Fun fact: If you ask the average sports fan who he thinks will win the Stanley Cup, he will answer “LeBron James.”

Sports

Canucks Try to Explain 8-1 Game 3 Embarrassment - Canucks player Carlos Zambrano added “we stinks.” There are a lot of great parallels between the NHL and NBA finals, such as the Heat/Bruins being unstoppable and Dirk/the Canucks refusing to do anything but set those terrible picks over and over. [Puck Daddy]

Tim Thomas Toe-Pick Followed By Some Redemption - This is the easiest way to humanize a player, by watching him mess up and fall on his ass, then absolutely truck somebody. Hockey is pretty cool, and more people on the Internet should watch it. [Yardbarker]

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One of the great blessings of my life is that I was a child before digital cameras and a teenager before YouTube. That means there are not 500 pictures of me naked in the bathtub on my Mom’s Facebook page, and that every dumb thing I decided to do on video wasn’t publicly archived for the enjoyment of the world. YouTube user DaftTonks seems to enjoy filming herself singing Ke$ha songs, and while there is nothing inherently wrong with that, her Boston Bruins-themed parody of “We R Who We R” has just exploded onto the Internet with exactly the right mix of bad singing, bad ideas, and fat kids.

I urge you to avoid the HEY TEENAGE BITCH HIT THE SALAD BAR YOU BITCH thing YouTube commenters have a tendency to do, and instead focus on the true star of the video, a kid identified only as “Antony.” Antony steals the show with his Biggie Smalls-style flow, and I think he’d be our next breakout Internet star if DaftTonks had bothered to sync up their performance to the music. The rushed, bated-breath tone of the song certainly hurts its impact. A wag of the finger to the producer!

But yeah, I’m pretty happy to be a guy struggling for success online instead of someone thrust into it against his will. I just want to be Brandon, not “Bruins Kid” or “hockey song fail girl.” At least now I know who to root for in the Stanley Cup Finals.

[H/T Buzzfeed]

In case you missed last night’s Boston/Philadelphia playoff game, Bruins defenseman Adam McQuaid attempted E. Honda’s flying headbutt from Street Fighter II and ended up murdering himself into the boards. He was going for a big check on the Flyer’s Mike Richards and completely whiffed, so now we, the vultures of pop culture sports comedy, get to watch it over and over again. It’s like the drunk Red Sox fan video we posted earlier, without the other person.

McQuaid was taken to Jefferson Hospital in Philadelphia and was reportedly alert and awake.

“Adam is coming back home with us,” Bruins coach Claude Julien reportedly said. “He was sent to the hospital for evaluation. I don’t know the whole details there, which we’ll probably share with you guys tomorrow if we can. But he’s coming back with us, so that’s a good sign in itself.”

Highlights For Children caption contest winner: “THAT’s using your head!” – Josh, age 7

[Yahoo Sports]

"Ass like an onion, right?"

The two Vancouver Canucks fans lovingly known as the Green Men claim that they received a warning from Canucks officials before Saturday’s game to curb their behavior that they’ve become somewhat famous for. Basically, they dance around in the green body suits made famous by Charlie Day and they heckle opposing players in the penalty box. Apparently the Predators have grown tired of this.

“Someone through the NHL told us that we were no longer allowed to touch the glass,” said one of the two lads who go by the handles Force and Sully.

“This is the first complaint we’ve ever heard of. The Canucks love us. We haven’t done anything wrong. We pay full price, and we have a little fun while supporting our team.” (Via Toronto Sun)

However, Predators officials deny making any complaint about the Green Men, and we have to believe them, because if there’s one thing that a team does after complaining about something insignificant like annoying fans, it’s own up to it. Yesiree, there’s not a team out there that doesn’t care about people labeling its executives and players as whiny little sissy girls. Good thing fans don’t react to or lash out at these types of complaints at all.

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Boston Bruins defenseman Andrew Ference temporarily became my hero during last night’s Game 4 against the Canadiens by scoring, then giving Montreal’s inhabitants the finger. He brought the Bruins to within a goal, and they came back to win the game, 5-4, in overtime. Remember what the Habs did to the Caps last year? No, I don’t either. Oh look, here’s my middle finger!

Here’s a video of the incident. Hopefully it’ll still be up when you get around to clicking it.

Sure, it was uncalled for and unprofessional, but middle fingers in big gloves always look hilarious.

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Here’s Matt Cooke of the Pittsburgh Penguins destroying Boston’s Marc Savard. Video’s after the jump, but obviously people took issue with a guy elbowing another guy in the head while he wasn’t looking. So what is he supposed to do? Not hit him? Wait for him to look? This is what happens when you take fighting out of pro hockey. Instead of sending a couple of Bruins over to rearrange Matt Cooke’s face, you end up with a bunch of people aggrandizing after the fact about what a dirty hit it was after the game. Bitching and moaning is bad for hockey, not only does it sully the image of the game, but it dissolves the concept of immediate consequences. Yeah, hits to the head are bad, but punches to the head of a guy that just hit someone in the head restore balance to the universe. Thanks, “Röbert.” Read the rest of this entry »