Former college standout turned glorious NFL draft bust turned Otis from The Devil’s Rejects-style drugged-out Texas highwayman Ryan Leaf is recovering from surgery to remove a benign tumor from his brain. Leaf had surgery last week, and yes, every single report of this guy having a tumor removed from his brain features a paragraph about how he is one of the worst football players of all time. I hope the surgery was an Eternal Sunshine thing to remove the word “bust” from Ryan Leaf’s brain.

“I am looking forward to resting a bit and being with my family,” Leaf told the AP in a statement.

“This was just another bridge for me to cross, and I will continue to live each day to the fullest and give back where I can!”

Examples of Leaf giving back to date include getting a four-year $31.25 million contract with a $11.25 million signing bonus to play 21 career games and working 10 years of probation for eight felony drug charges. He also fleed to Canada and signed a contract to write three autobiographical books about his life, which I guess constitute giving back. Peyton Manning helped deliver life-saving goods to the people of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and has a children’s hospital in Indianapolis named after him. I mean, I’m just saying.

In all seriousness, brain tumors are serious business, and absolutely no one wishes him well.

[via USA Today]

Former NHL journeyman left winger Donald Brashear has made a great career decision as he approaches his 40th birthday — he’s getting into mixed martial arts. USA Today is reporting that the currently semi-pro hockey star has signed a contract with promoter Ringside MMA for a minimum of one fight, with possibly as many as three fights set to take place, including a rumored bout on the Ringside 11 car at the Quebec Coliseum on June 4th.

The 6-foot-3, 237-pound Brashear played for the Canadiens, Canucks, Flyers, Capitals and Rangers throughout his NHL career, and is mostly famous for that one time when he pissed off the Boston Bruins so badly that Marty McSorely slashed him in the back of the head with his stick. He’s also semi-famous for a 2000 assault charge wherein he roughing a guy up at the gym for complaining about a baby crawling on the exercise machines. This combination of brain concussion and irrational anger makes Brashear a perfect candidate for MMA.

I guess the major challenge is going to be learning how to fight without pulling on somebody’s sweater. Maybe he’ll innovate the sport and figure out how to pull someone’s sponsored jam shorts up over their head.

Ben Roethlisberger has found the voice of a lone supporter in a sea of dissenters. And that man is Dr. Jordan Grafman, a neuropsychologist at the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke. He says that Big Ben’s behavior might be attributed to brain damage caused by his motorcycle accident in 2007.

“If you’re married and you’re flirting with another woman in an elevator with your wife next to you,” Grafman says, “that’s the kind of clearly inappropriate behavior.” Roethlisberger is not married, but one man told me that Roethlisberger had asked out his wife while the man was present.

“Say somebody comes into the room dressed like an idiot,” Grafman says. “You might say something about it, but you’d whisper to your friend, not to the person. If you say it to the person themselves, that’s a violation of social rules.”

Another person told me that Roethlisberger said aloud to a friend, “I didn’t know you like fat chicks,” referring to a woman standing near the friend. According to the account relayed to me, Roethlisberger proclaimed this loudly enough that it was clear that he had no regard for whether the woman heard or not. –SI.com.

Sounds like Roethlisberger might have a future playing college lacrosse. Whether his dipshittery was caused by excessive trauma or a sense of entitlement, he’s still responsible for his behavior. This scientist coming out and offering up a defense for Ben does little else but illustrate how people have continually made excuses for a guy that leaves everyone thinking that he’s a total prick. At least mention the fact that he went to Miami of Ohio. They breed a-holes out of test tubes at that school.

POW! Right in the kisser! POW! Right in the kisser! POW! Right in the kisser!

Tim Tebow got knockeddafuggout in the 3rd quarter of Florida’s 41-7 thrashing of Kentucky last night after receiving a deliciously vicious hit from Kentucky defensive end Taylor Wyndham. To add insult to injury, so to speak, Tebow’s fall from the whiplash-inducing shot was broken by teammate Marcus Gilbert’s knee. Tebow was already suffering from flu-like symptoms and was seen vomiting as medical personnel carted him off the field.

Florida head coach Urban Meyer was shaken after the game when he spoke about his pious quarterback going down.

“It’s like my son,” Meyer said. “Imagine your son lying on the ground. My knees were shaking.” via.

Hey there, Coach Meyer, the only one that can claim Tebow is like a son to him is God, and when he saw Tebow get drilled, even he said, “Goddamn!” which is weird when you think about it. Thinking about God watching football made me think of something: I bet he (or “she” for you feminists) has an awesome home theater setup. Plasma? Pshaw. God’s rocking the magma screen.

Sure, lots of other compelling stories came out of yesterday’s football action, but that’s not important right now. How can anyone think of anything besides the well-being of the Holy Tebow? I can’t, that’s for sure.

Ultimately, I’m sure Tebow will be fine and will miraculously be resurrected for Florida’s next game, October 10th against LSU. Although one has to wonder if his concussion will have any long-term, residual effects on Tebow. Wouldn’t it be something if Tebow’s personality was radically altered because of his injury, like a modern day Phineas Gage? If that was the case, look out, comely Florida coeds – we might have a strange case of a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde kind of scenario developing. Post-concussion Tebow may have only one thing on his mind: sweet, sweet SEC poon.

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