did I do that

This week, With Leather’s semi-weekly look at the best sports moments from not-sports television shows goes back to its 80s roots to chronicle the jet pack rope climbs, Bushwhacker tag team matches and Grandmama slam dunks of ABC’s TGIF founding father ‘Family Matters.’ You may remember it best as “that show Urkel was on.” Consider it a spiritual sequel to our Full House list.

If you watched the show, you’ll remember these moments. If you didn’t, you should find enough insurmountable 80s/90s cheese in Reginald VelJohnson ALONE to satiate you. So sit back, relax, and repeatedly click the “next” button for the 20 greatest sports moments of ‘Family Matters.’ No sweat, my pet!

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With the five living U.S. Presidents and Zombie Taft currently breaking in the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum at Southern Methodist University, where legend has it that Craig James was quite the ladies man, I added some presidential history to my morning reading. Among the things that I learned, it turns out that James K. Polk did not, in fact, coin the phrase “itty bitty titty committee” and today is the 66th anniversary of the opening of the White House Bowling Alley.

According to PBS, this isn’t anything special, but it was actually a nice gesture from President Harry “Man Meat” Truman to the White House’s underappreciated staff.

Although Truman did not play much (he was more into poker), he helped start the White House Bowling League. The bowlers included Secret Service agents and groundskeepers. Unfortunately, the alley was closed in 1955, but a new one was built in the Eisenhower Building.

I researched some of Truman’s history as a poker player, and it seems that he is responsible for approximately 10% of the national deficit, because of his love of chasing straights to the river. F*cking amateur hour.

But as for the bowling thing, I did my own research that goes far beyond anything that PBS and the national Archives have ever done and I recovered an actual photo of the scores from the first game that was ever played by Truman and some of his cabinet members on April 25, 1947. This is absolutely amazing.

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And I say HEY! What a wonderful time of day! Where you can learn to work and play, and read the first Sports On TV of 2013: the 20 greatest sports moments from PBS Kids’ ‘Arthur.’

‘Arthur’ is about the mostly-educational adventures of Arthur Read, an 8-year old aardvark who … well, learns to work and play and get along with the people in his hometown of Elwood City. Arthur started as a series of children’s books by author and illustrator Marc Brown, and eventually became a cartoon so popular it has over 1.1 million likes on Facebook and is the longest-running children’s animated series in the U.S., second behind only ‘The Simpsons’ as the longest-running animated series in the U.S. period. It’s also full of sports, and sometimes I like to write things on my comedy sports blog that my girlfriend will enjoy.

If you don’t already love ‘Arthur’ and have no interest in flipping through this list, listen to the opening theme, included below. If you can listen to the entire thing and not sing it for the rest of the day, I’ll let you off the hook.

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By way of the helpfully-watermarked-to-death Everything Is Terrible comes my new favorite With Leather Christmas update — topping the obnoxious IU game-winning three-point lights and The Prime Time Players singing wrestling-themed Christmas carols is this clip of a 1990s Arnold Schwarzenegger leading an ethnically and culturally diverse group of pals through a holiday conversation about bowling balls and singing lessons.

Seriously, you haven’t lived until you’ve seen full-on Twins-era Arnold ask an old lady about Christmas presents and get playfully defensive about how she’s shitting with him. A BOWLING BALL? AND YOU NEVER GOT IT? CAHM ON, DON’T PUT ME ON, I KNOW YOU GOT A BOWLING BALL YOU BECAME A CHAMPION BOWLAH,YOU MANY TIMES OVAH YOU BECAME A CHAMPION AYEAYEAYEAYEAHH HEAH HEAH HEAH! I thought she was the Where’s The Beef lady at first.

Oh, and then Arnold tells children about how Santa’s visit was prefaced by a visit from THE DEVIL, and then some Danny DeVito-laced Christmas caroling. It’s the best. Christmas is awesome and so is Arnold, and I want YOU ARE CHAMPION BOWLAH on my tombstone.

[h/t to Max Robinson]

Here’s a story that will either make you feel wonder at the power of the human spirit, or terrible about yourself because you are fat and lazy and can’t accomplish anything with a working everything: 48-year old George Holscher of Chesapeake, Virginia, bowled a perfect game.

The rub: He’s been paralyzed from the waist down and wheelchair-bound since he was 25.

… when he rolled his perfect game Nov. 26, he became the second person ever to bowl 300 from a wheelchair.

“I know I said I can’t feel my knees, but let me tell you, they were weak,” Holscher said of how he felt after bowling a 300.

“When you’re on a streak like that, the whole house gets quiet,” Holscher said. “Everyone else stops bowling. It gets tense.” (via UPI.com)

This story is particularly inspiring to me, because I can’t reliably get the ball to the pins without Cosmic Bowling bumpers. I think my favorite part of the story are the anecdotes that different reporters have gotten, including this amazing one from The Virginian-Pilot about how he needs a special chair to keep from tipping over, and about how he bought his magical ball at a yard sale.

Two days later, Holscher returned to the lanes to demonstrate his technique. His bowling chair is a customized version of his everyday one – heavier, with sturdier wheel locks, extra seat support and a bolted-on ball stand. Resting on the stand: a dark blue, 14-pounder bought at a yard sale for $20.

Holscher polishes it lovingly with a small towel: “I’ve got some that cost $200 or $300, but this is the one that did it.”

George Holscher could say he has bowling fairies sitting on his shoulders when he bowls and I’d believe him. If you’ve never bowled a perfect game, hit up your neighbor’s garage and give George’s method a try. If ‘Parks And Recreation’ has taught us nothing else, it’s that unconventional bowling styles can work.

[h/t to Bob's Blitz]

"Sweet gloves, bro."

NBA legend and TNT analyst Shaquille O’Neal, in his neverending quest to completely besmirch Dwight Howard, once said that Andrew Bynum was the best big man in the league. But since he was traded to the Philadelphia 76ers in the blockbuster deal that sent Howard from the Orlando Magic to the Los Angeles Lakers, I’m pretty certain that Shaq doesn’t even care who Bynum is anymore. That doesn’t change the fact that, though, that when healthy Bynum is indeed one of the most talented centers in the NBA. The key component of that statement being WHEN HEALTHY, because lately that’s a concern.

Bynum has been rehabilitating his knees after he received fancy lubrication injections in Germany during the summer. Basically, the guy has no cartilage and he’s trying desperately to make his knees work. Originally, he was aiming to be ready by mid-to-late November, but then he suffered a bone bruise that set him back to December or January. Now, his recovery has been set back again, because he reportedly re-injured his knee while bowling. Seriously.

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