names for the UFL to choose from. No need to thank me, fellas. I’m here to help. Read the rest of this entry »

A sexy, nameless reader brings us this entry into that Super Bowl commercial contest organized every year by a popular snack food. Anyway, I’m told that this video wasn’t one of the finalists, despite the fact that it features the awesome former WWE wrestler Al Snow, pioneer of the “JOB Squad” gimmick around the turn of the century. He’s on the indie circuit right now, but he looks like he can carry himself onscreen. He’s like a sexually ambiguous Bruce Campbell, but in a good way.