Seems like quite the prophetic photoshop now.

Cristiano Ronaldo is a world class athlete who is immensely wealthy and considered to be one of the most attractive men on the planet by women everywhere. So it’s no shocker that the Real Madrid superstar has once again found himself at the center of the tabloid gossip universe, this time amid rumors that he cheated on his girlfriend of three years, supermodel Irina Shayk.

At the center of this controversy, though, is an old friend of ours – Miss Bum Bum Brasil 2012 runner-up Andressa Urach. The same runner-up who spent the week after last year’s pageant on a boat, hooking up with the winner, Carine Felizardo. And now Urach claims that Ronaldo is “obsessed” with that runner-up butt, enough that they recently had sex in a hotel on the night before Real Madrid’s 4-1 UEFA Champions League semifinals loss to Borussia Dortmund.

But Ronaldo denies that it ever happened, according to a super serious Twitter statement.

Read the rest of this entry »

get it

In the spiritual successor to a soccer ball ricocheting into a goalie’s crotch, Borussia Dortmund’s defender Lukasz Piszczek slides to stop a goal and slides testes-first into the goal post.

It seems like such a horrifying thing to happen to a man, but in a world where a rugby player can rupture a testicle, play the rest of the game with said ruptured ball and make a bunch of jokes about it on Twitter, it doesn’t seem so bad. I probably shouldn’t hold everyone up to the impossible bar Paul Wood, but GET UP, SOCCER WIMP.

[h/t to Bob's Blitz, who are always on top of these soccer-in-the-nuts stories]