ROSE: No. 5 USC 38, No. 6 Penn State 24. USC says they should have been playing for the national championship. Coach Pete Carroll even said after the game, “I don’t think anybody can beat the Trojans this year.” YOU LOST TO OREGON STATE THREE MONTHS AGO! And you played your bowl game on what was basically a home field. I’m sure that was no advantage at all.

OUTBACK: Iowa 31, South Carolina 10. Iowa running back Shonn Greene ran for 121 yards and three scores; the junior has run for over 100 yards in every game this season. South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier started redshirt freshman Stephen Garcia, who threw three picks before getting yanked in the first half. Iowa’s win is the Big Ten’s only victory to date in postseason play this season.

ORANGE: No. 21 Virginia Tech 20, No. 12 Cincinnati 7. The Bearcats scored on their first possession, but couldn’t get a sniff of the end zone thereafter. Tony Pike’s four picks probably didn’t help. Tech’s Darren Evans ran for 153 and a score.

GATOR: Nebraska 26, Clemson 21. Clemson quarterback Cullen Harper threw two-picks–both were balls deflected at the line–that highlighted an offensive implosion by the Tigers.

CAPITAL ONE: No. 16 Georgia 24, No. 19 Michigan State 12. Congratulations, Georgia. You finally won your first big game of the year.

So the matchups for all 368 bowls were announced last night; your BCS Title Game correctly pairs Big 12 champion Oklahoma with SEC winner Florida. The great state (cough) of Ohio is sending two teams to BCS bowls (Big Ten co-champ Ohio State will play Texas in the Fiesta Bowl, and Big East winner Cincinnati will play in the Orange Bowl against ACC winner Virginia Tech). Rounding out the BCS pairings are Penn State and USC in the Rose Bowl and upstart Mountain West champion Utah versus Alabama in the Sugar Bowl.

WAC champ Boise State finished 12-0 and got totally hosed by the BCS, settling for a bid to the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, to take on TCU. Notre Dame is going to get lei’d, two of the service academies received postseason bids, and you can see the rest here. Maybe someday that link will be to a wonderful playoff bracket that we can fill out and pretend to follow. Put that on your Christmas list…your 2014 Christmas list.

Michigan's football team has set the bar high in the Beef Bowl, the annual eat-off between teams paired off in the Rose Bowl. Yesterday the Wolverines downed more than a quarter-ton of slow-cooked prime rib.

Michigan gorged itself on 612 pounds of meat, roughly 100 pounds more than the team devoured two years ago. In fact, teams average somewhere in the high 400s to low 500s.

Lest anyone think the Beef Bowl is just another silly night of California decadence, we happily point out this: Teams that eat the most prime rib win the Rose Bowl 70% of the time.

Ah, I see. And here I was thinking touchdowns during the game were what affected the outcome. Say what you will about the Midwest, but those boys know two things: beer and meat. And football. So, three.

Anyway, USC gets its chance tonight, and you know those southern California pussies are gonna lose. "No thanks, I had sushi earlier." "This much meat is terrible for my complexion." "Aw jeez, I just had my colon flushed last week."

Why the photo of Love Brigade's Alyssa Key? Well, the story's about prime rib. Connect the dots, dumbass.