Bad news out of Kenner, Louisiana this week, as something called the “Beer Cave” has taken a man’s life.

Kenner Police say a man died inside a beer cooler at a convenient store on Airline Drive overnight, but no one knew he was there until they found his very cold body this morning.

“We have a gentleman that went into the Beer Cave, where you can go in and select beer from inside the cooler. It appears that he had experienced some type of medical problem,” Sgt. Brian McGregor told WWL First News.

McGregor says surveillance video shows the man clutching his chest in the cooler around 10:30pm last night and then collapsing. They found him after 7:00am.

The coroner is conducting an autopsy, but police do not suspect any foul play. (Via WWL First News)

First and foremost, I blame Coors Light’s latest ad campaign. Every time I see those guys chipping frosty beers out of mountains only to carry them through a cooler to thirsty tailgaters, I can’t help but think that someone out there has to be dumb enough to think that beer comes from a mountain. I mean, have you seen how stupid Facebook is making people?

But I don’t like to make fun of a person’s death unless it involves someone in Florida being shot because they pooped on someone’s floor and then masturbated. Instead, I see this strange death as a precautionary tale for everyone as the Super Bowl approaches.

Be careful, NFL fans. We already have bizarre stories of fans falling from their upper deck seats and bros puking all over women’s bathrooms because they’re too wasted. Let’s look out for our fellow NFL fans and especially those who like to enjoy a few adult beverages during the big game, because as this collection of GIFs tells us, responsible drinking should be joyous.

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Well friends, pack up the hero worship and get the Heisman committee on the phone, because we have a big, old controversy for this year’s Heisman Trophy winner, Johnny Manziel, already. Manziel, of course, turned in a great season with the Texas A&M Aggies, as he passed for 3,706 yards and 26 touchdowns, while rushing for 1,410 yards and another 21 TDs, all of which was good enough to make him the first freshman to ever win college football’s top individual prize.

To make the season even better for the Aggies, Manziel carried them to an 11th win in the Cotton Bowl, as he torched Oklahoma for four TDs, including two in the air and two on the ground. In a year that really lacked college football superstars – mostly thanks to injuries – Manziel was truly the most exciting guy to watch. But none of that matters now because people are upset that he’s a big ol’ boozehound. Allegedly.

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I suppose if you’re one of the two replacement refs responsible for the above image that will go down in infamy as one of the worst calls in NFL history, you’re probably going to want a drink. In case you’ve been mining for gold in the Arctic, Lance Easley up there – the dude calling touchdown – and the replacement ref crew working Monday Night Football this week wrongly awarded Seattle Seahawks WR Golden Tate a touchdown on a last second Hail Mary that was, of course, actually an interception. Either way, Green Bay’s loss is in the books.

You know what else is in the books? Easley’s 15 Jager bombs, broskis! And he better have tipped well, because he’s in for a world of pain today after it was revealed that the scab ref was out partying in Fresno last night, and for some ungodly reason, he thought it was a good idea to take a picture with a Packers fan. Because no one would ever find out.

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If there’s one thing I love, it’s nonsensical rankings for my own personal enjoyment. Let’s get to it.

1) Cats in Space – Ufford recounts the history of interstellar felines. It’s chock full of cats photoshopped as astronauts; humor that transcends race, gender, or religion. Suck it, Laser Cats.

Jim Beam and Jack Daniels, staple liquor brands who probably don’t need to spend extra money to appeal to the redneck demographic, have announced that they will not be renewing their sponsorship agreements with their respective NASCAR Sprint Cup Series teams in 2010.

The maker of Jim Beam Bourbon will stop sponsoring Robby Gordon’s Sprint Cup team next season, sending another liquor company to the NASCAR sidelines.

A day after Jack Daniel’s announced it would stop supporting Casey Mears’ No. 07 Chevrolet for Richard Childress Racing, Beam Global Spirits & Wine, Inc. said Tuesday it was shifting sponsorship dollars to areas outside NASCAR.

It’s not terribly surprising, considering neither of their drivers made the Chase and that, well, people are going to get drunk on bourbon and whiskey whether or not they’re watching a car with its logo run around the track. But don’t ask me to tell you which is which. Brown booze isn’t really my bag. Twelve-ounce bottles and cans are much easier to hold on those Sunday morning drives home from the bar.

Brad Fittler, head coach of Australia’s Sydney Roosters rugby team, fined himself for drunken behavior on a team road trip last weekend. From the Herald Sun, via Sports Rubbish:

Police were called to Townsville’s Holiday Inn early on Friday morning after two female guests reported a “creepy man” with a “hairy chest” – wearing only shorts – was trying to get into their room.

Police arrived at 3.15am to find a “very drunk” Fittler still outside the room. Fittler got out of the elevator at the wrong floor and shook the room’s door, mistaking it for his.

No charges will be filed, but the timing blows because Fittler’s team is at the bottom of the table and appears to be a dead coach walking. At least last weekend, he was a dead coach drinking. Which is usually a precursor to dead coach running off to Argentina with his mistress. Yeah, nobody was gonna figure that one out…