I don’t know much about “bowls,” the outdoor bowling sport that’s prominent in the Australian-ish region of the world, but I’m pretty sure that showing one’s penis to one’s teammates isn’t really part of the procedure. Because if that were the case, we’d be playing it like crazy here. And by “we,” I mean “your mom and the gays.” Hi, gays!

David File admits he “flopped out my old fella” when he returned from the toilet to illustrate to his losing fours team that they were “playing like dicks” on the middle day of the Easter Burton Cup tournament at Kahutia Bowling Club.

The 43-year-old Gisborne painter told The Dominion Post last night that he regretted his actions and maintained few saw his act and no one was offended at the time. –Stuff (NZ).

That seems excessive. I could probably walk out my front door with my John Thomas dangling prominently in the sunshine and I’d probably get less than ten years in jail. Did File’s wang have some anti-Semitic epitaths carved into it? Nothing expresses Jew hate better than a vandalized penis. Besides everything. Way to go, New Zealand! –via Ben Maller.

After Kirk Ferentz’s golder shower in the wake of Iowa’s win over Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl last night, the Big Ten’s bowl season has (finally) ended. Final tally? The seven Big Ten teams in bowls amassed a 4-3 postseason record, including a 2-0 record in the BCS. So the Big Ten’s back, right? Uh…

I don’t think you can make blanket generalizations about one conference or another. Except for the ACC, which is horrible. But if Indiana had beaten Vanderbilt in the Yo Mama Bowl, would we be trumpeting the Big Ten’s whipping over the SEC? Probably not. Does the game lose even more significance (and reliability as any sort of barometer) when it’s played over a month after the end of the regular season? I’d say so. But that won’t stop some people from knee-jerking their way into another column about how great one conference is. Whatever.

People love to slam the Big Ten, but that’s really like slamming Catholics or blondes or that fruity-looking guy that does the travel shows for PBS. It has become socially acceptable, even if it the logic isn’t always compatible with the claim. To say one conference is weaker or stronger than another in the limited-sample world of college football will always be conjecture. Except when talking about the ACC, which, as we’ve already established, sucks balls.

And if you missed Ricky Stanzi’s little tribute to America yesterday, the video’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

Everyone seems bent out of shape about this Iowa-Georgia Tech Orange Bowl and how little national significance the game seems to have. That seems odd to me, because this is the kind of matchup we’d see in the first or second round of any national football tournament–two kinda good teams that had nice seasons but that nobody really finds worthy of their attention. And the trouble with that indifference is that it’s compounded when it comes from the two competing schools.

In 2010, unlike past years, the Orange Bowl ticket isn’t a tough get. Fans are practically giving tickets away. Clay Rowand, a Georgia Tech student, paid $125 face value for a ticket to the game. He had hope to unload it for around $80, he wound up getting just $40 for the tickets.[..]

There could be a number of explanations for the lackluster sales. Fans give multiple versions of why the game has the potential to be a dud at the box office. Gabriel Arronte, a fifth year senior, said “It’s a long trip, especially for Iowa, so I don’t know if they wouldn’t be able to make it.” Iowa fan Casey Reidell offered up a different explanation. “Georgia Tech fans don’t travel well. I think that’s part of the problem,” Reidell said. –CBS4 Miami.

On the other hand, if this were a playoff game, there likely would be a better chance of these teams playing closer to (if not in) one of their stadiums. But all of these arguments about a playoff are stupid. Arguing about the bowls is like arguing about the DH in the American League or Susan Sarandon’s movies–they’re not going away. The best we can do is hope that this game is more Bull Durham than Thelma and Louise.

This weekend, Saturday Night Live continued its trend of being the best 90-minute show that you can watch in 20 minutes on your DVR, thanks in part to Will Forte’s song making fun of the BCS. Even though every Will Forte song on Weekend Update sounds exactly the same, and even though this devolves into easy George Bush jokes, I still found this mildly enjoyable enough to post. What a ringing endorsement! Ain’t no compliment like an underhanded compliment!

Also excited: Jesus

Florida beat Oklahoma 24-14 in the BCS Championship Game last night, cementing its status as the best non-undefeated team in the nation, which equates to a national championship this year.  Sorry, Utah.  Try not being in Utah, you’ll get some more respect.

Maybe I’m the only one who doesn’t care that the Sooners’ streak of 60-point games stopped, but I actually enjoyed seeing an evenly matched game with defensive stops and a couple turnovers (the Gators’ two goal-line stands were the difference in the game).  The only problem I had with the game was the announcers, Thom Brennaman and Charles Davis.  Here’s a sample of the commentary:

Brennaman: …and Tim Tebow is just putting this team on his back.  What an amazing leader!
Davis: I’m even more impressed by the person he is, Thom.
Brennaman: And such a considerate lover.

I couldn’t stand it, and I like Tebow.  I can’t imagine what it must have been like for Oklahoma fans.  Their malformed, shrunken brains must have been so angry!  More photos, links, video, and commentator screw-ups after the jump.

Read the rest of this entry »

Try to imagine what you could do to make sure no one attended or watched a bowl game.  Pick two small-conference schools, like Tulsa and Ball State?  Check.  Play the game in Mobile, Alabma?  Check.  Make the game a blowout?  Check.  Play the game in a driving rainstorm?  All aboard for the Empty Stadium Express!

I’ve wasted half my damn morning looking for photos of the empty stadium, and it’s like the game didn’t even happen (Awful Announcing found the one you see here).  No pictures from Getty Images.  Nothing from Yahoo.  ESPN.com: nothing on the front page, and nothing on the college football page.  And ESPN showed the game! In fact, if you type “GMAC Bowl Tulsa Ball State” into Google, it will actually give you a return that says, “Did you mean ANYTHING ELSE?  ANYTHING ELSE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD?  WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT THAT FOR?”

I hate everything related to last night’s GMAC Bowl, and I hate everyone responsible for its existence.  I hate its placement between the Fiesta Bowl and the BCS Championship, I hate ESPN for showing it on TV, and I hate you if you disagree.