Disclaimer: This has nothing to do with Kate Upton.

It is not an easy task to put together a list, such as the Greatest Sports Moments of 2012, specifically because so many things happen in any given year that it’s all but impossible to universally gauge which one event or person is greater than another. But since we’re just a couple dudes who like to make fun of stuff and almost always ignore actual sports news, it’s really quite easy.

With that said, here’s a quick breakdown of how our team of fact checkers and sports analyst number crunchers determine which people, places and things were the most important and influential in 2012…

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Trust me, folks – I hate talking any level of politics on this here sports humor blog, but sometimes I just can’t help but slap my forehead at the time management of our great nation’s elected officials. Today’s tale of “WTF, politicians?” comes from Louisiana, where state senators have voted almost unanimously to demand that the NFL reconsider the punishments handed down to the New Orleans Saints for their role in BOUNTY GATE: THE GATE THAT INVOLVED BOUNTIES™.

Back in March, Rep. Cameron Henry, a Republican from the fine parish of Jefferson, introduced House Concurrent Resolution 50, which basically says that the NFL was wrong to fine the Saints half a million and suspend coach Sean Payton for the year. The bill passed 28-1 and now the Louisiana state legislature demands action by NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, or else they will not show their tits for beads. I think that’s how this works.

“There is widespread public opinion throughout the state of Louisiana and beyond that the penalties imposed upon the Saints are too harsh and should be reconsidered,” the resolution says.

Henry’s resolution says that the suspensions “will likely have a negative economic impact across the Crescent City and the state as a whole.” (The Times-Picayune via Pro Football Talk)

Look, I may not be some fancy, big city slicker lawyer type, but I have watched a football game or two in my day, and I’ve certainly enjoyed the treasures of New Orleans on a few occasions. So if I had to make a prediction of how this bill will influence the NFL commish, I’d say: 1) It won’t; B) Nah, it won’t; and III) Seriously, it won’t. But I also don’t think it will affect people traveling to the state either, because as long as people enjoy pissing money away at Harrah’s and sucking down crawfish and beignets, the Big Easy will be fine (see you in November, Cajun Boy!). Just have a few hand grenades and heckles some tourists. This whole mess will be over soon enough.

The New Orleans Saints were under investigation for running an alleged bounty program after they won the Super Bowl in 2009. The NFL was told by anonymous players that defensive coordinator Gregg Williams was urging players to injure opponents for money and the Saints knew, because they were being investigated. So maybe it was the relief of the NFL concluding its investigation with no penalty or maybe it was just extreme arrogance, but Williams kept running his bounty program, and he apparently did it while a camera was pointed at him the entire time.

According to Yahoo!, documentary filmmaker Sean Pamphilon (Run Ricky Run) was with the Saints at the team’s hotel the night before they played the San Francisco 49ers in their divisional playoff game. The Saints went on to lose that game 36-32, possibly because Williams wasn’t clear enough with his innuendos and hand signals.

Hold on, I think I have an artist’s rendering of Williams’ reaction to this…

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Fortunately for the New Orleans Saints, the beginning of free agency was more important to the majority of us fans of loser teams, so a lot of us checked out on that whole “paying players to hurt opponents” things. Still, some Saints players are deeply hurt that the NFL and its fans would accuse them of playing dirty and intentionally trying to end the careers of players like Kurt Warner and Brett Favre.

Take Saints DB Jabari Greer, for instance, who was so insulted by these bounty accusations and looming punishments that he opened his heart and offered us a poem on his New Orleans Times-Picayune blog, Out of Bounds.

Oh, but first I’m going to show you his disclaimer so you don’t get lost in a whirlwind of emotions…

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For once, a YouTube comment cuts to the heart of a story.

Next Media Animation makes a good point here — that the NFL glosses over their scandals by depicting them as isolated incidents, and is basically a violence glorification machine — but the way they make it is classic Taiwanese batsh*t insanity, beginning with a “high horse” in the ESPN studios literally zero seconds in and culminating in the nearly-nude gladiator Saints murdering the New York Giants with swords.

The video’s highlight (besides the eerily accurate animated version of Gregg Williams) has to be the Dewey Cox-style splitting of Brett Favre in twain. If you’ve ever wanted to see a player celebrate over the lifeless corpse of Favre, this is your chance. This is also your chance if you’ve wanted to see someone clean up Favre’s body parts with a rag on a stick and a wheelbarrow. Wait, what the f**k is happening?